Thought this article was very funny...
How to bluff your way to the top of the game
Few of my faves..
— Any player being filmed leaving a team bus must ensure that he is wearing headphones and carrying a small Louis Vuitton wash bag.
— When a player is judged offside and still shoots but doesn’t score, he must pretend he knew it was offside all along and didn’t really try to score at all. On the other hand, if he does score, he must act “outraged” and “robbed”.
— Any striker who is more than five yards offside must still either wag a finger or launch a tirade of expletives at the flag-bearing official.
— Keepers must use the special adhesive power of saliva by spitting into their gloves as much as possible during games. They should also kick the soles of their boots against the post at least three times in each half.