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Re: The Joke Thread (Part 2)
A few quick ones to bump this thread a bit...
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I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 20 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
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Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
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Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
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A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
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Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent
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A Sunday school teacher asked her class,"What was Jesus' mother's name?"
One child answered, "Mary."
The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"
A little kid said, "Verge." Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?" The kid said, "Well, you know, they are always talking about Verge n'Mary.
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An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in the Algarve in Portugal. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional.
"Y'know" said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why in Glasgow, there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals, so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the 5th drink for you."
"Well" said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."
"Ahhh that's nothin'" said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Irishman's claims. He in turn swears every word is true. "Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not me myself, personally, no," said the Irishman. "But it did happen to my sister".
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