Russian oil baron.......
Some years ago, a Russian oil baron who had six children, all girls, began to despair as he had no son and heir. Imagine his joy when one of his wives finally presented him with a son and heir.
Just before his son's sixth birthday, the baron took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have my own airplane." Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him United Airlines.
Just before his son's seventh birthday, the baron took him to one side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat." Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father bought him The Princess Cruise Lines.
Just before his son's eighth birthday, the baron took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch cartoons." Not wanting to look a cheapskate, his father bought him Disney Studios and their theatres, where he watched all his favourite cartoons.
Just before his son's ninth birthday, the baron took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son, who was by now really into the Disney cartoons, replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey Mouse outfit." Not wanting to appear to be tight, his father bought him Chelsea Football club.
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Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.
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Two men are fishing on a river bank in a remote area of the River Thames on a Saturday afternoon miles away from any radio or tv.
Suddenly one man turns to the other and says "The Gunners have lost again."
The other man was flabbergasted and said "how in the name of god do you know that?"
The other man replied "It's quarter to five."