THE GATES OF HEAVEN
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. Just outside she saw a beautiful banquet table and sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. When they saw her they all cheered and began calling greetings to her. " Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! So wonderful to see you."
Shortly after, Saint Peter arrives and introduces himself, the woman says to him, "This looks like such a wonderful place, tell me are all these relatives and friends of mine from here"? "Yes they are St Peter replied - when family members and friends cross over in death, the relatives are allowed out of heaven to welcome them at a party in front of the gates". The woman then asks can I follow them in after the festivities? Not quite" St Peter replies "you have to undergo a test first by correctly spelling a word"
"Which word?" the woman asked - looking a little concerned.
"Love." says St Peter.
"Oh that's easy she replies l-o-v-e", Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and tells her her to guard the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
Whilst on duty the woman recognises a man walking towards the gates - her husband had arrived.
"I wasn't expecting to see you" the woman said. "How have you been?"
"Bugger me it's you he replies - Oh, I've been doing really well since you snuffed it," her husband told her. "I married that gorgeous young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then (as luck would have it) I won the Euromillions Lottery. I got shot of the little pokey little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion up in Scotland.
Me and the new wife then travelled all around the world. In fact we'd just started a Winter skiing holiday in Canada and whilst on the piste, I hit a hidden rock and went flying into a tree and hit my head, and here I am. Bummer really, as me and the missus had been invited to a party that night - was looking forward to that - anyway I guess this is must be heaven - cos you're here to welcome me - so, what's the script - can I come in then?"
Not quite" the woman replies "you have to correctly pass a test by spelling a word first!
"Oh gimme a fu****g break, her husband replies aggressively" - do I have to?"
"Of course you do the he woman replies - it's the rules and be warned if you spell it wrong you go straight to the other place - no second chances"
"For f**k sake you stupid miserable bint he retorts aggressively - you're exactly the same as when you were alive - always winding me up - go on then clever clogs what's the fu****g word then?"
The woman replies calmly:
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch!
Must be a moral here somewhere!
Si thee!
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The third tune was funny when he was in time with the beat.
