Oh dear self abuse time:
1) Me learning to drive (age 17ish). Dad says lets drive round Marble Arch (London) during morning rush hour - me unwisely acting as chaffeur during summer hols
. Emerge minus front bumper.
2) Me having just learnt to drive. Car park behind shops, 300 odd spaces, 5 cars and mine. Mates kicking a ball about. Me, lets show off. Standing start full right hand lock 180 degree turn into back corner of mates car: Ford Fiesta v Hilman Imp. Imp broken rear corner light. Fiesta wrecked tailgate rear bumepr & cill, lights, and all sorts. The innocence of youth
3) Me 19 ish happily driving along in South London in rather rusty Mini. Stopped in traffic on hill. Car in front driven middle aged female fails hill start on three attempts, each getting closre until 3rd time rolls into me, such that my car acting as her brake is enough for her car to jump into gear and leap off into the sunset, me minus front spotlamps.
4) Me 24ish in different Mini pull out blind from side street, into path of saloon car. Male driver. My fault yet residential area, hidden view (due to parked lorries on corner of junction) - sour grapes on my part
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5) Me probably 27ish in beaten up Ford Escort (finally decided Minis are just to much trouble). North London stopped in queue of traffic. Pull away quite fast as car in front and queue appears to clear. After 50 yards traffic stops suddenly, so do I. Car behind 30 year old lady driver doesnt, blaming automatic gearbox and lack of brakes. Bye bye my cars rear end.
6) Me 30ish Fiesta XR2, nice snowy icy day (I don't learn you'll see later). Drive home, gentle sweeping bend on residential estate. Car keeps going straight on into nearside kerb then bounces into central island. Major damage to front suspension.
7) Now for perhaps the most embarrassing: Aged 34ish, driving modern Astra, a company car, turn out of office driveway. Boss is in car behind. The egress is from our drive is rith next to a mini roundabout. My right turn just misses the roundabout, cutting accross one of the roads entering onto it. but the same road has pelican crossing 20 yards away. I am beckoned across the right hand by a driver who kindly stops short. I accelerate into the back of a post office van who has stopped at the crossing. My car front is a mess. PO van barely scratched. Boss drives off smirking, ready to wind me up for next month and remind me of the policy excess on company cars £250 payable by yours truly. Worst though is PO van is driven by a friend. At the time we both worked as Special Constables so it's all round the local nick too
8) There's more: Me 38ish. My own pride and joy, a shiny new Alfa Romeo 156 Sportwagon. less than 300 miles on clock. In office car park, reverse from parking space into new bollard placed only the day before by the neighbouring office. £400 for new spray painted bumper
9) "It's not over till the fat lady sings!" Me 39. Heavy overnight snow has created a sheet of packed ice on my estate. Decide a U turn is unwise in the conditions in my now not so shiny Alfa, especially as I have found some time4 ago the front end is difficult to control due to the power. Decide to do large loop left hadn turn from street to street until I leave the estate and get to gritted roads. 1st turn goes great, straighten up a little then car doing no more than 10 mph slides 20 yards into parked car
. Renault 5 rear corner little scratch.
Alpha front corner new wing, bumper, healdlight, grille, and messed up hydraulic auto gearbox , steering and suspension.
Anyone wanna be a passenger in my car
