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Words of Wisdom ...
... from a Zen Master. Use these, and your life will improve no end!
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just go away and leave me alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt.
3. It's always darkest before the dawn. So, if you're going to steal your neighbours newspaper, that's the time to do it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
5. No-one is listening until you make a mistake.
6. Never test the depth of water with both feet.
7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
8. If you think that nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
9. Before your criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit by a river and drink beer all day.
12. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably the best £20 you ever spent.
13. Don't squat with spurs on.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember abything.
15. Some days you're the fly, other days you're the windscreen.
16. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
17. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
18. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
19. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
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