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Mum 15/08/46 - 30/09/20
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Galactic Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha, www.daves-world.co.uk. A secret Moonbase (shh don't tell anybody)
Age: 55
Services: 1 V6, 2x1TB TiVo, SH3. Samsung Galaxy Note 10+ 5G, Ton's of Smart Home stuff, & Cuddy Toy
Posts: 16,876
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Re: [merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2)
Quote:
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Originally Posted by marky
22. What statue stand on the top of Nelsons Column?
winnie
is this a quiz ?
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only truly stupid people will get wrong answers
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THE WORLDS LONGEST LIGHTBULB JOKES
Question: How many IBM employees does it take to change a light bulb?
2 People - preliminary discussion on concept of change
1 Person - devise and write formal bulb architecture
2 People - feasibility study and timetable of events
2 People - produce four utilities to reduce screw-in time (in addition to the electric utility)
1 Person - maintain ISO and DEC standards (sockets, voltage, AC/DC)
4 People - commonality task force on bulb change
15 People - change bulb
5 People - perform bulb functional test
2 People - perform bulb load test
3 People - perform bulb regression test
1 Person - perform bulb performance analysis
1 Person - perform bulb bottleneck analysis
1 Person - follow-up study (bulb merge feasibility)
1 Person - interface with Utilities Commission
1 Person - interface with users. (Did they want incandescent when we only supply non-tuneable fluorescent point product?) BAX (Bulbs Are expensive)!
5 People - perform BOSE (Build Other Socket Enhancements) compatibility/architecture study.
3 People - ensure form (round/square, clear/frosted) follows function (wattage, 120/240 volts, visible/ultraviolet, flashing, flood/spot).
3 People - implement temporary alternative bulb socket for already existing, successful and profitable socket (bulb-in-one).
5 People - determine how to market/package/distribute temporary alternative bulb socket.
10 People - determine how to perform bulb change product split (control: switches, dimmers; versus implementation: screw-in torque, recovery strategies)
1 Person - interface with utilities commission QA group
1 Person - submit to BDC (Bulb Distribution Centre)
1 Person - set up BPR (Bulb Problem Reports) system
10 People - answer customer BPRs
11 People - football team to challenge bulb changers.
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Question: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Whereas the party of the first part, also known as †œLawyerà€Â and the party of the second part, also known as †œLight Bulbââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂ, do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry-way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spill over illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part (†œReceptacleÃƒà ¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚à ‚Â), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part (†œNew Light Bulbââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂ). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorised by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as †œPartnership.Ãà ‚¢Ã¢â€šÂ¬Ã‚ ÂÂ
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STAY AT HOME: I found out that mum will never walk again as the coronavirus attacked her nervous system. She died on September 30th, wearing a mask and she still might be alive today.
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