A male victim of domestic violence

Domestic abuse against males has always been treated as a bit of a joke by the police in my neck of the woods it is changing slowly but your fighting an uphill battle if your male and a victim. I had a girlfriend that to the outside world was a timid little angel but when things weren't going her way i soon knew about it. I've always believed a man never has a reason to hit a woman but that was tested many times it isn't a case of males being weak or wimps its about being a decent person and some women taking advantage of it same as it is for female victims.

[Osem]

Yet another BBC contribution to the domestic abuse debate in the form of an article on new laws in which the emotive content and imagery makes no mention of male victims whatsoever.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-30532087

Does the BBC ever seek the views of groups other than those representing female victims I wonder? Neither Refuge or Women's Aid serve the needs of abused males. It's not really all that surprising that male victims don't believe they'll be listened to, believed or supported when their needs and existence are routinely excluded from the 'debate'.

[rhyds]

I am convinced the BBC website/national news service has a big list of "independent" (read: Vetted) organisations it *always* calls up about stories. Every time there's a story on a given topic (domestic violence, "environment") its always the same spokesdroids from the same organisations rolling up.

Just look at any countryside story. Rarely (if ever) will any farming or "working" countryside organisation be approached for comment, but you can always bet the same "conservation" charities will always be called up.

[Osem]

A man was left in "unbearable, searing pain" and scarred for life when his wife poured boiling water over him.

Ken Gregory, 65, from Peterborough, sustained first and second degree burns to 14% of his body in March last year.

He has encouraged male victims of domestic violence to speak out, saying: "Being attacked by a woman is nothing to be ashamed of."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england...shire-31853392

I notice that, whereas when it's the other way around the BBC has no problem finding one group or other to comment on the plight of female victims, there's not a single quote from or reference to anyone who might be able to offer support and advice to all the men who suffer in silence. The fact that the article doesn't even give any statistics concerning male victims shows how 'seriously' this is being taken by the BBC and in general.

[MalteseFalcon]

Oh if it was the other way around they would have people demanding he be sentenced to life or how would he like it, etc. BBC are turning into absolute jokers.

[alferret]

Like all things, when compared to women, men are the ones who seem to be forgotten, ignored & never believed where domestic violence be it mental or physical.

If you had 2 scenarios, both exactly the same one female & one male you can guess where all the effort would go.

Equal rights???? there is nothing equal! Its time we had male suffragettes to bring back equalibrium.

[papa smurf]

Originally Posted by alferret

Like all things, when compared to women, men are the ones who seem to be forgotten, ignored & never believed where domestic violence be it mental or physical.

If you had 2 scenarios, both exactly the same one female & one male you can guess where all the effort would go.

Equal rights???? there is nothing equal! Its time we had male suffragettes to bring back equalibrium.

chain yourself to some railings and burn your vest

http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/dcp171776_352362.pdf

Could it be that either they are like a lot of female abuse victims too ashamed/frightened to report their situation.Instead of shouting about it being some sort of conspiracy why not encourage every PERSON suffering abuse to have courage to report what is happening to them and for everyone to acknowledge that it is happening to both men and women.Please don't make it an us and them situation between the genders.Also don't forget some men being abused are being abused by their male partners.

So if you see the reporting as being disproportionate then do speak up to the BBC and the rest of the media.It's pointless ranting about it here as we cannot change anything here. I as a female see that it's unfair but lets' not split our efforts to get abusers the right and correct punishment.

[Osem]

Agree with all of the above but 'ranting' about it here and doing something else about it aren't mutually exclusive are they. We're often told, in justification of the anonymity laws for example, that if one victim of rape is encouraged to come forward as a result of seeing an alleged offender's name in the news, that's a very good thing. We IMHO, if one man has got the courage, as a result of reading something here, to report something, or write to his MP, the BBC or whatever, than this thread and any 'rants' it may contain is a good thing. Sadly, the status quo patently doesn't work for men and until we start representing ourselves in the way women's groups have and continue to do so, that will not change. If we're going to be interested in 'victims' irrespective of sex then it's a great pity that the myriad groups which campaign for and support female victims don't take that on board, acknowledge that male victims get a very raw deal and decide to help them as well. As you say, they're all victims of the same crime aren't they but I can't recall the last time I heard any of the usual 'commentators' and representatives even acknowledge that men are ever the victims, in anything other than the most fleeting terms, if at all.

Originally Posted by Osem

Agree with all of the above but 'ranting' about it here and doing something else about it aren't mutually exclusive are they. We're often told, in justification of the anonymity laws for example, that if one victim of rape is encouraged to come forward as a result of seeing an alleged offender's name in the news, that's a very good thing. We IMHO, if one man has got the courage, as a result of reading something here, to report something, or write to his MP, the BBC or whatever, than this thread and any 'rants' it may contain is a good thing. Sadly, the status quo patently doesn't work for men and until we start representing ourselves in the way women's groups have and continue to do so, that will not change. If we're going to be interested in 'victims' irrespective of sex then it's a great pity that the myriad groups which campaign for and support female victims don't take that on board, acknowledge that male victims get a very raw deal and decide to help them as well. As you say, they're all victims of the same crime aren't they but I can't recall the last time I heard any of the usual 'commentators' and representatives even acknowledge that men are ever the victims, in anything other than the most fleeting terms, if at all.

Then speaking to the media direct as a group might be a more effective way to get them to report domestic abuse because they are very unlikely to be reading this thread..as for getting more male abuse victims to come forward I can only hope they are reading this thread..but I very much doubt it.After all most people come here seeking help with their cable issues rather than looking for help about abuse.
As for the 'women's groups then you also need to ask them why they don't represent more male victims?
You have a very small target group here..but they are potentially a force that can change matters IF they actually engage those groups and the media directly.

[Osem]

... and threads like this are one way to raise the issue, get people thinking, encourage men to have their say on matters they're largely excluded from and hopefully do a bit more, including some of the things you suggest.

People come here for all sorts of reasons and once here often get involved in other areas of the site. We have threads on topics ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous and this issue is neither. Those who couldn't give a stuff may never change but the more this matter is raised and the wider the forums in which it is discussed the better. I'm certain a male abuse victim isn't going to come to CF as the first stop for advice but his mate down the pub might just be someone who has come here and read about it. It may be that friend then says or does something in order to help his long suffering pal out. Men must be encouraged to talk about the physical, mental and emotional abuse they suffer at the hands of women just as much as they need to get down to their GP's more often.

Men seeking an input into female orientated matters doesn't usually go down to well but maybe you don't realise that because you're not a male. That's what us guys get told all the time you know...

I really don't post here because I think it's going to change the world, I post here because I come here and know that every person who bothers to read this thread and those like it will go away quite possibly aware of an issue they'd never really thought too much about.

I'm not going into what else I choose to do but you can rest assured this isn't the only place or the only means by which I choose to raise an appalling unfairness which exists in our society and needs to be remedied. It's just one outlet through which the message can be disseminated and people challenged to think and it's people who haven't been aware of the problem who need to be targeted and educated most of all. To that extent, a forum like CF serves very well.

Originally Posted by Osem

... and threads like this are one way to raise the issue, get people thinking, encourage men to have their say on matters they're largely excluded from and hopefully do a bit more, including some of the things you suggest.

People come here for all sorts of reasons and once here often get involved in other areas of the site. We have threads on topics ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous and this issue is neither. Those who couldn't give a stuff may never change but the more this matter is raised and the wider the forums in which it is discussed the better. I'm certain a male abuse victim isn't going to come to CF as the first stop for advice but his mate down the pub might just be someone who has come here and read about it. It may be that friend then says or does something in order to help his long suffering pal out. Men must be encouraged to talk about the physical, mental and emotional abuse they suffer at the hands of women just as much as they need to get down to their GP's more often.

Men seeking an input into female orientated matters doesn't usually go down to well but maybe you don't realise that because you're not a male. That's what us guys get told all the time you know...

I really don't post here because I think it's going to change the world, I post here because I come here and know that every person who bothers to read this thread and those like it will go away quite possibly aware of an issue they'd never really thought too much about.

I'm not going into what else I choose to do but you can rest assured this isn't the only place or the only means by which I choose to raise an appalling unfairness which exists in our society and needs to be remedied. It's just one outlet through which the message can be disseminated and people challenged to think and it's people who haven't been aware of the problem who need to be targeted and educated most of all. To that extent, a forum like CF serves very well.

See it's that your not a male so you can't understand aspect that annoys.Almost as much as females who say to men you cannot understand because you are a man.
I'm just concerned that issues that affect both genders do not become divisive and then become bogged down in the us and them sort of discussions.I'm on the side of people not gender.

[Osem]

Originally Posted by Maggy J

See it's that your not a male so you can't understand aspect that annoys.Almost as much as females who say to men you cannot understand because you are a man.
I'm just concerned that issues that affect both genders do not become divisive and then become bogged down in the us and them sort of discussions.I'm on the side of people not gender.

I'm sure it does annoy you - it annoys me that over the 18 years I've brought up my youngest son and handled all his educational and health related issues, I'm still routinely patronised by women, primarily, 'professionals' who treat me as if I'm invisible and/or know nothing about his problems, needs etc.

Until men are treated equally in matters such as this, family law etc. etc. what do you expect from them? Doing what they've done until now has got them where they are - their views largely excluded and dismissed (even in law) from anything considered a female domain. Sadly we are where we are and 'suffering in silence' has done us no favours. If men want equal acknowledgement, help, treatment etc. then they're going to have to do it largely by their own efforts and by creating the same sort of noises that women have become very good at. The domestic abuse arena is almost entirely dominated by groups set up to represent the needs and interests of female victims as opposed to purely 'victims' as you suggest. They not only hog the resources but sometimes go out of their way to dismiss the existence of male victims. It's the same in the field of cancer in which conditions like breast and cervical cancer are far more publicised than prostate cancer for the very same reason.

It shouldn't be like that but it is and to an extent, men have brought it upon themselves by accepting it and by allowing their suffering to be either ignored, trivialised or ridiculed.

[TheDaddy]

Anyone see 24hrs In Police Custody earlier, I knew the victim, for many of those that knew him he was a pretty unpleasant, troubled man but he didn't deserve to die like that and for his killer to be basically left of with a 16 month sentence beggars belief, I wonder what would have happened had the rolls been reversed?

[nomadking]

Originally Posted by TheDaddy

Anyone see 24hrs In Police Custody earlier, I knew the victim, for many of those that knew him he was a pretty unpleasant, troubled man but he didn't deserve to die like that and for his killer to be basically left of with a 16 month sentence beggars belief, I wonder what would have happened had the rolls been reversed?

Are you sure you got that the right way around?
She had been abused previously by somebody else, and it was raised that now she might like to be in control. IIRC it is was the same way with serial killer Dennis Nilsen.