[TheDaddy]

Originally Posted by admars

sorry to hear this, not happened to me, but some close friends had similar issues

they moved back in with their parents, not ideal as an adult, but only way to save money, and pay child support etc

also, wasn't ideal when kids came to stay, but they worked round it kids in his room, him on sofa for weekend etc

BIG thing, don't slag the ex off to your kids, if she says bad stuff about you to them, don't get revenge, don't call her a liar, but explain it's not all black and white or that simple.

it's taken a while, but now one of my mate's kids are older, they can see the truth, and know they have one manipulative parent, rather than two - btw the kids have turned out great despite the crap them and their dad was stuck in - he's in a great place now,met a nice lady, settled down with her

so take your time, get proper advice from professionals, citizens advice etc not just hearsay from ppl like me on the internet personal experience is obviously useful, but sooner or later there will be contradictions etc

good luck, if you need help that's fine, you've said you need councilling - good, not good you need it, but good you know you need it, and fingers crossed they help you

Some good advice in here, especially about not slagging the ex wife off, the children won't thank you for it, just be the voice of reason to them and let them make their minds up.

I regret not trying harder with my now ex wife she had an affair but I don't blame her, we were bad together and I hoped splitting up would be best for everyone, she's still with the fella but I know she'd have chosen me if I'd fought for her, I didn't regret it at the time as for the first 5 years the time I spent with the children was frequent and quality and far better than anyone could've wished for but things move on and eventually they left our family home for pastures new and much further away so I saw them every two weeks and had them stay with me once a month. She filed for divorce after about 8 years and I dragged it out as long as I could as I didn't want my children's names being changed if she remarried and my daughter was particularly young so I saved and saved, only had three days off over 2 weeks for years to pay for solicitors and the settlement and in the end it was all very amicable and cheap so I was sat on a load of cash so bought a flat in London with it, which was something I'd have never done if we'd stayed together, that said I do look back on what I've missed with the children and regret not trying harder.

Anyway the two things I'd advise with your children is never miss a child support payment (try and reach legal agreement with her without the authorities involvement too if possible) and never miss a visit, that way no matter what's said about you your children will know the truth no matter what.

All the best Halcyon