Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."
The other one says "so are you, you fat b*stard!"
---------- Post added at 09:53 ---------- Previous post was at 09:43 ----------
I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.'
He said 'To camp?',
I said (butchly) 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.'
I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.'
He said 'Camper?'
I said (campily) 'Make your mind up.'
---------- Post added at 09:59 ---------- Previous post was at 09:53 ----------
An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself she came to a conclusion. The quickest and surest way would be to shoot herself through the heart.
The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.
She shot herself in the left kneecap.
