Today, 16:56
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#1909
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An Awesome Dude
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 5,132
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Bizarre Complaints
These are (supposedly) extracts from actual letters sent to various councils and Housing associations throughout the UK:
Quote:
1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
3. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?
7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of them are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.
8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.
12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.
14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.
15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
16. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have had no satisfaction.
17. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus in it.
18. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more.
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Today, 20:03
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#1910
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Mum 30/09/20 Dad 08/08/24
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Galactic Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha, A secret Moonbase (shh don't tell anybody)
Age: 57
Services: 2 x TiVo 360s, SH5. Samsung Galaxy Note 10+ 5G, Ton's of Smart Home stuff, & Cuddy Toy
Posts: 17,289
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Re: Jokes Thread
The Institute of Incomplete Studies says 8 of 10 Americans
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I'm a Trustee & Secretary for a local charity
STAY AT HOME: I found out that mum will never walk again as the coronavirus attacked her nervous system. She died on September 30th.
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Today, 20:04
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#1911
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Dr Pepper Addict
Cable Forum Admin
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Nottingham
Age: 63
Services: IDNet FTTP (1000M), Sky Q TV, Sky Mobile, Flextel SIP
Posts: 30,583
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Re: Jokes Thread
Ummmm, what ?
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 Baby, I was born this way.
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Today, 20:13
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#1912
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In the gang of three
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Hiding . . from all the experts
Posts: 4,960
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Re: Jokes Thread
I think Incomplete studies is the joke, as in there's nothing after the 8 out of 10 Americans
quite clever I thought 
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“You get a wonderful view from the point of no return.” ~ T. Pratchett
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