Madeleine McCann

Funny how a week ago there was complaints because I was here questioning why the parents left the child alone and heartless I was being, Now its ok to post that the child may well be dead in a ditch or worse

Originally Posted by zinglebarb

Funny how a week ago there was complaints because I was here questioning why the parents left the child alone and heartless I was being, Now its ok to post that the child may well be dead in a ditch or worse

I'm not sure the two are comparable. Stating what we fear might have happened is one thing, putting the parents on trial is another. There's a time and a place for everything and I think blame and recrimination should wait until later.

you wouldnt seeing as iirc you were doing the complaining. Saying she may be dead isnt gonna help find her is it? It was said voicing recriminations wouldnt be helpful. How helpful has this thread been in finding her? it isnt which is what I said ages ago

[Saaf_laandon_mo]

I think if more people spoke out about the parents irresponsibility in this situation more 'adults' would think twice before they left their kids alone while they were out wining and dining.
It really does **** me off how the media treats the arrested suspect as guilty yet portrays/sees the parents as being inncoent victims in this. Like i say time and time again, I feel sorry for them, but I for one do apportion a large amount of blame on them for their daughter being abducted.

Originally Posted by Saaf_laandon_mo

I think if more people spoke out about the parents irresponsibility in this situation more 'adults' would think twice before they left their kids alone while they were out wining and dining.
It really does **** me off how the media treats the arrested suspect as guilty yet portrays/sees the parents as being inncoent victims in this. Like i say time and time again, I feel sorry for them, but I for one do apportion a large amount of blame on them for their daughter being abducted.

That was exactlly what I was doing right at the start of this thread

Originally Posted by zinglebarb

you wouldnt seeing as iirc you were doing the complaining. Saying she may be dead isnt gonna help find her is it? It was said voicing recriminations wouldnt be helpful. How helpful has this thread been in finding her? it isnt which is what I said ages ago

There are ways of 'helping' other than finding her - such as bearing in mind that people connected to the family could conceivably come across this discussion.

'Helping' them might consist of not adding to their grief by making accusations against the parents.

As I said, I don't think examination of the parents' role is off-limits, I just think it's one of the subjects that can afford to wait until later.

so its not ok for me to say the parents should not have left them because someone from the family may come here. But its ok for you to say she may be dead or in a ditch when members of the family may come on the forum?

I felt I was being gagged by some of the responses I got from Admin when I voiced my views

---------- Post added at 11:16 ---------- Previous post was at 11:01 ----------

Originally Posted by zinglebarb

you wouldnt seeing as iirc you were doing the complaining. Saying she may be dead isnt gonna help find her is it? It was said voicing recriminations wouldnt be helpful. How helpful has this thread been in finding her? it isnt which is what I said ages ago

I take that back as I was incorrect sorry Chris

Originally Posted by zinglebarb

so its not ok for me to say the parents should not have left them because someone from the family may come here. But its ok for you to say she may be dead or in a ditch when members of the family may come on the forum?

Yep, you got it. Except the bit about 'you' and 'me'. I'm talking about what I think is reasonably sensitive and what is not when discussing fresh issues like this, not passing comment on any individual posts.

I felt I was being gagged by some of the responses I got from Admin when I voiced my views

Sorry but that's just not true. I've taken the trouble to have a quick skim over all of your posts in the entire thread - and all of those by Mick and Paul as well. They certainly made their views known quite forcefully (and I understand why), but I don't see any evidence of you feeling 'gagged'. You have given as good as you got throughout this discussion and nothing any member of the team has said to you in the thread has caused you to stop.

---------- Post added at 11:30 ---------- Previous post was at 11:30 ----------

Originally Posted by zinglebarb

I take that back as I was incorrect sorry Chris

Not a problem.

[Saaf_laandon_mo]

I'd say more people would be upset to read that "she might be in a ditch" as opposed to criticism of the parents role.

When I read the initial "in a ditch" post I just had an image of someone doing that to my own daughter and it upset me (Although Im not saying teh post should not have been allowed). I can understand that you dont want to be insensitive in case some close family of maddie's come across this discussion, but in my opinion the majority of the readers of this thread are not related.

COming across a post criticising the parents role is no different to putting on the TV and seeing someone saying the same thing on the news.

I think that people should not be disuaded from discussing the parents trole in this thread, it might prevent other parents from thinking that its ok to do this as it would never happen to tehir own kid.

Much of forum discussion is about persuasion (except when it's moderating, and nobody has tried to 'moderate' discussion of the parents' culpability so far as I can see). Everyone should feel free to persuade and dissuade each other as they see fit, so far as it doesn't break the rules.

[gazzae]

I can't help thinking that if it had been a single mum on benefits who left her kid at home while she went out then there would be a lot more people criticising her.

[Xaccers]

Originally Posted by gazzae

I can't help thinking that if it had been a single mum on benefits who left her kid at home while she went out then there would be a lot more people criticising her.

Probably because people would wonder how someone on benefits can afford to take a holiday.

[Saaf_laandon_mo]

Originally Posted by gazzae

I can't help thinking that if it had been a single mum on benefits who left her kid at home while she went out then there would be a lot more people criticising her.

My sentiments exactly.

There was a woman on the news sometime last week saying that its wrong to criticise the parents. She cited a few sceanarios of how a toddler could be snatched from a garden, while the parents are inside, or from the park while the parents turned around for a second.
You cannot compare the manner in which Maddie was abducted to a kid being abducted whilst a parent has lost sight of them for seconds. If maddie had been abducted from her bedroom whilst her parents were downstairs, for example, I would not criticise them at all.
But these are affluent people who could have made child care arrangements for example. Leaving your child (in this case 3 children) alone in a house whilst you're in a restaurant is totally irresponsible.

If Maddie hadnt been abducted we wouldn't have even know about two irresponsible and selfish parents who left their kids at home alone without taking any precautions to prevent anything whatsoever happening to them. What if they had fallen down the stairs, what if there was a fire, what if one of the kids woke up crying distressed from a nightmare. There were no adults present whatsoever in a villa/apartment where 3 under 5s were asleep. Now thats disgusting behaviour.

Like Gazzae says, if this had been a single parent she would have been vilified in the press, there would be fingers pointing at her for being stupid, people would be saying her kids should be taken into care because she cant be responsible for them.

[jkat]

Originally Posted by gazzae

I can't help thinking that if it had been a single mum on benefits who left her kid at home while she went out then there would be a lot more people criticising her.

yes indeed, the two remaining children would have been in care by now.

[slug]

Originally Posted by zinglebarb

so its not ok for me to say the parents should not have left them because someone from the family may come here. But its ok for you to say she may be dead or in a ditch when members of the family may come on the forum?

I felt I was being gagged by some of the responses I got from Admin when I voiced my views

Got to say I feel the same way as zinglebarb. Why was it so wrong to suggest last week that the parents were partly to blame, but this week its ok to say she is dead.