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PeopleSoftGuy · 27-01-2006, 00:40

Financial Peril
---------------
The following question appeared in the 2005 Industrial Economics examination paper at the London School of Economics:

Question 14a
The population of these unfortunate creatures is decimated around Thanksgiving every year. What are they?

The markers were advised to award full marks if the student mentioned turkeys or Hutchison 3G employees in their answer.

---------- Post added at 00:34 ---------- Previous post was at 00:33 ----------

Frugalis Extremis
-----------------
Two engineers from 3UK needed to attend a 3G conference but the company was broke and could only afford one air ticket.
The engineer boarded the aircraft and, with help from a stewardess, managed to get his large, lumpy suitcase into the overhead locker. "Do you always travel with such heavy luggage?" the stewardess enquired.
"This is the last time," he grumbled. "On the return journey my colleague will carry the suitcase."

---------- Post added at 00:34 ---------- Previous post was at 00:34 ----------

More Retrenchments
------------------
A 3G telco was going downhill and they were forced to act. The CTO received his orders and dutifully carried them out. Then a week later he was told the CEO wanted to see him.
"Please explain," demanded the CEO. "There are as many people in the office today as when I told you to reduce your staff."
"Reduce my staff? When you said we all needed crew cuts I thought . . ."

---------- Post added at 00:35 ---------- Previous post was at 00:34 ----------

IPO Briefing
------------
3 held an information session in the City to spruik enthusiasm amongst institutional investors for the proposed 3UK share float. They hired an auditorium in the same function centre where a wizards' convention was being held and, due to an unfortunate mix-up, a magic microphone was installed in the wrong auditorium. The microphone was unusual in that if anyone spoke a lie into it, that person would disappear.
The Master of Ceremonies greeted the audience. He thanked everyone for attending and introduced the first speaker, the CTO.
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm 3UK's Chief Technical Officer. It's no secret that we've had some serious problems with our network and IT systems. But I think we are finally getting on top of them." POOF! He disappeared.
The audience was shocked but the MC was an old pro, he remained calm and professional and introduced the second speaker.
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm 3UK's Chief Financial Officer. It's no secret that our business model was deeply flawed and we've been losing an awful lot of money. But I think we've turned the corner and we'll be a viable business soon." POOF! He disappeared.
The audience gasped with alarm but the MC didn't falter. He immediately introduced the final speaker.
"Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm 3UK's Chief Executive Officer. I think . . ." POOF! He disappeared.

---------- Post added at 00:36 ---------- Previous post was at 00:35 ----------

Winnie the Psychic
------------------
I am blessed with the gift of seeing the future. My mother was a psychic, as was her mother, and now my reputation is spreading beyond Nigeria. I'm also good at cooking and anagrams.

Although England is far, far away I sense great anguish over the coming 3UK share float. Will it be successful or will the share price plunge to gloomy depths?

Many minds troubling over this question would be at peace if the answer was already known, so I decided to apply my great powers to the problem. First, I wrote the following words on parchment:
"3UK share float"

Then I tore it up, recited a secret incantation and threw the pieces into the air. The pieces fell to the ground and formed a new message. The message was:
"Fate hurls 3 a KO"

This is the answer you've been seeking.

---------- Post added at 00:37 ---------- Previous post was at 00:36 ----------

Hullo Hullo Hullo
-----------------
3UK's CFO was in the CEO's office discussing the corporate accounts.
The Chief Financial Officer says "Yes, it looks very bad. What do you think we should do?"

The CEO says "I think we should commit suicide".

His secretary sitting outside the office overhears this remark and calls the police. The police arrive promptly and burst into the office. They find one executive drinking battery acid, and the other eating fireworks.

The police charged one and let the other one off.

---------- Post added at 00:38 ---------- Previous post was at 00:37 ----------

Workaholic
----------
3's CEO is in his office practicing his golf putting. He opens his cupboard to get out his new putter and notices an antique oil lamp beneath his golf bag and tennis racquets. After retrieving the lamp he gives it a polish and a genie appears who, as usual, grants him three wishes.

"I wish to be on a tropical island by the seaside," says the CEO. Poof! He finds himself on a beach in the Bahamas.

"Oooh, it's nice and hot here," he says. "I wish I had an ice cold drink." Poof!
He finds a pina colada in his hand.

He says, "For my third wish, I wish I never have to work again." Poof! He finds himself back in the UK in his office.

---------- Post added at 00:39 ---------- Previous post was at 00:38 ----------

Nostradamus
------------

Oh my God. Nostradamus has foretold the end of 3UK at the hands of Richard Branson ...

C3Q22
Six days the attack made before the city:
Battle will be given strong and harsh:
Three will surrender it, and to them pardon:
The rest to fire and to bloody slicing and cutting.

C8Q77
The antichrist very soon annihilates the three,
twenty-seven years his war will last.
The unbelievers are dead, captive, exiled;
with blood, human bodies, water and red hail covering the earth.

---------- Post added at 00:40 ---------- Previous post was at 00:39 ----------

The Leprechaun
--------------
"Sold!" said Canning Fok into the telephone.

The next morning the CEO arrives at work and finds a small elf-like creature standing in his office. Before it has a chance to run away the CEO grabs it by the arm. The CEO thinks to himself "I thought leprechauns only existed in jokes. But I know the routine - I only get one wish so I'd better not waste it".

The CEO muses, "This could be my big break. I might finally be able to improve things around here. But where do I start? The mobile phone network isn't working properly, the billing and I.T. systems are a mess, the business plan is failing, the customers are deserting, losses are mounting and the employees are making up jokes about me. A cruel dilemma: so many things to wish for, but only one wish. There must be a way to fix everything..."

Suddenly the CEO exclaims, "I have it!" He turns to the little creature and says, "I wish I was no longer CEO of a dysfunctional company!"

"Your wish is granted," said the new owner of 3, Richard Branson.

27-01-2006, 00:40	#390
PeopleSoftGuy Inactive Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 3	Some jokes about 3 Financial Peril --------------- The following question appeared in the 2005 Industrial Economics examination paper at the London School of Economics: Question 14a The population of these unfortunate creatures is decimated around Thanksgiving every year. What are they? The markers were advised to award full marks if the student mentioned turkeys or Hutchison 3G employees in their answer. ---------- Post added at 00:34 ---------- Previous post was at 00:33 ---------- Frugalis Extremis ----------------- Two engineers from 3UK needed to attend a 3G conference but the company was broke and could only afford one air ticket. The engineer boarded the aircraft and, with help from a stewardess, managed to get his large, lumpy suitcase into the overhead locker. "Do you always travel with such heavy luggage?" the stewardess enquired. "This is the last time," he grumbled. "On the return journey my colleague will carry the suitcase." ---------- Post added at 00:34 ---------- Previous post was at 00:34 ---------- More Retrenchments ------------------ A 3G telco was going downhill and they were forced to act. The CTO received his orders and dutifully carried them out. Then a week later he was told the CEO wanted to see him. "Please explain," demanded the CEO. "There are as many people in the office today as when I told you to reduce your staff." "Reduce my staff? When you said we all needed crew cuts I thought . . ." ---------- Post added at 00:35 ---------- Previous post was at 00:34 ---------- IPO Briefing ------------ 3 held an information session in the City to spruik enthusiasm amongst institutional investors for the proposed 3UK share float. They hired an auditorium in the same function centre where a wizards' convention was being held and, due to an unfortunate mix-up, a magic microphone was installed in the wrong auditorium. The microphone was unusual in that if anyone spoke a lie into it, that person would disappear. The Master of Ceremonies greeted the audience. He thanked everyone for attending and introduced the first speaker, the CTO. "Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm 3UK's Chief Technical Officer. It's no secret that we've had some serious problems with our network and IT systems. But I think we are finally getting on top of them." POOF! He disappeared. The audience was shocked but the MC was an old pro, he remained calm and professional and introduced the second speaker. "Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm 3UK's Chief Financial Officer. It's no secret that our business model was deeply flawed and we've been losing an awful lot of money. But I think we've turned the corner and we'll be a viable business soon." POOF! He disappeared. The audience gasped with alarm but the MC didn't falter. He immediately introduced the final speaker. "Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm 3UK's Chief Executive Officer. I think . . ." POOF! He disappeared. ---------- Post added at 00:36 ---------- Previous post was at 00:35 ---------- Winnie the Psychic ------------------ I am blessed with the gift of seeing the future. My mother was a psychic, as was her mother, and now my reputation is spreading beyond Nigeria. I'm also good at cooking and anagrams. Although England is far, far away I sense great anguish over the coming 3UK share float. Will it be successful or will the share price plunge to gloomy depths? Many minds troubling over this question would be at peace if the answer was already known, so I decided to apply my great powers to the problem. First, I wrote the following words on parchment: "3UK share float" Then I tore it up, recited a secret incantation and threw the pieces into the air. The pieces fell to the ground and formed a new message. The message was: "Fate hurls 3 a KO" This is the answer you've been seeking. ---------- Post added at 00:37 ---------- Previous post was at 00:36 ---------- Hullo Hullo Hullo ----------------- 3UK's CFO was in the CEO's office discussing the corporate accounts. The Chief Financial Officer says "Yes, it looks very bad. What do you think we should do?" The CEO says "I think we should commit suicide". His secretary sitting outside the office overhears this remark and calls the police. The police arrive promptly and burst into the office. They find one executive drinking battery acid, and the other eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other one off. ---------- Post added at 00:38 ---------- Previous post was at 00:37 ---------- Workaholic ---------- 3's CEO is in his office practicing his golf putting. He opens his cupboard to get out his new putter and notices an antique oil lamp beneath his golf bag and tennis racquets. After retrieving the lamp he gives it a polish and a genie appears who, as usual, grants him three wishes. "I wish to be on a tropical island by the seaside," says the CEO. Poof! He finds himself on a beach in the Bahamas. "Oooh, it's nice and hot here," he says. "I wish I had an ice cold drink." Poof! He finds a pina colada in his hand. He says, "For my third wish, I wish I never have to work again." Poof! He finds himself back in the UK in his office. ---------- Post added at 00:39 ---------- Previous post was at 00:38 ---------- Nostradamus ------------ Oh my God. Nostradamus has foretold the end of 3UK at the hands of Richard Branson ... C3Q22 Six days the attack made before the city: Battle will be given strong and harsh: Three will surrender it, and to them pardon: The rest to fire and to bloody slicing and cutting. C8Q77 The antichrist very soon annihilates the three, twenty-seven years his war will last. The unbelievers are dead, captive, exiled; with blood, human bodies, water and red hail covering the earth. ---------- Post added at 00:40 ---------- Previous post was at 00:39 ---------- The Leprechaun -------------- "Sold!" said Canning Fok into the telephone. The next morning the CEO arrives at work and finds a small elf-like creature standing in his office. Before it has a chance to run away the CEO grabs it by the arm. The CEO thinks to himself "I thought leprechauns only existed in jokes. But I know the routine - I only get one wish so I'd better not waste it". The CEO muses, "This could be my big break. I might finally be able to improve things around here. But where do I start? The mobile phone network isn't working properly, the billing and I.T. systems are a mess, the business plan is failing, the customers are deserting, losses are mounting and the employees are making up jokes about me. A cruel dilemma: so many things to wish for, but only one wish. There must be a way to fix everything..." Suddenly the CEO exclaims, "I have it!" He turns to the little creature and says, "I wish I was no longer CEO of a dysfunctional company!" "Your wish is granted," said the new owner of 3, Richard Branson.