[Stuart]

Diplomatic Relations
As spotted in The Sydney Morning Herald's letters section:

'Just wanted to drop you all a note of condolence on your World Cup
exit. Although you were never really good enough to be there in the
first place, as one of our foreign outposts we think you did quite well
and, most importantly, represented your Queen admirably. So, well done,
little colony.

'On the upside though, now at least your long-haired, scruffy, unclean
teenage masses can all return to London to resume their minimum wage
jobs, serving us thirsty English boys warm beer, just in time for the
games on Friday and Saturday. Good timing, really, because as everyone
agrees, the real tournament starts now that only the real footballing
teams are left.

'Well, chin up, anyway, pickpockets, and I suppose it's back to stealing
your mothers' ironing boards and heading to the sea to try to dodge
those hungry sharks. How sweet. Best regards and God save the Queen.

'Paul Kaynes West Sussex (England)'