[Gareth]

Three Englishmen are in a pub and spot a Scotsman at the bar. The first one says he's going to p*ss him off. So he walks over to the Scotsman, taps him on the shoulder and says "Hey Jock, I hear your St. Andrew was a poof."

"Oh aye really? Hmm, I didnae ken that."

Puzzled, the Englishman walks back to his buddies. "I told him St. Andrew was a poof and he didn't care!"

"You just don't know how to set him off, watch and learn" says his friend. So this second Englishman walks over and taps the Scotsman on the shoulder.

"Hey Jock, I hear your St. Andrew was a transvestite poof!"

"Jings, I didnae ken that either! Cheers pal." Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman goes back to his buddies. "You're right. He's unshakeable!"

But the the third Englishman says "No, no, no, I'll really p*ss him off, you just watch."

So he wanders over to the Scotsman, taps him on the shoulder and says "Hey Jock, I hear your St. Andrew was an Englishman!"

"Aye, so yer mates were sayin...."