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Originally Posted by punky
All this "make sure she clearly says yes" stuff doesn't matter...
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This all started because 'not saying no' was being seen as the same as saying 'yes'.
Now in a normal, loving realtionship, that is probably true. i.e. your gf is unlikely to specifically say yes, or to expect you to ask - it would rather spoil the moment - but in this case there is a level of trust between the people that suffices.
However, in a casual relationship there is no trust, as such. You might both accept that the other is unlikely to be a serial killer, but the moment, the alcohol, the passion - it's all getting in the way of fully understanding what you're getting into. And that applies to BOTH parties. She might not shout 'rape' the next day - but she might just tell everyone about her new 'boyfriend' - all of a sudden you have become more to her than you'd bargained for. So it pays for both participants to be sure of what they're doing. Which means if the other person is too drunk to make sense - perhaps it's better to abstain. It also means if you sense uncertainty (from her OR yourself) then maybe it's not such a good idea - no matter how sexy she is.
Even if you can get her to sign that consent card, doesn't mean one of you won't regret it in the morning.
---------- Post added at 10:53 ---------- Previous post was at 10:45 ----------
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Originally Posted by punky
 You know what I mean... I'd take alcohol out of the equation. Even if it was a dinner date with some wine and she wasn't drinking to excess, i'd wait until the next morning when she was sober before I make the decision to try and take things further. |
Yeah - I knew what you meant
Trouble is, when a girl has been wined and dined, that's exactly whe she would want you to 'take things further' - if she felt the same.
It really isn't that difficult. Don't assume you can kiss on the first date. In fact, don't assume you can kiss on any date. If you're trying to develop a
serious relationship, then there is no rush, and when the time is right you'll both know it. That might be on the first date - or it might be after some time.
And even then - having kissed does not mean that the floodgates have now opened and you can now start fondling etc. Again, what is acceptable and what isn't will be quite clear, if you approach the relationship with respect for each other.
That doesn't mean that a casual relationship cannot be respectful too. And if it is, then it will also not be too difficult to know what is, and what is not, 'on offer'.