[Hom3r]

Holiday Jokes Pt 2 I FOUND THEM

Did you know that on a pack of Anthony Worrell Thompson sausages it has on the back †œP**** with a forkâ₠¬Ã‚Â�.

A farmer in Devon is standing by his field when a yank pulls up in a car and enquires to how big his farm his, †œ1000 acresââ‚ƚ¬Ã‚ÂÂÂ� said the farm, the yanks repliesââ‚à ‚¬Ã‚ÂÂÂ� it takes me two days to drive across my ranchââ‚ƚ¬Ã‚ÂÂÂ� the farmer replied †œI once had a car like thatââ‚ ¬Ã‚ÂÂÂ�

Theyâ₠¬Ã¢â€žÂ¢ve just launched Viagra Eye drops, they make you look hard.

And John, Jock & Paddy are working on the 50th floor of a building, at lunch the John says if I get Cheese & Onion sandwiches tomorrow Iâ₠¬ÃƒÆ’¢â€žÂ¢m jumping, the next day he has Cheese & Onion sandwiches and jumps 50 floors to his death. At lunch the next day Jock says if I get Haggis sandwiches tomorrow Iâ₠¬ÃƒÆ’¢â€žÂ¢m jumping, the next day he has Haggis sandwiches and jumps 50 floors to his death. At lunch the following day Paddy says if I get Potato sandwiches tomorrow Iâ₠¬ÃƒÆ’¢â€žÂ¢m jumping, the next day he has Potato sandwiches and jumps 50 floors to his death. There fellow workers are talking and saying †œI understand why John & Jock jumped, but Paddy made his own sandwiches.

A friend of mine is in hospital suffering from premature ejaculation, his condition is Touch and Go.

They got a Chippendales for the over 60â₠¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚¢s there called the Chipolatas.

My granddad was playing bowls and put down a lovely ball. He asked how close is it †œYouâà ƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¡Ã‚¬Ã¢â€à …¾Ã‚¢re a foot in front" the ref shouted back to him, †œWhat did he call meââ‚ ¬Ãƒâ€šÃ‚ÂÂ� said my granddad.

Iâ₠¬ÃƒÆ’¢â€žÂ¢m a trainee magician I canââ‚Âà ‚¬ÃƒÂ¢Ã¢â‚¬Å¾Ã‚¢t take a Rabbit out of a hat, but I can pull a hair out of my bum.

JUDGE: (To defendant) Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence
DEFENDANT: F*** all
JUDGE: (To clerk) What Did he say
CLERK: F*** all my Lord
JUDGE: Funny Iâ₠¬ÃƒÆ’¢â€žÂ¢m sure I saw his lips move.