Has somebody been sending out the bumper joke book from 1950 to forum members?
Mary had just got married and, being a traditional Scottish bride, (work with me here!!) she was still a virgin.
On her wedding night, they were staying at her mother's house, and she was very nervous.
Her mother reassured her; 'Don't worry, Mary, Tam's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.
Meanwhile, I'll be here making the mince.'
So, up she went. When she got upstairs, Tam took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest.
Mary ran downstairs to her mother and says, 'Mum, Mum, Tam's got a big hairy chest.'
'Don't worry, Mary,' says the mother, 'all good men have hairy chests.
Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.'
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tam took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Mary ran downstairs to her mother. 'Mum, Mum, Tam took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!'
'Don't worry! All good men have hairy legs. Tam's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.'
So, up she went again. When she got there, Tam took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes.
When Mary saw this, she ran downstairs. 'Mum, Mum, Tam's got a foot and a half!'
Her mother said 'Stay here lass and stir this mince