New T.V. Licencing Vans
 

When are they going to stop bullsh**ing people about TV detector vans and admit the only detecting equipment they have is the bloke standing at the front door listening to the 6 o'clock news.

New T.V. Licencing Vans :D :D

Well, yes, talk of magnetic fields from the TV sounds a load of old rubbish. And even if it wasn't, foil (presumably aluminium) would be as much use as a chocolate teapot for shielding it; you'd need something like mumetal. Presumably what they're talking about is electromagnetic radiation from the set, which is much more possible. Unless things have changed since my young days, all radio sets and TV sets combine the incoming signal with the output from a local oscillator to give an intermediate frequency (IF) signal. The IF frequency is fixed, which makes things easier for the detector van.

I thought they detected you with something REALLY high tech - by getting everyone who buys a telly to fill in a form! :D

IS THERE A NTL DETECTOR VAN THAT CAN SPOT DIGITAL TV WITH NO RED BUTTON OPTION .........(sorry to shout );)

Ive heard that in the past the tv licensing van is just an empty fan with a handle to turn to make it look like someone is watching you.

They have all the addressess who don't have a tv licence so all tehy need to do is to catch you during a major sports event.

They are.

Not much chance of that happening. If there's stuff on telly worth watching then I go to my mum's. Thankfully the World Cup only happens once every 4 years :)

I'm still waiting for the last bloke to come back with his search warrent ... been almost a year now. :shrug:

From todays Times:


June 26, 2003

True fiction

Empty threat
by toby moore
A new generation of TV detector vans is unleashed on the fee-dodging public. Our correspondent takes a close look at the technology



DEEP in the bunker, Dr Strange viewed the gathered reporters with distaste. †œThere vill be no hidink place, nowhere to run,â₠¬Ã‚Â� he said with a chilling calm, stroking the white Persian cat which lay across his lap. †œVe vill find your unlicensed telefishions.â↚¬ÂÂ�
The medication he took to control the nervous twitch was wearing off, but Strange was determined to complete his presentation.

†œYou are privileged to see ziss,ââ‚ƚ¬Ã‚ÂÂÂ� he shouted with a sudden, frightening energy. †œVe have now the most advanced, sophisticated veapon ever created to fight the scourge of licence evasion.ââ‚à ƒâ€šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ� His eyes lit with weird hysteria. †œI vill rid the planet of zis menace vunce and for all.ââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂÂ�

Strange twisted his wheelchair on its axis in the half-lit cavern and slammed hard on a red button at the console near by. Huge curtains swept back with a dramatic flourish. †œLadies unt gentlemen,ââ ¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ� he enthused. †œI give you the TV detector van, mit ze ultimate in everything ever.ââ‚ƚ¬Ã‚ÂÂÂ�

He slumped back in his chair, exhausted and drained of energy. A white-coated attendant hurriedly wheeled him away. Few noticed. All eyes were on the gleaming, polished white vehicle which had been revealed, lit by spotlights, revolving gently on a mechanical dais.

†œHello there,ââ‚Ã⠀šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ� said a pleasant voice as a suited figure emerged from the shadows carrying a clipboard. †œIâà ¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€Š¾Ãƒâ€šÃ‚¢m Ken Smith, the head of advanced thermodetection sciences, and Iâ₠¬ÃƒÆ’¢â€žÂ¢ll be happy to answer any questions you may have about the new system. But first, perhaps I should explain exactly how this thing works.ââ‚Ã⠀šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ�

A surly, sceptical voice interrupted from the back. †œThere is a rumour that these vans are just a con, that there is no such a thing as detection technology. Itââ‚ ¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚¢s all a big bluff.ââ‚Ã⠀šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ�

Smith gave a knowing smile. He had prepared for that one. †œLet me assure you, there is certainly nothing fake about kryptomagnetic energisers, the pulsing heart of the new systems. These can pick up fractional sound cuticles from a range of 20ft. Thatââ‚ ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s right, at least four metres. Or a bit more, maybe.ââ‚Ã⠀šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ�

He ignored the sea of hands raised in front of him. †œI know some of you are probably wondering what, exactly, is a sound cuticle.ââ‚à ƒâ€šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ� There was a murmur of agreement. †œWell, without getting too technical, every licence gives off a minute signal inaudible to the human ear.

†œWe know this as a M.S.I.T.T.H.E, which stands for Minute Signal Inaudible to the Human Ear, also known as a broadbanded †˜sound cuticleââ‚à ‚¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢. The energisers, together with laser technology and a secret glowing device, allow us to detect homes without licences. Itâ₠¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚¢s really that simple.ââ‚à ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂ�

Not everyone was convinced. †œSounds more like what we call C.O.B.B.L.E.R.S,âââ↚¬Å¡Ã‚¬Ã‚ÂÂÂ� said a voice from the gloaming, to derisive laughter from the other journalists.

Smith felt his face bathed in sweat and pursed his lips. In all his years on the front line of illegal television viewing, he had never met such ungracious disbelief.

†œI want to see inside the van,â₠¬Ã‚Â� said a suspicious voice. There was a clamour of agreement.

†œThatâà ƒÆ’¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€ žÂ¢s quite out of the question,ââ‚ ¬ÂÂÂÂ� Smith said nervously. †œWeÃƒÆ’Ã†â€™Ãƒâ€šÃ‚Â¢ÃƒÆ ’¢â€šÂ¬Ã¢â€Å ¾Ã‚¢ve got stuff on loan from Nasa, military eavesdropping devices,ââ‚à ƒâ€šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ� he added hurriedly, panicked. †œThe very latest flashing lights, advanced weapons systems, aliens. Thereââ‚ƚ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢s stuff in those vans that hasnââ‚ ¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢t even been invented yet.ââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂÂ�

But the mood was turning ugly. Someone rushed the van and pulled open the side panel. Smith tried to stop him. Too late. The utterly empty space was revealed. There was a collective gasp and then a threatening silence.

†œAnd the best thing,ââ‚Ã⠀šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ� Smith said, gulping, †œis that itââ‚ ¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚¢s all invisible.ââ ¡Ãƒâ€šÃ‚¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ�











:D

hey btw, its official, you only get a warning on your first offence.

I can't see the point in having TV licences these days. There cannot be many people who do not have a TV. Surely it would be a better idea for the income that comes from TV licences to be replaced with money from taxation. It must cost an absolute fortune to administer the TV licensing system so I wonder how much of the licence fee is left after the costs of administration have been met. I doubt that any increase in income tax to replace the money lost by doing away with TV licences would be anything like as much as the cost of a licence.

it's bad enough having to pay a TV licence as it is, what exactly are we paying for i never watch BBC or any of the shite digital channels, this should have been done away with a long time ago with along with dog & radio licences

Then you have the difference between direct and indirect taxation.

Also why should the non-tv owners subsidise the tv owners?

In principle I like the idea though - it would make evasion impossible. :)

We recently went cycling in Islay with a group of mates. During the conversation it came out that NONE of us have a TV!

Anyway, unless you actually use it for watching or recording UK television, you don't need a licence for owning a TV or any other AV equipment. See these FAQ sites:
http://www.jifvik.org/tv/
http://www.marmalade.net/lime/tvla.html
http://www.tvlicensing.biz/
http://licencefee.com/

Classic...The lights are on, the switches are flicked, but there's nothing inside:D

OMG that is so funny. Who do they think they are kidding.

All the intelligence in the world. Can't find Hussein, Bin Laden, or WMD...But hey we have the technology to pin point a TV set at 60 miles.

Watch out Sunday roasts...Your traditional dinners could be subject to long range scans, and Satellite Reconnaissance . All because your foil covered Chicken was believed to be disguised as an International 'Telly Feast'.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Watch for the fireworks.... the EU STILL wants every single TV receiver to be individually licenced and taxed... and that means EVERY TV, VCR, PCTV card, etc, etc.... even a Gameboy Advance TV add-on.....

That makes 9 items in this household!

Classic...The lights are on, the switches are flicked, but there's nothing inside:D

OMG that is so funny. Who do they think they are kidding.

All the intelligence in the world. Can't find Hussein, Bin Laden, or WMD...But hey we have the technology to pin point a TV set at 60 miles.

Watch out Sunday roasts...Your traditional dinners could be subject to long range scans, and Satellite Reconnaissance . All because your foil covered Chicken was believed to be disguised as an International 'Telly Feast'.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: