Need some housing advice.

[AdamD]

I'm gonna write out a long post here, so bare with me, mostly because I need to, as this situation is pushing me over the edge.

Originally Posted by Chris

Adam ... sorry if this is too personal, but is your uncle ok? I mean, are there learning issues or anything like that? I'm just wondering where he's going to live after you and your dad manage to break free and whether he's going to get any support ... this may be furthest from your mind just now, but it does begin to sound as if he may need some sort of assistance.

Not at all and no, I don't think he's ok in the head.

I'm no doctor, but I believe he has Asperger syndrome.

Some of the main clues for it include

Intense preoccupation with a narrow subject, one-sided verbosity, restricted prosody, and physical clumsiness are typical of the condition, but are not required for diagnosis.[7]

Intense preoccupation with a narrow subject:

Brighton and hove football club/football in general.

I wouldn't like to guess, but he has probably in excess of 500 books on football

He has about 200+ large file folders stuffed with news paper clippings about brighton and hove football club

He has, or HAD (before the garage mysteriously caught fire) hundreds of brighton/hove football club memorabilia items (Badges, flags, posters, photos, news paper clippings)

He has (we believe) two secure storage containers in the town centre full of junk, most of it burnt, or water damaged and they're both full of rubbish like what's in our garage.

one-sided verbosity (It means that a person's conversations tend to be more like monologues (often about obsessive interests) instead of dialogues.)

When he talks to people, it's always the same type of conversation, it's always about his take away job, his "partner's" family or an accident he's witnessed while on the road.

He's like an old war veteran who keeps reliving the past, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the same stories from him in 5 years.

physical clumsiness

There's so many examples of this, I don't even know where to start.

He decides to spray the small shed in our garden with preservative
When he's finished, there's more preservative on the ground and surrounding buildings than there is on the shed.

He breaks and/or loses pretty much anything he touches
He's broken two internal door handles, he's lost three sets of backdoor keys, three garage keys, four shed keys and two front door keys.
He's broken his brand new LCD TV because he's so clumsy, but claims "someone broke my TV".
He broke my microwave, my digital camera, lost my ADSL2 router
He steals people's tolietries (Three of my dad's soaps went "missing" in four weeks)
He's spilt or splashed printer ink in the garage at least 10 times (No, I'm not kidding)
He moved his computer into the lounge once, as the roof was leaking in the garage, he spilt ink on both door mats and on the lounge carpet.

Honestly the list just goes on and on, heh.

[joglynne]

Originally Posted by AdamD

Heh, yea it is disgusting

I took pictures of his room a couple of months ago, as he left the door open because my dad wanted to paint it.

http://dresch.co.uk/resized/

In the first picture you can see all that white gravel stuff on the floor, that's cat litter, it's been there for about 6 months now.

I wish I'd have taken a picture of the carpet along side his bed, you can see the carpet colour/pattern in the first picture, but along side his bed, it's black, that's how dirty/disgusting it is.

Well at least it appears that he washes something as I recognise the tub of Vanish Oxi Action. It looks as though he realises that he needs to appear clean to outsiders even if he is happy to wallow in his dirty habits in private.

[AdamD]

Oh yea, he does 5 full loads of washing a week. (But I'd hazard a guess, 90% of those clothes, he hasn't worn that week)

The oxi action pot doesn't have powder in it, there's about 10 or more of those pots in the garage and shed, they all contain either pencils, or pens.

[candy1567]

Hi Adam

as much as i have every sympathy for u and ur dad, there a ways and means to get the support all 3 of u need at this difficult time.

The first is a try to obtain a gp referral to psych services to assess if and wat is actually goin on with ur uncle, if mental health issues are found the report can and will suspend any action the morgage company will take giving u time to sort out the arrears on the morgage. It will also provide support either medical or social/environmental for ur uncle.

I also dont think its appropriate for u to post pictures of ur uncles bedroom onto the internet, this is his private domain, yes i agree that u seem to be in a no win situation, but u have to go through the right channels to get a resolution to the problem and while i can understand ur frustration and now the horror of loosing ur home, but it is wrong to post the pictures of his personal domain. Yes u need to vent ur frustration i understand that, but not to post pictures of his bedroom.

Have u thought about approaching this from another angle, go to the gp urself, state how this is effecting u and ur dad, tell him that u are to become homeless , get as many professional ppl on ur side as possible, it all goes for u at the end of the day, if all are singing from the same song sheet then the morgage company cant ignore, in these bad financial times, the morgage company want their money, they dont want u to sell ur house as they will loose money, they want u to stay put.

How about a transfer of ownership where u and ur dad are responsible for the payments with an extra monthly sum to pay off the arrears, if they go for reposession, the courts will look at ur case indepth, and if u have evidence of ur uncles behaviour, logged records, and reports from say ur gp, that will go in ur favour.

U need to gather as much evidence as possible as a turn around is possible at the 11th hour, but u need facts, not his said this, he done that, keep a log, write how many letters u recieve, write about his bizzare behaviour daily etc and also state how its effecting u and ur dad, this will also support u in the application for social housing should the need arise as u have not made urself intentionally homeless.

Sorry for the long post, i just think this is a very sad situation to be in and i cant even comprehend wat u all must be going through, but u must go down every avenue possible, the legal route will only work if u have enough evidence, ie, social work reports, mental health/gp reports to back up wat u are saying about ur uncle, and if indeed u do get a diagnosis to support ur uncles behaviour then again this will go in ur favour.

Juliex

[AdamD]

Originally Posted by candy1567

The first is a try to obtain a gp referral to psych services to assess if and wat is actually goin on with ur uncle, if mental health issues are found the report can and will suspend any action the morgage company will take giving u time to sort out the arrears on the morgage. It will also provide support either medical or social/environmental for ur uncle.

That would mean him actually going to see someone, which isn't going to happen.
He doesn't see any problem with the way he lives.

I also dont think its appropriate for u to post pictures of ur uncles bedroom onto the internet, this is his private domain, yes i agree that u seem to be in a no win situation, but u have to go through the right channels to get a resolution to the problem and while i can understand ur frustration and now the horror of loosing ur home, but it is wrong to post the pictures of his personal domain. Yes u need to vent ur frustration i understand that, but not to post pictures of his bedroom.

Well, I could've just posted the picture from the real estate website if you wanted, would that have made it "ok"?
I did say the house is going up for sale, thus, there would've been A picture of his room on the internet anyways, with ALOT more viewers than if I posted it here.

How about a transfer of ownership where u and ur dad are responsible for the payments with an extra monthly sum to pay off the arrears, if they go for reposession, the courts will look at ur case indepth, and if u have evidence of ur uncles behaviour, logged records, and reports from say ur gp, that will go in ur favour.

I guess you didn't read the whole thread, as I already explained, we asked the uncle to move in with us because we couldn't (and can't) afford the mortgage by ourselves. :P

I appreciate the reply though.

[AdamD]

House is now on the market, they didn't include the photo of my uncle's room, due to how bad it looked, heh

Serious point to consider: The state of his room is likely to have a material impact on your ability to sell, and the price you get for it. Especially if it smells as bad as it looks. Consider throwing him out for a weekend and fumigating the place.

[AdamD]

I agree, but how?
I can't just say, please leave, you and your room stink!
hehe

Originally Posted by AdamD

I agree, but how?
I can't just say, please leave, you and your room stink!
hehe

Arrange for him to go and pick up a 'prize' he has 'won' and lock him out until the room is clear and cleaned.

[AdamD]

Heh, wish I could.

Doesn't help that he's managed to rip the door handle fascia off his door today, either.

If you can afford to take the hit on the likely sale value, that's all well and good. But it's possible that room, if it's bad enough, might render the place unsaleable, especially in the current buyer's market.

You need to fix things like broken handles and tidy up any other similar damage. These can all amount to offers being £1,000s lower than you would like.

[AdamD]

My dad will be the one taking the hit, if it doesn't sell for 205k or more, because he's the one who put the deposit down.

I dread to think what his room is really like, given that we can see two large snails in his bedroom window.

[AdamD]

Well, confronting the uncle turned very hostile, very quickly

My dad confronted him about a phone call he got from Vodafone saying my uncle's account would be suspended, because he had a large debt.

Also told him the estate agent said his room was filthy and couldn't be photographed.

I walked into the conversation when he said "I clean, it's the cat's fault, it's not my fault", so I TRIED to say, you've only cleaned three times in 5 years, but I couldn't even say that, as he shouted over me with

"I DONT TALK TO YOU, BECAUSE YOU DONT TALK TO ME!"

Then stormed outside and hid in the garage

He came back in and started talking to my dad again, saying he doesn't care that he broke my camera or my microwave, because "someone" had knocked over his TV and broken it (He claims someone came round to investigate the TV)

So again I tried to confront him, as he was in my dad's bedroom, he couldn't escape so easily

He kept on about his TV being broken by someone and them not having the "balls" to own up to it.

Said he didn't know he broke the microwave, but didn't care

Went on about the loan he gave me 5 years ago, which he claims was £6000 (It was £3600) and how he's going to check with Lloyds (his bank) for records.

When I pointed out that I don't talk to him because he ruined my credit without an apology and lied about the letters, he brought up the above loan saying I would've had a ruined credit anyways if I didn't get that loan from him (ehhh?)

At which point he repeated the loud shouting of "I DONT TALK TO YOU, BECAUSE YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!", then pushed me aside, almost broke my arm and he stormed out and drove off. (I Stand corrected, he's sitting in his car outside, hehe)

Quick, lock the front door and attack his room with a hoover and a bottle of something highly corrosive ...

[AdamD]

Heh, I wish

Well his "partner" has shown up, he got out of the car, clutching his right arm and was hobbling.
Which probably means he's having angina related pain, or so he claims.
They've driven off, probably to the hospital.