Cable Forum - View Single Post

MovedGoalPosts · 02-02-2006, 19:53

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly with two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband.

He has not, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

"Ah... So solly," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck".

---------- Post added at 19:47 ---------- Previous post was at 19:41 ----------

Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat.

After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge.

What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked.

Why, that's my Speaking Clock" the man replied.

"How does it work?"

"I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer.

Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For **** sake, you *****, it's twenty to two in the ****ing morning!!"

---------- Post added at 19:51 ---------- Previous post was at 19:47 ----------

Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are
charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner."

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b******!"

The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with the same spanner."

Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You ******* b******!!!"

The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?"

Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years I lived next door to that bloke. Every time I asked to borrow
a spanner, he said he didn't have one!"

---------- Post added at 19:53 ---------- Previous post was at 19:51 ----------

Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four"

"Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons."

You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.

"The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!"

"Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."

02-02-2006, 19:53	#399
MovedGoalPosts Inactive Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: 127.0.0.1 Age: 61 Posts: 15,868	Re: [Merged] The Joke Thread (Part 2) A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly with two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He has not, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise." "Ah... So solly," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck". ---------- Post added at 19:47 ---------- Previous post was at 19:41 ---------- Following a night out with a few friends, a man brought them back to show off his new flat. After the grand tour, the visitors were rather perplexed by the large gong taking pride of place in the lounge. What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. Why, that's my Speaking Clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "I'll show you", the man said, giving the gong an ear-shattering blow with an unpadded hammer. Suddenly, a voice from the other side of the wall screamed, "For ** sake, you *, it's twenty to two in the ing morning!!" ---------- Post added at 19:51 ---------- Previous post was at 19:47 ---------- Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner." A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You b**!" The judge continued, "You are also charged with beating your daughter to death with the same spanner." Again, the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, "You *** b****!!!" The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the courtroom, and said, "Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?" Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, "For fifteen years I lived next door to that bloke. Every time I asked to borrow a spanner, he said he didn't have one!" ---------- Post added at 19:53 ---------- Previous post was at 19:51 ---------- Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.Paddy the officer stops them and tells them: "It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four" "Quattro is just the name of the automobile," the Englishman retorts disbelievingly. "Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry five persons." You cannot pull that one on me," replies Paddy "Quattro means four. You have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law. "The Englishmen replies angrily, "You idiot! Call your supervisor over I want to speak to someone with more intelligence!" "Sorry," responds Paddy, "Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno."