booze is never a good idea if you've gone through something major in your life like you have. it's a depressant.
i've never lost anyone as close to me as a partner, but i did support someone through the loss of their dad......... it was a really tough road. one they are still going through two years on. things may seem bleak and worthless now, but things might get better. i am not going to pretend that you will ever get over maureen, because you prolly won't, but with time maybe coping with her death will become easier.
and don't forget you always have us lot to talk to.... even if you sent a pm with numerous swear words in.
also have you had/thought of having counselling?
to you