[Halcyon]

On his way home from work a bloke comes to a halt in traffic and thinks to himself, 'wow, this traffic seems worse than usual, nothing's moving'.
He notices a policeman walking back and forth between the lines of cars, and so he winds down his window and asks: "Officer what's the hold up?"
The officer replies: "It's a Man Utd fan. He's really depressed about losing the Premiership to ****nal last season and again to Chelsea this season, being knocked out of Europe and the prospect of winning f**k all after gobbing-off all season, and he's threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire.
He says his family hate him, his mates are all laughing at him and he's never had a job, so I'm walking around taking a collection." "Oh really?" says the bloke. "How much have you collected so far?"
"Only about half a litre," replies the copper, "but a lot of people are still siphoning."