With all of the recent snow we've been having, thought this would raise a smile:
The Diary of a Londoner living in the Scottish Highlands.
OUR FIRST WINTER IN SCOTLAND
16th December
Moved in on the 12th and after a lot of hassle finally got settled. Last of the furniture arrived this morning. Sky's looking decidedly gray looks like we could be in for some snow. Wonder if we might be having a White Christmas - last time I experienced that was back in the 70's when I was a youngster.
19th December
It started to snow today! The first of the season, and the very first we have seen for years. The wife and I took our hot toddies out onto the porch and watched the fluffy soft snowflakes gently drift from the sky, leaving a twinkling diamond-like dusting on the trees and the lawn. It is so beautiful and peaceful here.
20th December
We awoke delighted to find a beautiful blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering the land as far as the eye can see. What a fantastic sight, every tree and bush is now adorned with a lovely mystical cotton wool covering, sparkling as if sent from heaven itself.
22nd December
Today I shovelled for the first time ever and I loved it! I cleared both our driveway and the whole of the pavement outside our house and the house next door. Later on, a snowplough came past and accidentally covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver gave a big wave and smiled as he went past, I waved back and then shovelled the driveway clear again. The children next door built a snowman, with coal for its eyes and a carrot for its nose, they then had a snowball fight. A couple of snowballs just missed me and hit the car, I threw a couple back and joined in the fun.
26th December
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees and bushes have snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards the snowplough came by and did the same trick again. Much of the snow is now a brownish grey.
29th December
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon turned into ice as the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both cars. Fell on my backside in the driveway and ended up in casualty, luckily nothing broken!
2nd January
Still cold! Had another 8 inches of white sh**e last night. Sold the wife's car the other day and bought a 4x4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall and caused considerable damage to the right wing. Both the vehicles are covered in salt and iced up slush. The bas***d snowplough came by twice today Where's the bloody shovel?
5th January
More f*****g snow! Not a tree or a bush on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power went and stayed off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and paraffin heater, which then tipped over and nearly torched the house. Managed to put the flames out, but suffered second degree burns to my hands, and lost all of my eyebrows and eyelashes.
Car hit a f*****g deer on the way to casualty and was written off.
8th January
F*****g white stuff keeps coming down! Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the postbox. The little bas****s next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back and as for their f*****g snowman, I'll shove that carrot so far up their ar**s, it'll take a surgeon hours to find it and if I ever catch the wa**er that drives the snowplough, I'll rip open his chest and chew out his heart with my teeth! I reckon the bas***d hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shovelling. He then accelerates down the street like Michael f*****g Schumacher and buries the f*****g drive again!
10th January
Sixteen more f*****g inches of f*****g snow, f*****g ice, f*****g sleet and God knows whatever other white sh**e fell last night. Can't move my f*****g toes, its so cold. I'm due in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with a cricket bat. Haven't seen the sun for five weeks. Minus 20degrees, and more f*****g snow forecast!!!
14th January
F**k this!! We're moving back to London.