Was it REALLY my fault?

[Russ]

I have to be very careful how I word this as not to give the game away regarding who this involves, but I really need the opinions of others to ensure I don't go totally loopy.

I recently asked someone for some advice. I gave an outline of what the matter was but due to time restrictions, we could not discuss it in full and asked if I could email her to explain, to which I was told I could.

And I did.

I've now found out that this person was apparently slightly offended and embarrassed by what I asked, saying it was nothing to do with any area of her expertise and didn't really appreciate my email.

But why? She knew what the problem was, she knew I wanted her opinion, I asked if I could email her and she said I could - if she felt so strongly and uncomfortable about the subject (yes - it was the subject she didn't like, NOT the content) why did she agree to my emailing her? I was told that she probably felt too embarrassed to say no - my view on this is that it can't be my responsibility if she didn't have the courtesy or ability to say 'no' to my request about emailing her. Although we've all probably been in situations where we've felt it hard to say no, she had no business in complaining about my actions if she knew what it was about and invited me to discuss it further.

This has really annoyed me tonight. I cannot see what the problem is. It's hard for me to find any sympathy for someone who kicks up such a fuss like this when they were in control of it ever getting off the groung in the first place.

Sorry for ranting but I really need to ask you lot - who's in the wrong?

[greencreeper]

<wades in cautiously>

I'd imagine that her body language would have given the game away but you either couldn't (too preoccupied with your needs) or didn't see it (you're a man).

[dilli-theclaw]

Originally Posted by Russ D

<snip Russ' stuff>

Well - if she knew what the topic was before you emailed her - then I don't see what you have done wrong.

Even if she did have a problem with saying 'no' then I'd say it's still down to her to cope with the result of her actions.

But that's all my opinion - and I've been known to be wrong on lots of occasions - so you can choose to ignore it if you like

[danielf]

Difficult to tell really. It depends on how much the topic had been narrowed down before you emailed her.

Is it possible the topic was not quite what she expected when she said you could email her?

[iadom]

I'm a man who has been married to a woman for over 30 years, so I couldn't possibly comment. And that is not a flippant answer, but one born from long and sometimes painful experience.

[Russ]

Originally Posted by danielf

Difficult to tell really. It depends on how much the topic had been narrowed down before you emailed her.

Is it possible the topic was not quite what she expected when she said you could email her?

Not really. I told her what the issue was and she would have been able to decide from that if she wanted to/was able to deal with it.

Originally Posted by greencreeper

I'd imagine that her body language would have given the game away but you either couldn't (too preoccupied with your needs) or didn't see it (you're a man).

Body language wouldn't have come in to it. Without explaining too much, it was an environment where body language would not have been a factor.

Originally Posted by Russ D

Sorry for ranting but I really need to ask you lot - who's in the wrong?

She is.

[Nikko]

As I scrolled down, I was formulating a reply in my head. Then I got to iadom's post, which said it all.

[danielf]

Originally Posted by Russ D

Body language wouldn't have come in to it. Without explaining too much, it was an environment where body language would not have been a factor.

Is it possible she just said yes when she wanted to say no, because other people could hear her response and she didn't want them to hear her say no?

(Sorry, but you're not giving us a lot to go on here...)

[Florence]

I will give a womans view or more my view as a woman

Russ if you told her what you need help with and she agreed then you haven't done anything wrong. If she didn't like the subject and said it was ok for you to email her she was accepting that she would help you with this problem.

When it arrived if it was something she wasn't happy doing and only said yes coz she didn't like saying no. Then she didn't need to open the email she could have just said it didn't arrive and she would rather not help...

I wonder if she will say yes to everything rather than face upto what she don't like.

MPO is Russ you haven't done anything wrong and she had no right to complain.

[greencreeper]

Originally Posted by Russ D

Body language wouldn't have come in to it. Without explaining too much, it was an environment where body language would not have been a factor.

Probably explains it then

[Russ]

Originally Posted by danielf

Is it possible she just said yes when she wanted to say no, because other people could hear her response and she didn't want them to hear her say no?

That could possibly be it, which I totally respect. But in which case, she could have deleted the email (as Kits suggests), chosen to ignore it, ANYTHING but bring it up in the manner that she did.

Originally Posted by dilligaf1701

Even if she did have a problem with saying 'no' then I'd say it's still down to her to cope with the result of her actions.

Agreed.

[danielf]

Originally Posted by Russ D

That could possibly be it, which I totally respect. But in which case, she could have deleted the email (as Kits suggests), chosen to ignore it, ANYTHING but bring it up in the manner that she did.

In that case, I agree, she is wrong. She could have ignored it, or sent you a polite email saying that she does not really want to comment despite her earlier comment which was partly due to the circumstances in which your request was made.

[Charlie_Bubble]

Originally Posted by Russ D

Sorry for ranting but I really need to ask you lot - who's in the wrong?

C'mon Russ, it's a woman you're dealing with, therefore you're always in the wrong!