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Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
Holiday Jokes Pt 2 I FOUND THEM
Did you know that on a pack of Anthony Worrell Thompson sausages it has on the back †œP**** with a forkââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂ.
A farmer in Devon is standing by his field when a yank pulls up in a car and enquires to how big his farm his, †œ1000 acresÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚Â said the farm, the yanks repliesââ‚à ‚¬Ã‚ it takes me two days to drive across my ranchÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â€šà ¬Ã‚Â the farmer replied †œI once had a car like thatââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂ
Theyâ₠¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ve just launched Viagra Eye drops, they make you look hard.
And John, Jock & Paddy are working on the 50th floor of a building, at lunch the John says if I get Cheese & Onion sandwiches tomorrow Iâ₠™m jumping, the next day he has Cheese & Onion sandwiches and jumps 50 floors to his death. At lunch the next day Jock says if I get Haggis sandwiches tomorrow Iâ₠™m jumping, the next day he has Haggis sandwiches and jumps 50 floors to his death. At lunch the following day Paddy says if I get Potato sandwiches tomorrow Iâ₠™m jumping, the next day he has Potato sandwiches and jumps 50 floors to his death. There fellow workers are talking and saying †œI understand why John & Jock jumped, but Paddy made his own sandwiches.
A friend of mine is in hospital suffering from premature ejaculation, his condition is Touch and Go.
They got a Chippendales for the over 60â₠¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚¢s there called the Chipolatas.
My granddad was playing bowls and put down a lovely ball. He asked how close is it †œYouâà ƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚¬Ã¢â€ ¾Ã‚¢re a foot in front" the ref shouted back to him, †œWhat did he call meâ₠¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ said my granddad.
Iâ₠™m a trainee magician I canââ‚ ¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚¢t take a Rabbit out of a hat, but I can pull a hair out of my bum.
JUDGE: (To defendant) Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence
DEFENDANT: F*** all
JUDGE: (To clerk) What Did he say
CLERK: F*** all my Lord
JUDGE: Funny Iâ₠™m sure I saw his lips move.
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STAY AT HOME: I found out that mum will never walk again as the coronavirus attacked her nervous system. She died on September 30th, wearing a mask and she still might be alive today.
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