The official from Nescafé manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafé official whispers, "Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafé is prepared to donate £100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The Prayer is the word of the Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," says the Nescafé man, "We anticipated your reluctance. For this reason, we will increase our offer to £300 million. All we require is that you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to Give us this day our daily coffee'."
Again, the Pope replies, "That, my son, is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord and it must not be changed."
Finally, the Nescafé guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafé respect your adherence to your faith, but we do have one final offer. We will donate £500 million - that's half a billion quid - to the Catholic church if you will change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'. Please consider it." And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news. The good
news is that the Church will come into £500 million."
And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're dropping the Hovis account."
Sigh...........................!
Ohh they get worse, see below!
Paddy was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
Doc: "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.
"
When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS!
Doc: "Why, that's amazing, you followed my instructions?"
Paddy nodded...
Paddy: "I'll tell you doh, by Jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on every tird day."
Doc: "From hunger?"
Paddy: "No, from skippin'.....!
Sigh...................!
Si thee