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Old 26-05-2011, 21:21   #1561
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
A doctor examines a woman and takes her husband aside.
'I don't want to alarm you,' he says, 'but I don't like the way your wife looks,'
'Me neither,doctor,' says her husband.'But she's a great cook and real good with the kids.'
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Old 27-05-2011, 00:04   #1562
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
Which indigestion tablets make the best comedy double act?

The Two Rennies.
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Old 27-05-2011, 20:07   #1563
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Smile Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
Two cannibals are having dinner.'Your wife makes a great roast,' says one.
'I know,' says the other,'but I'm going to miss her.'
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Old 01-06-2011, 13:36   #1564
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees i thought she was joking.

And then i saw her face..
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Old 02-06-2011, 17:49   #1565
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
Now your a believer.
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"If it don't fit don't force it!"
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Old 09-06-2011, 22:02   #1566
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
I was absolutely devastated when I discovered that my wife was having an affair. Turning to religion gave me the comfort I so desperately needed at this most traumatic time in my life - It was then that I became a Muslim.

The stoning of the cheating adulterous bitch is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9 O'clock.

Si thee
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Old 13-06-2011, 17:11   #1567
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
There's an old couple sitting in church. The woman turns to her husband and says, "I just ripped a silent fart! What should I do?"

The husband replies, "Put a battery in your hearing aid."
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Old 14-06-2011, 11:39   #1568
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
Whilst driving yesterday I saw a banner over the road saying 'The Influence.'

damn cops then pulled me over for driving under it.
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Old 30-06-2011, 11:18   #1569
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
Baby Airplanes:

A mother and her very young son were flying Westjet Airlines from Ottawa to Calgary. The little boy (who had been looking out his window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant the same question.

The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said,
"Did your mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "Yes she did."

"Well then, you go and tell your mother that we have no baby airplanes because WestJet always pulls out on time.

Your mom will explain that to you."

Sigh.......................!

Si thee
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Old 30-06-2011, 16:46   #1570
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
Just got back from visiting a lovely little place in Wales;
Lloysthwycyyrigridarbrewwthh... sorry there was a hair in my mouth.

I went to Swansea.
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Old 01-07-2011, 09:35   #1571
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated,"You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. thank you for taking all of us with you.

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it.

"You'll really love my place...................!



The grass is almost a foot high"
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Old 10-07-2011, 03:34   #1572
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At John F. Kennedy International Airport today
New York (CNN). At John F. Kennedy International Airport today, a Caucasian male (later discovered to be a high school mathematics teacher) was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator.

According to law enforcement officials, he is believed to have ties to the Al-Gebra network.

He will be charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.
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Old 10-07-2011, 07:37   #1573
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Re: At John F. Kennedy International Airport today
Lol it was a calculated move, the arresting officers summed up the situation very well before taking measures to remove him.
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Old 10-07-2011, 08:34   #1574
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
Last post found in current affairs merged into jokes thread
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Old 14-07-2011, 16:48   #1575
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Re: [Merged] Jokes Thread
I went to a Karate Club the other day and got into a fight with a Black Belt. Then i started on some coats.
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