Two blondes decide to rob a bank together. The first blonde, Judy, plans the robbery and goes over the plan with the second blonde, Cindy, in great detail.
The robbery begins. Judy drives up in front of the bank, stops the car and says to Cindy, "I want to make absolutely sure you understand the plan. You are supposed to be in and out of the bank in no more than three minutes with the cash. Do you understand the plan?"
"Perfectly," says Cindy.
Cindy goes in the bank while Judy waits in the getaway car.
One minute passes . . . Two minutes pass . . . Seven minutes pass . . . and Judy is really stressing out.
Finally, the bank doors burst open! And here comes Cindy.
She's got a safe wrapped up in rope and is dragging it to the car. About the time she gets the safe in the trunk of the car, the bank doors burst open again with the security guard coming out. The guard's pants and underwear are down around his ankles while he is firing his weapon.
As the gals are getting away, Judy says "You are such a blonde! I thought you understood the plan!"
Cindyy says, "I did . . . I did exactly what you said!"
"No, you idiot," says Judy. "I said tie up the GUARD and blow the SAFE!"
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A man is going out with three women and wants to pick one to marry. He decides to give them a test.
He gives each woman a present of £5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauticians, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for him. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy him gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man was impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the £5,000. She gives him back his £5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he had given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest knockers.
Men are like that, you know.
