A male victim of domestic violence

[Osem]

Yes I know we rarely seem to hear about them and there are precious few places for them to get help, if indeed they're believed in the first place, but here's one who seems to be moving on after his ordeal:

A man, whose ex-girlfriend left him with life-threatening injuries, has spoken for the first time about the domestic violence he suffered.

Mark Kirkpatrick, who's 30, was found on a street in Lancashire seven months ago after his former partner Gemma Hollings attacked him with a pole, hammer and a glass bottle.

She was jailed in October for eight years over the attack.

Let's hope more male victims of violent assault, controlling behaviour and emotional abuse at the hands of their female partners come forward and make themselves heard.

[TheDaddy]

Originally Posted by Osem

Yes I know we rarely seem to hear about them and there are precious few places for them to get help, if indeed they're believed in the first place, but here's one who seems to be moving on after his ordeal:



Let's hope more male victims of violent assault, controlling behaviour and emotional abuse at the hands of their female partners come forward and make themselves heard.

Yes it is shocking that we rarely hear about male victims considering they make up 40% of all victims

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2...estic-violence

[Russ]

And 40% are the ones who actually report it. The true figure could be a lot higher.

[Osem]

Given the manner in which domestic abuse is portrayed almost entirely as a crime in which the victims are female or children, it's no wonder to me that more male victims don't come forward.

You only have to look at the promotional material published on this subject to see that men are hardly ever portrayed as possible victims. Yes, they do occur in the stats and men are now at least being mentioned, on the likes of the BBC, as victims but very few radio/TV discussions on the subject given them anything other than a cursory mention and the overall impression remains that it's all about male abuse of women and children. Until we have more groups set up to assist, lobby for and properly represent the plight of male victims, the cycle of women's organisations presenting solely their perspective on this problem will never end and a great many men will continue to suffer.

[Russ]

Doing a google image search for 'domestic abuse' tells a very biased story https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=do...ed=0CAYQ_AUoAQ

[Pierre]

Originally Posted by Russ

Doing a google image search for 'domestic abuse' tells a very biased story https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=do...ed=0CAYQ_AUoAQ

Of course it does, and it will probably always be that way.

[Taf]

An old friend, a lifetime bachelor, was found wandering the streets covered in blood. Plod found him and took him to the ER where it was found it was probably his blood through multiple cuts to his hands, arms and face.

He had met a woman of his age only a week before and she had moved in with him against his wishes. When he asked her to leave as gently as he could, she attacked him with anything she could lay her hands on.

When the police went to see her she was adamant that she was the householder and had defended herself against an intruder!

It took a lot of work to eventually get her out and prevent her from (legally) returning, but she returned time-and-again to attack him in his garden and near his home.

He sold the house and moved away, but she found him somehow, and the attacks continued.

HMP has her now.

[Osem]

Originally Posted by Russ

Doing a google image search for 'domestic abuse' tells a very biased story https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=do...ed=0CAYQ_AUoAQ

That's actually an excellent demonstration of the point and, next time I'm having a dialogue with someone who disputes the reality and uses the fact that the stats do include male victims to try to avoid the issue, I'll invite them to see the overwhelming impression people are being presented with by the media as a whole.

---------- Post added at 11:20 ---------- Previous post was at 11:09 ----------

Originally Posted by Taf

An old friend, a lifetime bachelor, was found wandering the streets covered in blood. Plod found him and took him to the ER where it was found it was probably his blood through multiple cuts to his hands, arms and face.

He had met a woman of his age only a week before and she had moved in with him against his wishes. When he asked her to leave as gently as he could, she attacked him with anything she could lay her hands on.

When the police went to see her she was adamant that she was the householder and had defended herself against an intruder!

It took a lot of work to eventually get her out and prevent her from (legally) returning, but she returned time-and-again to attack him in his garden and near his home.

He sold the house and moved away, but she found him somehow, and the attacks continued.

HMP has her now.

One of my brothers has been suffering serious emotional abuse from his wife for many years and it's still going on long after they separated as a result of her having several affairs. Despite his efforts to arrange an amicable divorce, she does her best to make his life as miserable as possible whether it be 'blackmailing' with regard to their children, openly taunting/intimidating him and getting in his face or her refusal to discuss the divorce when he tries to raise the subject. Truth is nobody gives a toss about how he's been treated but he'd only need to be aggressive just once and we all know what would happen.

[alanbjames]

If you are in a relationship with someone who has mental health issues its even harder to get help.

My son was in a 2 year relationship with a guy with mental health issues. Twice my son was put into hospital and twice his boyfriend admitted it and twice nothing at all not even a caution because of his mental health issues. It wasn't until the guy was spotted hanging from a telephone poll like a lobotomized gibbon and refused to come down he was given any help.

[Osem]

On Monday at 8.30 Panorama is covering domestic abuse. It'll be interesting to see if/how male victims are represented.

Physical,emotional abuse has no limits in gender,age and sexuality and it's unforgivable.The police should be prepared to really investigate every report FULLY and not try and get as quick a result as they can just to tick a box or two..I also think that the NHS should be training staff to spot the victims earlier as they are for child abuse.

[Russ]

I think the ego does a lot of male victims no good. There's an air of 'weakness' surrounding the notion of a man getting beaten up by his woman. I used to fancy Kelly Brook until she recently admitted she used to punch ex-boyfriends Danny Cipriani and Jason Statham. The former, she said, was "a rugby player and he could take it" while Statham is a martial arts expert and has "taken worse".

So according to her (and I suspect a lot of other women) it's ok as long as the man "can take it".

[Osem]

Yes I notice that appalling admission hasn't stopped her being used in TV advertising when had a man done the same thing there'd have been the usual outcry from all sorts of women's (and other) groups and he'd have been dropped like a hot brick. The response of the hosts of the show on which she made it also left a great deal to be desired, trivialising in front of millions serious abuse simply because the victims were male.

The double standards evident in the media on popular TV shows needs examining since it is routine to see men abused, ridiculed and slapped around in our soaps as if that were OK. I may be being hypersensitive but TV dramas tend to portray the men within them as aggressors, drunks, inadequates and losers being supported by and/or abusing long suffering female partners whose lives are dedicated to selflessly looking after their every need. It's about time we had some balance and given the reality they face, I'm surprised any male victims come forward.

[Arthurgray50@blu]

Osem, l applaud you for bringing up this subject. As it is always the FEMALE, that is heard in DV.

We know from the Media that the police will take serious action for DV.

But, if its the MALE at the receiving end, this NEVER comes to the headlines, we hear gossip people of talk shows talk about the woman who is at the end of DV. I think the reason why, iits the pride man not to come forward.

I have had the infortunate task, of being married twice. My first mother in law WARNED me NOT to marry her daughter, has she had medical problems.

The first year before we got married, she was brilliant. Soon as we got married, she started to turn nasty. It turned into a nightmare, l could tell you loads of stuff of what happened.

If you can imagine Catweazle, unwashed, wearing dirty clothes, etc etc. That's what l was made to be like. I went out to a party one night. Got cleaned up. She saw me and went ballistic

Did l report it - no, as l didn't want to make things worse. Luckily, l spoke with her mum and we divorced One year later. Sadly, she is no longer on this earth. But my present wife (she is a diamond, 38 years married) even met her and her mum.

Yes, this is what doesn't get in the news, due to man pride.

I just wish more Men came forward. Yes, its sad that women are at the hands of vicious husbands. But Husbands can also be victim's as well

[Russ]

Originally Posted by Arthurgray50@blu

But, if its the MALE at the receiving end, this NEVER comes to the headlines,

Arthur....there's a link to it in the second post from the Guardian newspaper, the same story can be found on the BBC website http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/30303405

It's not a case of it never being headlines, the situation is that because society (and history) deems women to be 'weaker victims' due to to male violence, oppression, discrimination etc there has often been an air of 'empowerment' when women fight back. These days it seems if you're in what society calls a 'privileged' position (usually white, male, straight etc) and you find yourself being a victim of something our forefathers were guilty of perpetrating then you have "no right" to complain, even if you're not guilty of it yourself.

There were calls a few years ago of wanting Tom Jones' Delilah banned from getting any airplay as it apparently 'glorifies violence towards women'. Fine, if that gets banned then I'll assume every song or video from Pink where she's beating up men will be censored too. Funnily enough that's regarded as 'empowering women'....