A small zoo in Glasgow acquired a very rare species of gorilla. However, within a few weeks the gorilla (a female), became very boisterous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in season and to make matters worse, there was no male gorilla (of the same species) available.
Thinking about their problem, the head Zoo Keeper immediately thought of Boaby McKay, a local lad and part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. He was a likeable character and strong as an ox but not the brightest of individuals also (being extremely hairy), he was often referred to as "little kong" by his workmates.
Considering this, the keeper thought they might have a solution. Boaby was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for £500? Boaby showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:
1. "First", Boaby said, "Ah'm no gonnae kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
2. "Second", he said, "Ye cannae tell naebedy aboot this." The Keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
3. "Third", Boaby said, "I want all the weans raised as Celtic fans." Once again it was agreed.
4. "And last of all", Boaby stated, "You gonnae havtae give me another week to come up with the £500"
