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cookie_365 · 16-06-2004, 20:19

How to make tea:

1. Live in the right place. The best locations in the UK for beautiful, soft, tasty water are North Yorkshire, parts of Cornwall, and West Wales. The only problem with these places are the fact that you'll be in Yorkshire, Cornwall, or Wales.

If you live in a hard water area, use a proper water filter. Don't use one of those kettles with a bit of plastic mesh over the spout. If you fill the kettle through the spout, the **** gets washed back into your mug, and if you don't you'll be boiling weeks worth of **** together with your water.

2. Buy top notch teabags. At just a few pence ago you can afford quality. Don't be tempted to buy 1p each bags from the all night shop. A mugfull of water from the toilet pan will look, smell, and taste the same, and still be a penny cheaper.

3. Use a kettle. If you're office has one of those urns that keeps a steady stream of hot water, stay away, unless you have a serious calcium deficiency and like the taste of flat stale water, or are making a cup for an unpopular boss.

4. Pour the water the moment its boiled. A good cuppa is worth a few steam scalds.

5. Wait for the water to turn red (at least 2 mins). Wait at least another 3 mins for the taste to catch up with the colour. If you want a weak brew, use more water, not less time. Don't bother squeezing the bag agains the side of the mug - it achieves nothing.

7. So, you've made a great mug of tea. One scent of the beautiful aroma and you're transported to the banks of the great river Brahmaputra; you can almost hear the chattering of the village women as they collect the leaves in their grass baskets, and the dew sparkles on the tea leaves like a myriad of diamonds. You can feel the morning breeze on your neck. So what do you want to do? Stick in a big heap of industrially processed sugar? Bleaurgghh! No no no no no! If you don't like the way tea tastes, don't drink it in the first place!

8. There are those who like to add milk to their tea, just as there are those who think the Liberal Democrats will one day form the party of government. These people should, for their own safety as much as anyone elses, be subject to public humiliation, reported to the authorities for re-education, and denied access to sharp instruments. Imagine you're at a splendid dinner party. You've enjoyed delectable food, fine wine, and sparkling conversation. and now your host passes round the cheese tray. But what's this! Instead of a robust Stilton or refreshing Pont d'Yeu, you see nothing but tea-flavoured cheddar! Well, what an embarrassment! After a pause to regain your composure, you politely decline. And when did you last see tea flavoured Ski yoghurt in Waitrose? Never? Why? Because dumping big globules of fat in your tea is disgusting, that's why!

9. Flavoured tea. Well, what can I say? You're enjoying a lovely walk through the countryside, and have collected some gorgeous, juicy blackberries, bursting with taste. You're eating them with your sarnies in the car, but - alas - you accidentally drop one in your flask of tea. You wouldn't fish it out and eat in anyway. would you? You would? Oh my giddy aunt!

And don't get me started on instant coffee .............

16-06-2004, 20:19	#74
cookie_365 Inactive Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Brighton Posts: 2,583	Re: Someone tell me how to make tea please How to make tea: 1. Live in the right place. The best locations in the UK for beautiful, soft, tasty water are North Yorkshire, parts of Cornwall, and West Wales. The only problem with these places are the fact that you'll be in Yorkshire, Cornwall, or Wales. If you live in a hard water area, use a proper water filter. Don't use one of those kettles with a bit of plastic mesh over the spout. If you fill the kettle through the spout, the ** gets washed back into your mug, and if you don't you'll be boiling weeks worth of ** together with your water. 2. Buy top notch teabags. At just a few pence ago you can afford quality. Don't be tempted to buy 1p each bags from the all night shop. A mugfull of water from the toilet pan will look, smell, and taste the same, and still be a penny cheaper. 3. Use a kettle. If you're office has one of those urns that keeps a steady stream of hot water, stay away, unless you have a serious calcium deficiency and like the taste of flat stale water, or are making a cup for an unpopular boss. 4. Pour the water the moment its boiled. A good cuppa is worth a few steam scalds. 5. Wait for the water to turn red (at least 2 mins). Wait at least another 3 mins for the taste to catch up with the colour. If you want a weak brew, use more water, not less time. Don't bother squeezing the bag agains the side of the mug - it achieves nothing. 7. So, you've made a great mug of tea. One scent of the beautiful aroma and you're transported to the banks of the great river Brahmaputra; you can almost hear the chattering of the village women as they collect the leaves in their grass baskets, and the dew sparkles on the tea leaves like a myriad of diamonds. You can feel the morning breeze on your neck. So what do you want to do? Stick in a big heap of industrially processed sugar? Bleaurgghh! No no no no no! If you don't like the way tea tastes, don't drink it in the first place! 8. There are those who like to add milk to their tea, just as there are those who think the Liberal Democrats will one day form the party of government. These people should, for their own safety as much as anyone elses, be subject to public humiliation, reported to the authorities for re-education, and denied access to sharp instruments. Imagine you're at a splendid dinner party. You've enjoyed delectable food, fine wine, and sparkling conversation. and now your host passes round the cheese tray. But what's this! Instead of a robust Stilton or refreshing Pont d'Yeu, you see nothing but tea-flavoured cheddar! Well, what an embarrassment! After a pause to regain your composure, you politely decline. And when did you last see tea flavoured Ski yoghurt in Waitrose? Never? Why? Because dumping big globules of fat in your tea is disgusting, that's why! 9. Flavoured tea. Well, what can I say? You're enjoying a lovely walk through the countryside, and have collected some gorgeous, juicy blackberries, bursting with taste. You're eating them with your sarnies in the car, but - alas - you accidentally drop one in your flask of tea. You wouldn't fish it out and eat in anyway. would you? You would? Oh my giddy aunt! And don't get me started on instant coffee .............