clipping round the ear

[idi banashapan]

so you believe then, that teaching a child that smacking is ok is a good lesson?

Originally Posted by idi banashapan

so you believe then, that teaching a child that smacking is ok is a good lesson?

I believe in parents being allowed to deal with their own children in the way that suits them..without being nagged about it..and I was smacked and I survived..as did my children..They have turned out just fine and they are not going around dishing out beatings to all and sundry anymore than I am.

The idea that smacking a child automatically teaches them to be violent is a fallacy.

[idi banashapan]

Originally Posted by Maggy J

I believe in parents being allowed to deal with their own children in the way that suits them..without being nagged about it..and I was smacked and I survived..as did my children..They have turned out just fine and they are not going around dishing out beatings to all and sundry anymore than I am.

The idea that smacking a child automatically teaches them to be violent is a fallacy.

it seems you failed to spot the irony in your own post there - how I commented that smacking the child will generally teach that child to believe smacking others is ok. this is proven by you saying you were smacked as a child and that you then grew up to smack you own, and then say that by smacking a child, they won't grow up to use violence on others...

in the same light, I was not smacked as a child. i turned out ok. never taken drugs, never drink alcohol, never been cautioned or arrested, did well in education. I have never smacked my daughter her entire life. she too is doing very well at 9 years old. 6er in brownies, was in a competing gymnastics team, is doing really well at school in top groups, every review she has, the school always comments on her excellent and kind attitude and nature....


which leads me to think, if children who are not smacked turn out just as well as those who are, why would one chose to smack a child at all?

[papa smurf]

Originally Posted by idi banashapan

it seems you failed to spot the irony in your own post there - how I commented that smacking the child will generally teach that child to believe smacking others is ok. this is proven by you saying you were smacked as a child and that you then grew up to smack you own, and then say that by smacking a child, they won't grow up to use violence on others...

in the same light, I was not smacked as a child. i turned out ok. never taken drugs, never drink alcohol, never been cautioned or arrested, did well in education. I have never smacked my daughter her entire life. she too is doing very well at 9 years old. 6er in brownies, was in a competing gymnastics team, is doing really well at school in top groups, every review she has, the school always comments on her excellent and kind attitude and nature....


which leads me to think, if children who are not smacked turn out just as well as those who are, why would one chose to smack a child at all?

its the lazy option - it gets your authority stamped on your property with the minimum of effort .

[idi banashapan]

why rule with respect when you can rule with fear instead?

Originally Posted by idi banashapan

it seems you failed to spot the irony in your own post there - how I commented that smacking the child will generally teach that child to believe smacking others is ok. this is proven by you saying you were smacked as a child and that you then grew up to smack you own, and then say that by smacking a child, they won't grow up to use violence on others...

in the same light, I was not smacked as a child. i turned out ok. never taken drugs, never drink alcohol, never been cautioned or arrested, did well in education. I have never smacked my daughter her entire life. she too is doing very well at 9 years old. 6er in brownies, was in a competing gymnastics team, is doing really well at school in top groups, every review she has, the school always comments on her excellent and kind attitude and nature....


which leads me to think, if children who are not smacked turn out just as well as those who are, why would one chose to smack a child at all?

I wasn't smacked all the time and I didn't have to smack my children all the time.This is the fallacy that you like to smear perfectly good parents with.That just because we choose this option that we must do it all the time.The things is I didn't just smack my children..I used a reward system as well..but you don't want to know that I'm sure.You have already labelled me as a bad parent in your own mind.

Neither of my children are criminals or thugs or bullies,take drugs, steal and are delightful adults with no hatred of me at all.

So if smacking doesn't make a bad adult why not smack them?

---------- Post added at 21:38 ---------- Previous post was at 21:34 ----------

Originally Posted by idi banashapan

why rule with respect when you can rule with fear instead?

Good use of emotive language there.Good job that my kids did and still do respect me though.

As I said you must do as you see fit in punishing your children BUT you really should respect that others may have a different way to achieve the same ends.

[dave6x]

Originally Posted by Sirius

Same would have happened to me as well. I remember getting a clip round the ear off a bobby once. Does PC Dooley ring a bell Pabs ?

This is what happened to a 15 year old in my local police station recently. Be interesting to see the outcome of the investigation!!!!
http://www.andoveradvertiser.co.uk/n...olice_station/

[idi banashapan]

Originally Posted by Maggy J

I wasn't smacked all the time and I didn't have to smack my children all the time.This is the fallacy that you like to smear perfectly good parents with.That just because we choose this option that we must do it all the time.The things is I didn't just smack my children..I used a reward system as well..but you don't want to know that I'm sure.You have already labelled me as a bad parent in your own mind.

I'm disappointed that you chose to put words in my mouth, especially as a mod. I have at no stage called you a bad parent nor have I labelled you or anyone else. it is not a fallacy that a smacked child tends to grow up to be a smacking parent - youself as part of the proof there. obviously, this is not the case for all smacked children, but on the whole there is a trend. there's a reason behind such sayings as 'violence begets violence'.

I chose not to mention you reward system as well because you failed to tell me about it. but now you have, so well done.

Originally Posted by Maggy J

Neither of my children are criminals or thugs or bullies,take drugs, steal and are delightful adults with no hatred of me at all.

So if smacking doesn't make a bad adult why not smack them?

Again, at no stage did I say they were - why are you putting words in my mouth again, Maggy?

as for your comment on 'why not smack them' - well surely you can see how ridiculous that statement is??? it makes it sound like you are advocating physical harm or at the very least, physical discomfort, on a child when there is no need to do so being that a smacked child and a non-smack one can both turn out well.

Originally Posted by Maggy J

Good use of emotive language there.Good job that my kids did and still do respect me though.

As I said you must do as you see fit in punishing your children BUT you really should respect that others may have a different way to achieve the same ends.

hey - they're your kids, do what you want to them. My point is that I believe there is no need to raise a hand to a child when (and even you yourself have stated here) smacking a child makes them turn out no better than a non smacked child in terms of personality. parents seem less interested in talking to their child and listening to them.

if a child runs out into the road, the first reaction of some parents is to drag them back and smack them. Why? were they embarrased that they didn't have complete control over their child and allowed a potential lethal situation to occur? why not explain to the child why what they did was so dangerous? and if the parent feels the child is too young to understand, then at least hold their hand when walking in the street.

children are not stupid. that do understand things. and if they are crying in town, don't smack them and tell them to shut up. stop walking, kneel down at their level and ask them why they are upset. a child cries for a reason, but some parents seem not to be able to grasp that.

as for my final comment you quoted, this is exactly what dictators do. rule with fear, not respect - although they believe it is respect. a slightly delusional state of self importance and superiority. there are parents out there who do the same thing on a small scale with their kids and even wives. I'm not saying you are one of them, but it is certainly a technique that is well in use.

Originally Posted by idi banashapan

so you believe then, that teaching a child that smacking is ok is a good lesson?

Yes. Is that an issue for you ?

[idi banashapan]

Originally Posted by Paul M

Yes. Is that an issue for you ?

yes it is. why is it not for you? implying to a child that forcing physical discomfort on another is the right thing to do, in my view, is disgraceful, unresponsible and un-necessary. in a world where violence is becoming more prevelent and almost acceptable in society, should we not all be doing our part as adults to ensure we stamp out this sort of behaviour at the very earliest stages of life? the roots of behaviour start by the lessons learned from those closest to us as children. if those people send a message that smacking is ok, then those adults are no more mature than the children they 'teach', in my opinion. i lose count on the number of times I have seen one child smack another only for the parent to then go over to the child and smack them whilst telling them they should not smack others... where the hell is the logic in that? the child thinks smacking is ok because that is what happens to them. but when they put into practice the lessons they learn, they get told not to by the very means they are being told not to use themselves!!!

It's totally beyond me how so many people see no problem in smacking children. how many people would rather physically punish over taking the time to talk and listen to children. unbelievable, it really is. and saddening, to be frank. to think that we consider ourselves a civilized society, but smacking a child is ok.

in my opinion.

Originally Posted by idi banashapan

yes it is. why is it not for you?

Because it isnt.

Originally Posted by idi banashapan

implying to a child that forcing physical discomfort on another is the right thing to do, in my view, is disgraceful, unresponsible and un-necessary.

In my view, the use of physical discomfort is just as valid as other methods.

Strangely enough, the human race appears to have survived quite nicely for many thousands of years without it being an issue. In more recent times, since the PC/whatever brigade have managed to cripple all forms of physical deterrant, crime rates seem to have gone up.

Originally Posted by idi banashapan

in my opinion.

Exactly.

[Gary L]

Originally Posted by dave6x

This is what happened to a 15 year old in my local police station

I was beat up by 2 DCs once in a cell when I was 15. haven't got around to tracking them down and killing them yet

[papa smurf]

i guess some people have a different type or relationship with their children
i have never raised a hand to mine and they have Grown up just fine ,i am/was capable of shouting and removing play privileges /grounding/withholding pocket monies etc - they are 21 and 23 years old now and still seek my approval for most major decisions they make ,its just a mark of respect that they still have for their old dad .

Originally Posted by papa smurf

i guess some people have a different type or relationship with their children
i have never raised a hand to mine and they have Grown up just fine ,i am/was capable of shouting and removing play privileges /grounding/withholding pocket monies etc - they are 21 and 23 years old now and still seek my approval for most major decisions they make ,its just a mark of respect that they still have for their old dad .

My children consult me..but as I tell them the decision is yours to make..As is the one for parents to punish their children in the way they see fit.

I have to say, I'll be a bit worried if my kids are asking my approval for major decisions by the time they're in their 20s. I would hope I'm not domineering over them such that they don't feel able to grow up and be who they want to be. Nor would I consider their looking for my approval to be a mark of respect. Rather I'd be worried that I had failed to teach them to be responsible for themselves.

Advice, on the other hand, well that would say "respect" to me.