How did you recover from divorce?

[Halcyon]

So this topic goes out to all those that have got divorced.


Sadly, that includes me, and as some of you know, my world was tipped upside down when my ex wife decided to make false allegations and cause me huge problems. One minute all is fine and we are making plans, the next a different story. I still think there is something seriously wrong as so many things didnt add up, she had mental health issues and often blackouts and seizures making little sense, and made a lot of conflicting statements. But it is the way it is.
This also meant it made things very difficult when all I have ever wanted is to prioritise my children and put them first.


So, I'm trying to move on with my life. The divorce is almost at the final order.


Now got to face the financials and exchanging financial information.
Anything I should be careful about from those that have been there and done that?


And my main question is, how did you get back on your feet? One minute I was in my family home and now I don't have a home. How did you get started again?


I appreciate your replies.



Thankyou.

[Jaymoss]

Honestly slept around with as many women as possible. True Story not one I am proud of

I kept the council house as she left me for another man. She regretted not trying to get it but I am still here 26 years later. She tried to get full residence of my daughter and failed which tbh helped me as without the consistent access I would have had nothing to live for

[Halcyon]

Thankyou Jaymoss. It is a very difficult time and I truly believed I was in my forever home, had 3 children that I was heavily involved with from the day they were born, and then boom, everything changes.

I have needed councelling due to all this.

My very soon to be ex wife has caused me so many problems including making false allegations to the police. I have had to fight to see my children due to lies she made up and left the house as I feared what other allegations she could make.

I'm now fighting to see my children regularly and hoping that the financial settlements will be fair. She is living in the family home and I have nowhere at the moment, currently staying with my parents.
I'm hoping we either sell the house or she buys me out as I need the money to put down a new deposit and restart my life too.

[Dude111]

I am so sorry Halcyon ... People are very mean.........

Peace and love to you

[admars]

sorry to hear this, not happened to me, but some close friends had similar issues

they moved back in with their parents, not ideal as an adult, but only way to save money, and pay child support etc

also, wasn't ideal when kids came to stay, but they worked round it kids in his room, him on sofa for weekend etc

BIG thing, don't slag the ex off to your kids, if she says bad stuff about you to them, don't get revenge, don't call her a liar, but explain it's not all black and white or that simple.

it's taken a while, but now one of my mate's kids are older, they can see the truth, and know they have one manipulative parent, rather than two - btw the kids have turned out great despite the crap them and their dad was stuck in - he's in a great place now,met a nice lady, settled down with her

so take your time, get proper advice from professionals, citizens advice etc not just hearsay from ppl like me on the internet personal experience is obviously useful, but sooner or later there will be contradictions etc

good luck, if you need help that's fine, you've said you need councilling - good, not good you need it, but good you know you need it, and fingers crossed they help you

[TheDaddy]

Originally Posted by admars

sorry to hear this, not happened to me, but some close friends had similar issues

they moved back in with their parents, not ideal as an adult, but only way to save money, and pay child support etc

also, wasn't ideal when kids came to stay, but they worked round it kids in his room, him on sofa for weekend etc

BIG thing, don't slag the ex off to your kids, if she says bad stuff about you to them, don't get revenge, don't call her a liar, but explain it's not all black and white or that simple.

it's taken a while, but now one of my mate's kids are older, they can see the truth, and know they have one manipulative parent, rather than two - btw the kids have turned out great despite the crap them and their dad was stuck in - he's in a great place now,met a nice lady, settled down with her

so take your time, get proper advice from professionals, citizens advice etc not just hearsay from ppl like me on the internet personal experience is obviously useful, but sooner or later there will be contradictions etc

good luck, if you need help that's fine, you've said you need councilling - good, not good you need it, but good you know you need it, and fingers crossed they help you

Some good advice in here, especially about not slagging the ex wife off, the children won't thank you for it, just be the voice of reason to them and let them make their minds up.

I regret not trying harder with my now ex wife she had an affair but I don't blame her, we were bad together and I hoped splitting up would be best for everyone, she's still with the fella but I know she'd have chosen me if I'd fought for her, I didn't regret it at the time as for the first 5 years the time I spent with the children was frequent and quality and far better than anyone could've wished for but things move on and eventually they left our family home for pastures new and much further away so I saw them every two weeks and had them stay with me once a month. She filed for divorce after about 8 years and I dragged it out as long as I could as I didn't want my children's names being changed if she remarried and my daughter was particularly young so I saved and saved, only had three days off over 2 weeks for years to pay for solicitors and the settlement and in the end it was all very amicable and cheap so I was sat on a load of cash so bought a flat in London with it, which was something I'd have never done if we'd stayed together, that said I do look back on what I've missed with the children and regret not trying harder.

Anyway the two things I'd advise with your children is never miss a child support payment (try and reach legal agreement with her without the authorities involvement too if possible) and never miss a visit, that way no matter what's said about you your children will know the truth no matter what.

All the best Halcyon

[Halcyon]

Thankyou for your replies. I know it is not a nice topic but I am truly grateful for your help.

I have been making sure not to slag off or bad mouth my ex and as someone who works with primary aged children I know the damage this can have on them.
Unfortunately my ex has involved the children in many adult conversations and talked to them about court proceedings which under the interim child arrangement order no parties must involve the children in any adult or matters relating to the court.
She has also bad mouthed me and made the children worry about money matters, blaming me for this.

I can truthfully say I have always provided for my children and paid towards their upbringing each month.
My ex has now made a claim with the Child Maintenance Service (CMS) which is fair enough and makes things official. What she did do however is say that I never see my children which would increase her payments. This is not at all the case and I see them every other weekend and half the school holidays. I had to complain about this and get it rectified.


I make sure my payments are on time and have a standing order in place.

Sadly, as the house is not sold I am also having to pay my half of the mortgage which is making things very tight each month. On top of that I have had huge legal solicitor bills. It is very sad as this is money I had saved for my family.

I even suggested mediation when this all kicked off to put the children first but after agreeing and suggesting it as well, she then refused. I think this is to maintain her false allegations that she is afraid of me and vulnerable.
This is the person that on the same night she made allegations against me was saying that she wanted me home and telling the children I would be home soon. The same person who was texting me the night before and making plans with me.


She made several wild allegations and luckily I have CCTV on my property that backed me up. Funnily she didnt want anyone to see the CCTV.

I have kept a log of everything from the very beginning, including text messages, photos, etc, which show so many contradictions.
Another example is where she has said I tried to call her repeatedly early in the morning. My phone shows no such calls ever took place. Yet this then means more hell dealing with the police when I have done nothing wrong.

All in all, this had a huge impact on me as I was worried for my children in her care and also the constant allegations. Going to councelling has really helped to process this as it is harassment and totally breaks me to pieces.


My main focus is my children. I want to move on with my life.
I keep getting threatening letters from her solicitor saying I am trying to keep control over her and rekindle the relationship. I cant think of anything worse. I want nothing to do with her!
she even says that I am keeping things inside the house to show power over her. Total rubbish! It's still my home to at the moment and I have nowhere else to put my stuff.


We have not yet done the financials yet but I have had the email saying we can now apply for the divorce final order to end it. Should I wait until the financials are done before getting the final order?


Thankyou.

[Hom3r]

I know someone whose wife wanted to get in to swinging, he didn't but she did when their daughter was 6 months old and eventually left him, they got divorced and she remarried, and poisoned their daughters mind telling her that daddy was to blame. She now has no contact with him and refereed to her now stepdad as dad. He is hurt by this as she is getting married soon.

He on the other hand said he will never get married. Well he did and has two kids, one who was born on Christmas Day and there is a photo of his son being held by Posh & Becks, who were visiting the Children's ward.

As was said before NEVER say a bad thing about their mother in the kids earshot.

One day they will realise the truth.

[Halcyon]

Thankyou.
I really hope that one day the truth comes out.
It's just really sad and kids shouldnt be put through all this.