[ntluser]

I think in all of this we have to balance the right of the child to know who his/her father is with the right of the father to either play or not play a part in the life of the child given the circumstances at the time.

Personally, I agree that children ought to be told their parentage preferably by someone who loves and cares for them e.g. adoptive parents, long term foster parents etc. This person knowing the child would be able to give the sensitivity and gentleness to the discussion which the imparting of such knowledge requires.

In circumstances where the father is known, but has chosen not to play a part in the life of the child either as a donor, ex-lover etc I think it would be possible to agree some basic information that the child should have. It would also be wise to have a DNA sample of the father stored away and details of his known medical history on record. The privacy of the father could be protected by not revealing his location.

In the case of rape, the situation is far harder as there may be no information to pass on. Either way, it would also be a lot harder to explain to the child, but in time, when the child is able to understand, accept and appreciate the information I feel that they ought to be told, because hopefully by that time the child will have built up a loving, trusting relationship with his/her mother.

The problem with having 'family skeletons' is that they can pop out of the closet at the most awkward of times with the most dire of consequences. Honesty is the best policy because no matter how unpleasant the truth is, once you accept it you can move on with your life knowing that there will be no unpleasant surprises.