Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night.
Mick, the bartender, says "Paddy you've a skin full - you'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy."
Paddy replies "OK den Mick, oi'll be on my way then".
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off, falling flat on his face.
"What the...." he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face again. "bollox!" he says. He looks to the doorway and thinks that if he can just get to the door and get some fresh air he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame.
He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feeling much better he takes a step out onto the pavement and falls flat on his face.
"Bejaisus... I'm soused," he says.
He can see his house just a few doors down, and decides to try for it. He crawls down the street and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and looks inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says, "You've got to troi Paddy udderwise you'll be here all noit." Somehow he manages crawl up the stairs to his bedroom door and says,"Oi tink I can make it to the bed."
He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face again. He says, "It's no good, Oi'll end up killin meself oi will, oi gotta stop drinking," but (in the end) manages to crawl to the bed and fall in.
The next morning, his wife comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "wake up Paddy ya lush, to be sure you were out drinkin yurself stupid again last noit?"
Paddy says, "Oi did Jess, yes oi did. I was totally aersoled - but you were staying at you mother's - so how'd you know?"
"Mick called ... ya eedjut - you left your wheelchair in the pub again."
Si thee
