09-09-2023, 06:12
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#1891
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An Awesome Dude
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,908
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Thinking
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It started out innocently enough.
I began to think at parties now and then - to loosen up. Inevitably,though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone-- "to relax," I told myself-- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused,asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my husband about the meaning of life. He spent that night at his mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," he said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," he said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and he began to cry.
I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's."
Then we share experiences about how we had avoided thinking since the last meeting I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.
Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
Soon, I will be able to vote Republican.
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Presidental Chatroom
Ah man!!
Last edited by Dude111; 09-09-2023 at 06:14.
Reason:
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02-11-2023, 13:01
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#1892
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cf.mega pornstar
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 19,217
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Re: Jokes Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by peanut
This made me laugh....
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That reminds me of the last funeral I attended, there weren't many people there and at one point a man approached the widow and asked if he could say a word
Of course she said, go right ahead
So the man cleared his throat, stood up and said plethora before sitting back down
"Thanks" the woman said "that means a lot" 
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02-11-2023, 13:46
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#1893
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NUTS !!
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,252
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Re: Jokes Thread
As it's now getting closer to Christmas....
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Oh what fun it is
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03-11-2023, 18:31
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#1894
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NUTS !!
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,252
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Re: Jokes Thread
Too soon...? 
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Oh what fun it is
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03-11-2023, 18:55
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#1895
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Dr Pepper Addict
Cable Forum Team
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Nottingham
Age: 62
Services: IDNet FTTP (1000M), Sky Q TV, Sky Mobile, Flextel SIP
Posts: 30,014
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Re: Jokes Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by peanut
Too soon...? |
Im sure someone will be offended for you. 
__________________
 Baby, I was born this way.
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12-11-2023, 10:45
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#1896
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laeva recumbens anguis
Cable Forum Team
Join Date: Jun 2006
Age: 68
Services: Premiere Collection
Posts: 43,796
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Re: Jokes Thread
Grammar joke
"A colon can really change the meaning of a sentence.
Example:
"The marbles fell out of my pocket."
"The marbles fell out of my colon.""
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15-11-2023, 17:17
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#1897
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cf.mega pornstar
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 19,217
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Re: Jokes Thread
I tried to give blood earlier, never again, too many stupid questions
"Whose blood is it?"
"Where did it come from?"
"Why is it in a bucket?"
Just forget it, last time I try and help out
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15-01-2024, 19:23
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#1898
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laeva recumbens anguis
Cable Forum Team
Join Date: Jun 2006
Age: 68
Services: Premiere Collection
Posts: 43,796
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Re: Jokes Thread
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20-01-2024, 20:21
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#1899
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cf.mega pornstar
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 19,217
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Re: Jokes Thread
My daughter brought her new boyfriend home. The wife and I were appalled by his haircut, the piercings, the tattoos, so much so the wife even said to her "he doesn't seem like a nice boy"
My daughter replied "oh please mum, if he wasn't nice would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
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23-01-2024, 18:25
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#1900
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An Awesome Dude
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 4,908
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Hehe I guess that says it all!!
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23-01-2024, 20:06
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#1901
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To err is human
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Cornwall
Age: 82
Services: yearly MOT
Posts: 7,447
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Re: Jokes Thread
Man: Doctor doctor I think I'm a dog
Doctor : OK just hop up on the couch
Man: No can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture
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09-08-2024, 10:53
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#1902
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To err is human
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Cornwall
Age: 82
Services: yearly MOT
Posts: 7,447
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Re: Jokes Thread
News has come in there has been an accident on the M5 between a Police pick up van and a cement mixer. The Public have been warned to be on the look out for 16 hardened criminals.
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11-09-2025, 19:20
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#1903
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XIV
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Crawley
Age: 35
Services: Three Unlimited
Posts: 15,418
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Re: Jokes Thread
My uncle, dad's brother, had a stroke 30 odd years ago. He went into Argos not long ago looking to buy a bluetooth speaker. He couldn't communicate so played charades  he kept telling the staff toothache. The staff said we're not a dentist. This went on for some time arguing. He then blames the poor staff members for not understanding him
Next time you turn on bluetooth remember toothache 
I wasn't there
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23-09-2025, 09:51
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#1904
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laeva recumbens anguis
Cable Forum Team
Join Date: Jun 2006
Age: 68
Services: Premiere Collection
Posts: 43,796
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Re: Jokes Thread
I thought this was quite apposite today…
People out here making rapture jokes like there's no tomorrow!
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