Murphy was on a quiz show and the quiz master says
For £1000 pounds Murphy please complete the following song title -
"Ole Mcdonald had a ****"
Murphy replied "farm"
The quiz msater said for £10000 pounds spell it
Murphy panicked and said "E I E I O"
Murphy opened a pub on the moon but it failed as it had no atmosphere.
There were an Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman trying to score a free ticket entry to the Olympics.
The Englishman seen a wooden pole lying on the ground and picked it up and walked up to the gate and said "Bentley, England, Pole Vault" and got in
The Scotsman seen a man hole cover lying on the ground and picked it up and walked up to the gate and said "Mcgregor, Scotland, Discuss" and got in
The Irishman seen a roll of barbed wire lying on the ground and picked it up and walked up to the gate and said "Murphy, Ireland, Fencing"
Murphy turns to Flanagan and says "I have bad news and good news"
So Flanagan says "Whats the bad news" and Murph says "The English have landed on the moon" and Flanagan says "Ok so what is the goodnews" so Murph says "All of them"
Down on their luck Casey and Murphy are walking through the streets of London and they see a sign in a restaurant window saying "If we cannot serve a meal you ask for we will pay you £100"
Casey says to Murphy "Come on lets give it a try" and erring on the side of caution Murphy says "What if they serve us what we order" and Casey replies "Well we can always wash dishes to pay for the meal"
They enter the Restaurant and order Elephant Kidneys on toast and 5 minutes later the waiter arrives back at the table and hands over £100 and says "Your in luck we just ran out of bread"
Finally -
Murphy gets called into his sons school and is told by the headmaster "Your son is in a class of his own"
Murphy says "Superb I did not know he was doing so well"
The Headmaster replies "He is not he smells"