[gazzae]

The Irish daughter, Colleen, had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her; " Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum through??!!"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."

"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!"

"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten bed-roomed mansion, plus a savings account certificate for £5 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex,and for you, Daddy, the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club. ...(takes a breath)...an invitation for you all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

"Colleen, what was it you said you had become?"

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad! ... Sniff, sniff"

"Oh! Jesus, Mary and Joseph! - you scared me half to death, Girl! I thought you said "a Protestant". Come here and give your old man a hug!"
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The Reverend John Fluff was the pastor of a small town in Ireland. One day he was walking down the high street when he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

"Miss Fitzgerald", he said sternly. "This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"

"Sure", she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Miss Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the reverend wound up on top of Miss Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oi mate, we won't have any of that carrying on in this pub."

The reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't understand, Iâ₠¬ÃƒÆ’¢â€žÂ¢m Pastor Fluff."

The landlord nodded and said, "Oh well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."