Dear Steve,
Thank you for your letter of September 2006 and in answer to your question, yes! As an NTL telephone and broadband customer, I did know that I was entitled to a special deal on digital TV. I'm not sure what tipped me off, it may have been the extensive advertising of the fact or the never ending stream of letters I've received from you. Either way, rest assured, the penny has dropped. I'm sorry, I should have written sooner, it's become quite clear to me that you've become fixated on my knowing this. Rest assured, I do.
Lets talk man to man Steve, we both know what this is about. When I moved into my new house eight months ago, I decided to go with you for the phone and broadband but not the digital TV. In hindsight, I can see that was insensitive of me. You felt cheap and used. You were looking for a long-term commitment and I was all "Wham, Bam, thank you Steve!". Please believe me, It's not you Steve, it's me. I'm really more of a reader, I'm just not as interested in watching re-runs of Lovejoy as you are. We want different things from life, you're just going to have to accept that.
Which brings me to the phone calls Steve. Every day for weeks and weeks, someone would ring my mobile during the morning and hang up every time I'd answer. As you know Steve, I work nights and this became very irritating. I was already losing sleep worrying about my decision to go without digital TV and this just made it a lot worse. The number the phone calls came from was 08000 272500. When I rang back all I got was a recorded Scottish lady saying I'd been contacted by a company called MGT, at least I think that's it (bless the Scots, their diction isn't brilliant is it Steve?). Ring the number right now Steve, you'll hear their message. There was no contact number, I couldn't find them on the internet and the message just said they'd rang on behalf of an unspecified client and, ominously, would ring again. Which they did, over and over and over again.
I was at a lose end, who wanted to get hold of me that badly? My housemate Gary said it sounded like it was something called an "automatic dialler" that had my number but you know how private I am Steve. I don't think I'd have given my number out to something like that. They only people I gave it to was you(NTL), Gary and my mum. Initially we suspected Mum to behind the calls but her Scottish accent really isn't good enough to pull it off, although it's thankfully not as unfortunately racist as her attempt at Welsh.
Never the less, I thought I'd go home to Dublin and confront her about it. She denied all knowledge and sat in her room sulking while watching re-runs of Lovejoy. Then came the break-through! When MGT did their daily ring and hang-up while I was over there, I got not the 0800 dead end number but thanks to the magic of international phone exchanges, I got their real number(01592 587200). When I rang back, I got an actual human being! Albeit one who works in tele-sales. She tried to protect you but after a lot of toing and fro-ing, she dropped the bombshell. They'd been given my number by you!
I was hurt, I was confused. I know we've had our problems in the past Steve but I did tick the "do not contact me" box on the contract and I can't believe you'd give my details to someone else. Instead of dealing with our problems head on Steve you hired someone to stalk me for weeks and weeks. If you'd have just stalked me yourself at least that I might have understood but instead you went for the commercial equivalent of putting my number on a loo wall with the message "If you're looking for a good time ring…"
I rang NTL's customer service line. They tried to cover for you Steve rest assured. Every one of those brave Customer service call center cannon fodderites was willing to dive on the emotional grenade of my outrage for you. They tried everything - 35 minutes of denying a company called MGT did sales calls for you, assurances nobody ever did sales calls for you, a game of pass the irate Paddy which lead to me speaking to about 30 different people. Eventually one of them cracked and admitted, yes it was you, yes I'd said not to contact me on my contract and very definitely not to give my details to a third party.
So, that's the real reason why I'm writing Steve. I rang over a week ago and I was assured my complaint was being dealt with and someone would get right back to me... but nothing. I think you're living in denial Steve. I'm taking your letter of this morning as a clumsy attempt to say you want things to go back to the way they were, that just can't happen.
I tried to talk to you directly on the phone about this Steve but your customer helpline is set up in such a way as to make talking to anyone of any kind of authority a complete impossibility. Indeed, as I sit here staring at my beloved NTL phone on my desk, I find it hard to believe that I was seriously told by a representative of NTL the
phone company, who provide my
phone services and who lead to me being
phoned every day for weeks, that the only real way to complain was to write you a letter. Steve, I think you've got a royal mail spy in your midst.
In summary Steve, I eagerly await the day when my contract with you expires and I can transfer to someone who is a lot less clingy. I tried to suggest to your people that in light of your appalling actions you should release me from my contract now but I was told that was impossible without my paying a wapping big fine. Steve, Steve, Steve - did no less a man than the great Sting say - 'If you love someone set them free'. In other words, I think we should see other people.
yours sincerely,
Caimh McDonnell
www.myspace.com/caimh
P.S. Oh what the hell, maybe we can work something out. So Steve, please send me your personal mobile number and lets talk about this man-to-man.
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