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Originally Posted by Xaccers
It's easy when you see it day after day not working.
With parents saying "Johnny, I don't want you to do that, it's really not very nice is it?" and seeing the kids totally ignore their parents.
As I said, I know several professionals who have been taught various forms of disipline, and chose to use reasoning with their own children, with dire results.
If this happens with professionals who know all the information, and have been on specific courses, how are the vast majority (and to make a difference it has to be the vast majority) of average parents going to be able to do it and make a difference to society?
Kids soon learn that if they give the right answers to the reasoning questions asked by their parents, they can get on with what they want, without being punished.
Parents says "Now I don't think that was a very nice thing to do, do you?"
Kid thinks "I don't care, I wanted to do it and its not like I'm going to get into trouble for it, but you're holding me up so I can't give an honest answer. If I say what you want to hear then you'll let me go and play"
Kid says "Yes daddy, I'm sorry, I won't do it again"
Adults underestimate how devious children can be.
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It is not just about what the parent says to the child. It is also about how the parent behaves. By smacking you are teaching that ultimately the most "effective" way is the violent way. That cannot be the right way because it just perpetuates more violence. Children are not very keen on patience and will happily mimmick the violent short cut to get an instant result that suits them.
Positive discipline is not an instant cure which you can discard after use. It is a way of life. However, it does not cost anything. The average parent should be able to do it because that is who it is designed for. Started early enough it will work without trouble. Using it on exceptionaly problematic children will obviously take more time and effort.
I think everyone will agree that bringing up children is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life. There are no shortcuts.