14-09-2021, 18:36
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#1846
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cf.member
Join Date: Feb 2021
Posts: 5
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Re: Jokes Thread
A lady passes away 3 years after her husband. After entering the pearly gates she see her husband and runs over to him with her arms wide open. He says "what do you want, the contract was to death"
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14-09-2021, 19:33
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#1847
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laeva recumbens anguis
Cable Forum Team
Join Date: Jun 2006
Age: 68
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Re: Jokes Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by OLD BOY
They side with the EU every time, Hugh, no matter what. Clearly they want this country to fail - hence the response.
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Seeing as it’s the "jokes" thread, your post fits right in…
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14-09-2021, 20:33
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#1848
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Mum 30/09/20 Dad 08/08/24
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Galactic Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha, A secret Moonbase (shh don't tell anybody)
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Posts: 17,257
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Re: Jokes Thread
I bought some lamb, it said on the pack "reared in Wales"
I thought that is racial stereotyping.
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STAY AT HOME: I found out that mum will never walk again as the coronavirus attacked her nervous system. She died on September 30th.
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12-10-2021, 18:06
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#1849
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cf.mega pornstar
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 19,220
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Re: Jokes Thread
I was in the bank earlier when this little old lady approached me and asked me to help check her balance, so naturally I pushed her over
She didn't even thank me either
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13-10-2021, 18:38
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#1850
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Rise above the players
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Wokingham
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Re: Jokes Thread
[DELETED]
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Forumbox.co.uk
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13-10-2021, 18:49
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#1851
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cf.mega poster
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Hiding . . from all the experts
Posts: 4,468
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Re: Jokes Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by OLD BOY
[DELETED]
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Don't you just hate it when you forget the punchline 
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“You get a wonderful view from the point of no return.” ~ T. Pratchett
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13-10-2021, 22:21
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#1852
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laeva recumbens anguis
Cable Forum Team
Join Date: Jun 2006
Age: 68
Services: Premiere Collection
Posts: 43,805
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Re: Jokes Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carth
Don't you just hate it when you forget the punchline |
Or lose the plot… 
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27-10-2021, 21:54
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#1853
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laeva recumbens anguis
Cable Forum Team
Join Date: Jun 2006
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Re: Jokes Thread
Larry goes out bear hunting one day.
He sees a brown bear and he shoots at it - Bang! It's dead.
Suddenly, there's a tap on his shoulder - he turns around, there's this big black bear standing there.
"That bear was my cousin. I'll give you a choice. I can kill you or I can sodomize you."
Larry thinks and thinks - finally, reluctantly, he decides he doesn't want to die; so, the black bear enthusiastically sodomizes him and then leaves.
A year later, when his wounds are healed, Larry goes back into the woods seeking revenge.
He tracks down the black bear, takes aim and shoots - Bang! It's dead.
Immediately, there's a tap on his shoulder, he turns around - there's this big grizzly bear standing there.
"That bear was my cousin. I'll give you a choice. I can kill you or I can sodomize you."
Larry thinks and thinks - reluctantly, he decides he doesn't want to die. So the grizzly bear enthusiastically sodomizes him and then leaves.
A year later, when his wounds are healed, the man goes back into the woods seeking revenge.
He tracks down the grizzly bear, takes aim and shoots - Bang! It's dead.
Immediately, there's a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and there's a humongus polar bear standing there.
"Let's face it, Larry. You're not here for the hunting, are you?"
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23-11-2021, 23:16
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#1854
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laeva recumbens anguis
Cable Forum Team
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Re: Jokes Thread
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24-11-2021, 13:40
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#1855
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cf.mega pornstar
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 19,220
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Re: Jokes Thread
Be extra careful driving on the roads with Christmas round the corner a lot of men will be out drinking and getting their wives to drive
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25-11-2021, 06:04
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#1856
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R.I.P.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Swansea, South Wales UK.
Age: 74
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Posts: 2,753
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Re: Jokes Thread
2 flies on a blokes ass, which ones into drugs.....
The one on the crack!!
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25-11-2021, 11:28
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#1857
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Perfect Soldier
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Worthing West Sussex
Age: 68
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Posts: 11,215
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Re: Jokes Thread
I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.
She whispered "They're right behind you"
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History is much like an endless waltz: The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.
However history will change with my coronation - Mariemaia Khushrenada
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02-12-2021, 21:39
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#1858
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laeva recumbens anguis
Cable Forum Team
Join Date: Jun 2006
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Re: Jokes Thread
On that note…
3 conspiracy theorists walk into a pub
You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.
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03-12-2021, 11:45
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#1859
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Perfect Soldier
Join Date: Mar 2009
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Re: Jokes Thread
And now the weather:
It'll be hailing in Hayling, soaking in Woking and in Lissing Down, take an umbrella.
__________________
History is much like an endless waltz: The three beats of war, peace and revolution continue on forever.
However history will change with my coronation - Mariemaia Khushrenada
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03-12-2021, 11:50
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#1860
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Virgin Media Employee
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Winchester
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Posts: 3,328
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Re: Jokes Thread
Quote:
Originally Posted by heero_yuy
And now the weather:
It'll be hailing in Hayling, soaking in Woking and in Lissing Down, take an umbrella.
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That sounds like "The Two Ronnies", citations are good.
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