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Originally Posted by Sociable
Fair points so I will try my best to address them one by one.
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Thanks
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In each of the examples given I still maintain honesty and openness is the key.
In the first set, truth will always find a way through the "secret", trust me on this one.
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Sorry, but I can't simply take that assertion "on trust" unless you mean that someone will always, thinking that "honesty is the best policy" tell the child something which they didn't know, didn't want to know and, were they to have had the option *never* wanted to know and would wish they could forget ever knowing.
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The aftermath of such secrets becoming known to the children is always devastating as they then not only have to face that truth, but also the knowledge that they were lied to by the very people they had relied on to be totally honest with them.
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So, by not being honest the aftermath is "devastating", but, by being honest, the aftermath will most probably be "devastating" anyway...?!
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I think the key point I was trying to make here is that the act of donation should require the donor to think this aspect through more thoroughly as "anonymity" effectively and wrongly IMHO let the donors off the hook in the past just as the fiasco of "sealed adoptions" did in the past.
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I fail to see how anonymity is "letting someone off the hook". What "hook" is this? Should they be introduced to the family the sperm is donated to? Should they be there at the birth? Should they be there when the child is growing up? Hell, if you're going to have any of this, why not have them there at the conception?!
Their *only* "connection" to the child is some donated genes, nothing else.
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The long term consequences of that previous policy have only recently come to light across the globe with many facing serious problems as they grow up with a hole in their being where the truth should be.
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But *why*? Do they suddenly decide that the people who they've been calling "mummy" and "daddy" aren't their "proper" parents any more? Are they now frauds for lying and *pretending* to be the child's parents? Does it make them any less loving?
If that's the case, then the child should be told as soon as they're capable of understanding so they can grow up with the idea rather than having it dumped on them at a later date.
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My main comment on this is to point out the link between this attitude and that of the irresponsible people, both male and female, who participate in unprotected sex.
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Whilst I think engaging in unprotected sex is foolish I really don't see this as a "link" between it and sperm (or, for that matter egg) donation, nor do I accept that they are "robbing the child of a parent" nor that there is any "responsibility" (or lack thereof) in donation.