Jokes Thread

[Gary L]

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[Welshchris]

Q. Why don't women wear watches?
A. There's a clock on the stove! :-x

[bw41101]

Originally Posted by gary l

Gollum.jpg

[Derek]

After Bin Laden's demise the CIA have turned their attention to Celtic FC. On their radar are Bin Diving, Bin Paranoid, Bin Greetin, Bin Stealing, Bin Lying and Bin Offended By Everything since 1888. Bin Workin and Bin Honest are not linked to this club. Manager Neil Lennon was not available for comment as he was away Bin shafted in inverness!

Apparently, a member of the 'Gers, Bin Bankrupted, is also being investigated.....

[Welshchris]

and who said u cant take a bin out on a bank holiday :-x

[craigj2k12]

apparently, bin men are collecting at the bottom of the sea

[Skyranger]

The Irish army joined in the USA operation on Monday. They stormed Debenhams when they heard that 'summer bed linen' was on the third floor.

---------- Post added at 20:13 ---------- Previous post was at 19:32 ----------

A man was sitting on the sofa with his can of Carlsberg while his wife watched the TV. "I love you." said the man. The wife looked over and said, "Was that you or the beer talking?" The man replied "It was me... talking to my beer."

[Skyranger]

A man was in the supermarket with his wife when he realised he had lost sight of her. He was looking for her when he came across another man obviously in the same predicament. Tell you what he said. Let's look for our wives together to make it easier. What does your wife look like?" The other man said, "Well, she's about 6 ft tall, very slim with 38DD breasts. She has long blond hair and is very pretty. She's wearing a micro skirt, a sleeveless low cut top, no bra and 6 inch heels. What does your wife look like?" The man thinks for a moment and says. "...We'll just look for yours, eh."

[carlwaring]

---Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days.

A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Irish sausage?”
The clerk asks, "Are you Irish?”
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?”
The clerk says, "No, I probably wouldn’t.”
The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Irish sausage, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?”
The clerk replied, "Because you're in Halfords."

[craigj2k12]

Old Chinese proverb: "man who walks through door sideways with erection is going to bangkok"

[TheNorm]

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, an Iranian, a Croat, A Dane, a Frenchman, a German, a Russian,a NewZealander, an Australian, a Philipino, an American and a Canadian were waiting to enter a restaurant when the Maitre' d said "You cannot come in without a Thai"

[carlwaring]

Nice. Long-winded, but nice

[Sox]

Two brooms were hanging in the closet, and after a while they got to know each other so well they decided to get married.

Of course, one broom was the bride-broom...the other the groom- broom.

The bride-broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom- broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

At the reception following the ceremony, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "We're going to have a little whisk broom!"

"IMPOSSIBLE !" said the groom-broom.

Are you ready for this?
Brace yourself...this is going to hurt!






"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"

[carlwaring]

Nice! That one's a keeper.

(Cut 'n' pasted into my "notes" file)