A letter from my ex - Page 2

AndrewJ · 13-08-2005, 20:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by whyme38

The thing is that even if you do see her she now thinks of your ex's husband as her daddy and it is going to confuse her a lot if you then come along and say that you are her daddy, not fair I know but that is the way it is.

The best thing is to let the courts sort it out and go on what they advise. It may be a case of you getting visitation but as "Mark" and not "daddy"

agreed

13-08-2005, 20:16

Mark,
Best advise anyone can give you is to search long and hard for a local solicitor who specialises in "Family Law", not all ordinary solicitors do, sad to say.
I found one, via the internet of all things, and it was a breath of fresh air when I first went to see her (The family law solicitor), I was told on entering the room that she was not interested in me, nor my ex, only the children involved, that I must me honest in everything I was to say to her, and from that moment on, she has, and is, working like a bat out of hell for my kids.
We are at the stage now where we all will be interviewed by a court appointed CAFCASS officer, and believe me when I say, only the truth will be passed on to the court officials involved, they can see through any lies the parents involved come up with!

andygrif · 13-08-2005, 23:02

It is not my place to make a comment about private and personal issues of people I don't know - so I will refrain.

However, it is not advisable to publish a letter (without the persmission of the author) and it is not advisable to identify several individuals (even first names when used in conjunction with other first names can clearly identify someone).

Above all, the internet is forever - do you really want the child who is caught up in the middle of the disagreement to stumble across this discussion in the years to come?

Whilst I am certain that this is a difficult time for all concerned, I urge you to remove this letter (or at least keep it general).

Food for thought, I hope.

etccarmageddon · 13-08-2005, 23:24

it's heartbreaking that a child is being used in this way. it's not her job to decide that Mark isn't a good enough father and therefore can not see his child. how cruel can some people be?

aliferste · 13-08-2005, 23:30

I dont think it is right publishing a minors name on the net!

clarie · 13-08-2005, 23:38

I agree. I think the names of people involved must be removed here.

I hope that a fair agreement is reached that is in the best interests of everyone concerned.

danielf · 13-08-2005, 23:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by clarie

I agree. I think the names of people involved must be removed here.

I suggested this (regarding surnames) in post #3. Frankly I'm surprised they're still there...

MovedGoalPosts · 13-08-2005, 23:55

Names of all parties in the original post have been deleted to protect the privacy of those involved.

It would be better, if such posts must be made (and they have the permission of the copyright owner to publish such documents), that OPs edit mail to remove names, perhaps using aliases, and making it clear that names are aliases.

me283 · 14-08-2005, 16:05

Jeez, I thought my divorce was nasty!

What can I say? I don't know the parties involved, so this is pretty general. It seems like there's a lot of hurt involved here; the adults will just take swipes (verbally), and bounce back. But somewhere in the middle is a little girl who probably doesn't understand it, but who will grow up knowing that there has been a level of hatred on either, or both sides. Even if she doesn't know you as her dad right now, she will at some stage. And at that point, how will she feel?

I admire your bravery in posting such a personal letter, and you are obviously going through a tough time; if I were to hear your ex's side, I am sure it would be different, but also pretty tough. But if I could hear your daughter's side, it would probably be a version that has a lot of fear in it.

The advice to get a solicitor is the best I can think of. Also, it may not be easy, but just waiting in the wings until something is sorted out will be for the best. It may be hard now, but at least you can only be described as doing what is best for your daughter.

Whether you are right or wrong in what you say, I wish you all the best. At 2 years old a child can very perceptive, and it would be in everyone's interests if she grows up with a mine of happy thoughts and memories of her childhood.

Good luck.

Flubflow · 14-08-2005, 16:33

Her solicitor, if internet savvy, might google sections of that letter and find this forum thread. Whether that will go against you I'm not sure but at least they will be able to see how you are thinking and perhaps pre-empt your next move.
Due to its sensitive nature I think this thread should be completely scrubbed and you can start it again but only paraphrasing instead of repeating it verbatim so as not to be itentifiable in any way.

cookie_365 · 16-08-2005, 20:09

Get yourself a solicitor. Now.