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Originally Posted by Richard M
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Sunday, September 12, 2004
The Hardest Word to Say
Conclusion of Module One of how to deal with Call Centres
Students, in short, when making a complaint to a Call Centre: polite tenacity always wins.
Remember - life's short - take it easy - there's probably a policy of submission at some point and it's better to get there calmly rather than blowing a gasket.
Here is some help decoding some of that Call Centre double speak:
"I can only apologise ..."
What they really mean is : "I'm getting bored of you now and will repeat this over and over and over until you give in."
"You'll need to write in."*
What they really mean is: "I can't be arsed sorting out your problem"
You'll never actually get a response to your letter because the correspondence department will think, 'it's better to deal with these matters on the phone' and they'll probably send you a letter asking you to ring in again.
*This will usually be followed by "If you get a pen I'll give you the address." Because it sounds helpful.
"I'm sorry you feel like ..."
Well done. You have reached a black-belt numpty. This is the art of Call Centre jujitsu. A compliant art, where the operator uses the customer's strength against them - it appears that they are apologising, but in fact they are not admitting to anything, merely acknowledging that you are ****ed off.
Remember, these master-classes are not available in the shops, and are exclusive to Call Centre Confidential. Coming Next: Module Two: Sales, selling and saying "sod off".
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Boy he knows his stuff. Maybe this is directly off a laminate from NTL/Dell/insert company here.
Edit - His cast list is also rather amusing :
http://callcentrediarycast.blogspot.com/