Anorexia
 

As you may know my niece "K" has been diagnosed as anorexic.

A few week back she did a week at her old school assisting the teacher (In support of her A levels.)

The teacher was talking and asking her how she was, she told the teacher about her food issues and the teacher said "K you should speak to your mum about this, or I can talk to her for you"

K said that she would be OK and then changed her mind and the teacher told my sister.

So the ball is rolling and I did intially think was her girlfriend "R" in some way behind it.

But when I was told that she told my sister when K poured milk away instead of drinking it. I knew she wasn't.

The other week I did thank R for what she was doing and the words K was saying weren't really meant, but R said that she had put a wall up agianst them.

To me this proves how much she loves my niece.

My niece is now on a high calorie diet to put on weight (6 meals a day 3 main and 3 snacks).

R was telling me we need to watch her after she eats as she goes into the bathroom after meals, I imitated sticking my fingers down my throat (my niece was in the kitchen) R said no she goes in to exercise, which is something she must NOT do. But in a caravan this will be hard to do undected.

So as it stands she is coming on holiday with us as R has started a new job and will not be able to supervise her when she's at work, and she cannot be trusted to be on her own, so her brother is in charge of her food and making sure she eats at the right times.

When we do go on holiday we have to be careful if we go out for a meal as K need to see the menu in advanced to she what she can eat (she gets into a flap otherwise), so at other times she will cook her food with her brother.

I do have a question on Anorexia is is similar to alcoholicism where by you have it for life?

Re: Anorexia
 

You might have more luck on a dedicated anorexia/eating disorder forum?

Alternatively, maybe even more wisely, would be a charity with information and a phone line: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org....rting-somebody

Re: Anorexia
 

Anorexics are either "Active" or "In Remission" according to a pamphlet I read years ago. So on a par with alcoholism I suspect.

Re: Anorexia
 

Anorexics can be very devious in covering up what they are doing. It is a very complicated mental health problem. I would not put it on a per with alcoholism, it's much worse and more debillatating.

I suggest you watch the Karen Carpenter Story linked below to get a better understanding.

Im so sorry shes going thru this and I hope things get better hom3r https://www.cableforum.uk/images/local/2018/08/1.gi

Re: Anorexia
 

My sister told my mum that she's been skipping breakfasts.

She told her brother that she had eaten them.

So on tuesday my sister has a meeting with a doctor, as she's has lost weight.

So it looks like she'll be admitted to a "Hospital"

Maybe she doesnt like the taste of things??

I wonder if getting her eating Organic food would be better??


I went thru 8 or 9 months when I hardily ate anything,I HAD NO DESIRE FOR THIS CRAPPY GMO FOOD!!! -- I started having stomach problems,digestion issues,etc.......... Then I read how GMO food is making alot of ppl sick... Thank goodness I found a whole foods store and I only eat organic now....... Its more expensive but its better food....

I wonder if she has the same issues/concerns Hom3r??

Re: Anorexia
 

Oh please! All you had to do was buy local instead of supermarkets.

Glad to see your neice is seeking help Hom3r.

Well I might not be able to find what I wanted locally and YES I hope she gets better :)

Re: Anorexia
 

Easier said and done sadly pip as we had a fruit and veg shop and 2 butchers that closed in the past 2 years and what were they replaced with?

---------- Post added at 06:01 ---------- Previous post was at 06:00 ----------

l hope she gets well Hom3r as its better to get help before its too late.

Re: Anorexia
 

Nah, my niece loves/loved food, she was chocolate mad.


I think it's the end of the road for her and her GF. they've not seen each other for a week, and my niece say's she has't missed her.

But does she really, and could this make the situation worse.

As it stands unless she is admitted next week she will be comming on holiday with us, but we will measure all the food, she eats not her.


Talking to my mum I felt bad in saying "I hope she does get admitted as it could be the best option."

Re: Anorexia
 

Maybe just maybe your niece is missing her GF and because of her illness she is thinking that if she is not around it's one less person watching her as it is my understanding of Anorexia that many sufferers push people away who try to help, sadly it can be loved ones that get pushed away first, as many sufferers of this illness try and do isolate themselves as much as they can, maybe this is what your niece is thinking/doing right now (one less person watching her) as atm sadly her illness is likely in control going by what you have said Hom3r :(

Your niece may be fed up with R telling the family stuff and while this was done with the very best intentions
I suspect your niece won't see it like this at all.

Re: Anorexia
 

My niece and R have broken up.

I don't know the full story, but I this R has a lot on her plate.

She move from her hometown of Glasgow, to start a new career and to be close to my niece.

She didnt enjoy her time as cabin crew as she spent more time on stand-by than flying, so she left and got a job which pays £200 more than her rent.

On top of missing her mum, my niece not taking it to well sometimes when R was making her eat and drink, and telling her mum, might taken it toll on her.

But my sister and me will make sure R is ok.

Im so sorry Hom3r :(

Re: Anorexia
 

I'm sorry that your niece and her GF have split up but maybe this could be a blessing as trust is the main thing IMO in any relationship and as you have stated Hom3r your niece has become at times devious and has been caught telling lies, which is not uncommon with an eating disorder.

I can only imagine what your all going through atm and my heart breaks for everyone involved as everyone who has a relationship with your niece atm whether that be a parent, brother, sister or partner sadly more than likely she will tell fibs with saying yes I've eaten this, yes I've drunk this etc The important thing here is to try and remember this is the illness talking not your niece.

The pressure on R must have been tremendous for such a young person in a fairly new relationship and she must have felt at times between a rock and a hard place in what do, does she break her partner's trust and say to the family her concerns or does she keep quiet! It must have been so hard for her also witnessing the person she loves change in so many ways. I think until your niece gets her ED under control, then I'm afraid after watching the Karen Carpenter Story the only relationship that someone under the control of a ED will have is with food :(

If it was me and my child then I would try and get in a family support group in where I could take their brother's, sister's, Uncle, Aunts etc, keep a diary on what my loved is doing and how the ED is affecting both them and family, speak weekly if need be to my Gp to raise my concerns and worries plus I would not let the person know what I was doing for fear of more secret behaviour.

Don't feel bad as you only want the best for your niece and that is plain to see Hom3r, you need to realise that your not only worried for your niece but also for your sister and in my book that makes you a caring Uncle & Brother :hugs:

Re: Anorexia
 

We will make sure the R is OK.


I'm speaking to her on Thursday and let her know she's not alone, and if she need me I'll be there.

Re: Anorexia
 

That's lovely and I'm sure her Mum will appreciate that Hom3r as a parent I know that I would. It's just a pity that R and your niece broke up as R sounds a lovely caring girl and very mature for her years and who know's they might get back together in the future, if not I hope they remain friends.

Re: Anorexia
 

I too do hope they can stay friends.

Re: Anorexia
 

My mums was at my sisters yesterday, lookinh after my niece and making sure she eats, R turned up with some flowers for K and collect some of her stuff.

My mum asked her how she was, she started to answer then burst into tears.

My mum told her that she's not alone and that we will all look after her.

Re: Anorexia
 

Such a sad and frustrating illness. I have been reading all your posts Hom3r and my heart goes out to you all. I may not be posting much at the moment but please know that I am here most days, hoping to hear that that things improve.

Hang in there, you are one of the most caring people it has been my pleasure to know and if there is anything I can do, even if it's just giving you a shoulder to lean on I will be here for you.

Re: Anorexia
 

I spoke to R today and told her again that she's not alone, and I'll look after you.


I said about on saturdays if she wants go to the cinema, drink or meal. She seemed ok.


Earlier she had a blood test and wanted someone to go with her as she doesn't feel to good after.

just as well I went as she nearly passed out, so walking her when she was able to walk I supported her arm as we walked, I joked about people think my mum and me are married, so I said I wonder what people think when they see us walking is is lucky gut or sugar daddy :D that got a laugh.

Plus she said that she is staying down here and not going back home to Glasgow.


Plus on the positive side my nice got 2 A's in her first years A-Level results, shes just go
t the BTEC Law result to come.

Im so sorry this is going on :(

Re: Anorexia
 

Unfortuneatley it's not a quick fix.

Re: Anorexia
 

Don't force her to eat, be mindful of what she does eat and if you can find out what worries her most about what she eats this can help.

My daughter became obsessed with exercise whilst she was in the midst of anorexia. Fortunately this gave us a way of encouraging her to eat protein rich foods and carbs so she got the energy to exercise. She is still very wary of too much butter or oil, but otherwise is well and now does not exercise excessively. She walks a lot and cycles in moderation.

Whilst she was away at uni, we used to eat together over skype. It meant I could see what she was eating and suggest energy boosters.

Also getting the right therapist is essential.

Re: Anorexia
 

She's not being forced, but she measures as close to the exact weight and measurement as possible, and she has been know to sneak of and exercise.

I was with her this morning and my sister had prepared everything I needed while I was there.

She did spend a lond time in the shower, i tried to listen to see if I could anything out of the norm.


She is seeing a therapist.

Re: Anorexia
 

While we were on holiday, she had gained weight.

This week my mum was with her, and she thought she saw her pocketing some food.


Well this afternoon, she had lost weight.

So next week she must eat all meals at the table and wear clothing without pockets.

Next Friday is D-Day to see if she is admitted, the therapist will have the admission papers ready, incase she needs to be admitted.

Today was my alternate Friday off, so I was with her, and talking about her illness, which is similar to drug & alcohol addictions.

Part of me wants her to be admitted so she gets the 24 hour supervision she needs.


Just bben told she can do one of her A levels at home or residential, should it be required.

The other A Level will be done next year.

Re: Anorexia
 

Hom3r you must realise an anorexic will cheat and lie to your face. It IS just as bad as a drug or alcohol addiction if not worse!

I know you may not be keen on the idea but her being admitted for specialist care would be the best thing.

I hate to appear as being cruel or insensitive but believe me I'm not. She has a mental health issue that the family cannot cope with but will be essential to her recovery once she has undergone the specialist treatment she obviously needs.
Stop burying your head in the sand she needs help!

Re: Anorexia
 

I understand totally what you are saying.

She is seeing a professional, she is the one who will decide if she is taken in to residential care.

My sister said if she had been at college, they would remove her from it.

She has been caught out cheating/hiding food.

But I guess the experts see if the person can overcome it with help from family, before taking family out of the equation.

Re: Anorexia
 

I don't think they will take your family out of the equation Hom3r as Family therapy seems to work well with ED maybe your sister could ask your niece's therapist if this is an option and if so what is the waiting time for Family therapy within your area. Family therapy is exactly that for the family where you all discuss how this horrid illness affects all, it is my understanding once someone becomes anorexic outside help is needed the majority of the time.


Family therapy involves you and your family talking to a therapist, exploring how anorexia has affected you and how your family can support you to get better.

Your therapist will also help you find ways to manage difficult feelings and situations to stop you from relapsing into unhealthy eating habits once your therapy ends.

You can have the sessions together with your family or on your own with the therapist. Family therapy is sometimes offered in a group with other families.

You will usually be offered 18 to 20 sessions over a year, and your therapist will regularly check that the schedule is still working for you.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/anorexia/treatment/

I agree with Pip and that an anorexic will cheat and lie to your face and what the family need to remember this is the illness, not the person as once an ED has you in its clutches it controls you a bit like an addict a drug addict will do and say anything for the next fix, an alcoholic will do and say anything for the next drink and someone with Anorexia will also do and say anything to convince other's that they have eaten, not exercised etc basically what you have experienced with your niece, I also thought Angua tip was good if your niece likes to exercise you could maybe also try and mention protien bars like Angua did. Your niece is lucky to have such a caring Uncle and supportive family take care Hom3r

I'm sending you a :hugs: Hom3r as I know this must be really hard on you to see someone who you love and care about so much and I suspect you're also worried about your sister.

Re: Anorexia
 

Thanks

Re: Anorexia
 

Well Monday was eventfull.

My niece had had a hot bath, then while lying on her beed had a panic/anxiety attack.

Then she got chest pains so my sister called 111, and they sent a paramedic around, and to stop the rapid beathing he told her to read a book he put in front of her in a firm voice, this sorted that out.

He did the ECG check and this was OK.

It did scare "K" a bit, hopefully enough to make her realise what she's doing.


You cant say to her "Look what you're doing to your mother" etc as this can have a negative effect

Re: Anorexia
 

I hope she gets the help she needs ASAP!

Re: Anorexia
 

She has 50% of the help she needs by having a family who care. I do so hope this is the tipping point for her to get on the road to recovery.

Re: Anorexia
 

An update.

Her weight has gon up and down.

Last Friday (12th) she had gained 800g, and on Tuesday (16th) she had gained 2.1Kg.

I think the counselor telling her usless she put on weight she'll have to hand her over to another one as she won't be doing her job.


The counsellor doesn't want her to go in to a residential home as it could be bad as she could pick up bad tips from the others seaking care.


On the 13th my sister an Brother In-law had a day out (my sister had a few beers which she needed).

So I spent the day with the kids.

I was sitting on the sofa with my nephew, my niece was doing her college work at the dining table.

I saw my niece get up and go through the kitchen to the downstairs loo, but as I saw her go into the loo she had what looked like her 1 pint milk bottle in her hand (trying to hid it from view), I got up and checked the fridge and the bottle was gone I told my nephew this as I sat back down.

When she came back again she was trying to hide the bottle, my nephew got up and ran into the kitchen, I heard then talking and she said that she was goinging to pour it away but stopped herself.

I did tell my sister what had happened.

She has rules when eating:


1. All meals/snacks must be eaten at the dining table.
2. No food must be broken up an eaten (IE cereal bars etc)
3. No baggy clothes or clothes with pockets.
4. she must not enter the kitchen to do any food, other than her morning porrige which she is supervised doing.

I'm going to say to my sister that she musn't go though the kitchen to the bathroom but go through the living room.


But onward and upward.

Thank you for the update my friend :)

Re: Anorexia
 

Her weight is now at 82%, but she's far from being able to return to college.

She told her counsellor, them mum that sh had kep some food in her mouth the spat it out in the loo.

But at least she's spoken about it.

So she need about another 2kgs to be in a good weight limit, but need more psychological help, and her counsellor has said she will stay with her even though she'll be 18 on Jan 2nd.




The college is very pleased with her work (she emails the tutor her work), she is doing better than some of the pupils in her class.

Re: Anorexia
 

Well thing have changed a lot.

My Niece is now just shy of her target weight 8-1/2 stone,.

As such they are talking about her doing college for mornings only a few times a week in January.

My sister as told my niece please keep me in the loop, when you hit 18.

Christmas will be fun food wish as she still gets in panics over food to eat.

Re: Anorexia
 

Such hopeful news Hom3r. I realise that the next 2/3 weeks will be stressful but you are all in a much more positive position than a few months ago. :tu: to you all.

Re: Anorexia
 

Good news for you and your family - really pleased for you all.

Sounds good :)


Thank you for letting us know mate!!

Re: Anorexia
 

She just about survived Christmas Day.

My nephew took a photo of her and my sister drinking a pink gin, all K saw was a fat face, and it was normal.

She's had her calorie in take dropped by 200 a day, but she is getting there.

Re: Anorexia
 

Hope things keep on in a positive way.

Yes improving is good!!!!!

God bless you and her :)

Re: Anorexia
 

Well she's now 18, and going back to colege 2 1/2 days a week, this is to start with.

I was there last night and she ate as told.

She also went on a date and she said the girl she saw said it was her first date, so I guess she's only recently come out.


so later on she'll do more hours at college as she get on.

Re: Anorexia
 

Well she's back to college as normal now (execpt the course she skipped this year, she'll do in September), and has started to do the Law A-Level retake.

She Is back to work but does Sunday & Monday's, her counsellor isn't happy with her working in the bakers/cafe she is working in, but she made her case and still doing it.

She has started to see another young lady, who seems OK according to my sister, and K knows she needs to keep her weight up otherwise my sister will stop her going out.

So as thing stand My mum doesn't need to go over ATM.

Re: Anorexia
 

That’s good - here’s hoping.

Re: Anorexia
 

She's had a tough week, her "R" Ex wanted to get back together and she said she'd try and not be so possesive.

My siter an Brother in-law weren't happy, but it was her decision.

But 3 days later "R" said she'd changed her mind, my niece thinks it might have been deliberate. So now my niece has blocked her number and removed her from all her social media.

My niece is also thinking of quitting her part time job as she's not happy.

---------------------------------------

She posted the following recently on Instagram and I'd though I share it, as its powerful reading, and I'm very proud to be her uncle.

Re: Anorexia
 

Looks like she's turned herself around nicely. All the support she received has been well worth it.

Re: Anorexia
 

Thanks.

The demons are still there, and she has good days and bad days.

But she's getting there.

Re: Anorexia
 

Well a few thing have changed.

She is waiting A-level results due on my mums birthday, then in September she does her second year for law, and sociology (3rd year).


She meet a young lady who is about 30 mins from our town, and as they were talking she "R" said my uncle has a business in your town, oh yeah where. R said the company my niece worked for, my niece said I worked there, R said stop messing about, my niece said a few people and they had a laugh.

Well yesterday R passed her driving test, so this will make meeting up a bit easier.

On Tuesday she had her first driving lesson which went well.

Today she had a response back from Asda and they want her to do a 2 hour thing at 1pm next Saturday, now next Saturday we are going on holiday, so I said to her book it and well go as soon as you finish, and a week later instead of going straight home well go to the coast and have one last look around and get chips of the market.


Also she has become a vegitatian, my sister said that she is in a beeter place and if it keeps her happy she ok with it, I did ask about what to watch out for but she said a few things and that her younger brother can step up and kick her backside, with our help of course.

She is still seeing a therapist.

---------- Post added at 20:36 ---------- Previous post was at 20:01 ----------

Asda will pay her if she get the job will pay £9.40 PH.

Re: Anorexia
 

Excellent news - really pleased for her (and you).

Re: Anorexia
 

Eveything is sounding positive for her which is a good thing. It's certainly looking like she has finally turned the corner and things are on the up and up.

Good news is always welcome, thanks for keeping us updated.

Re: Anorexia
 

Positive progress indeed Hom3r. You and the rest of your family must be very proud of your Niece and you all deserve a pat on the back for hanging in there.

Jo x

Re: Anorexia
 

Nice to hear with the support of family your niece has turned a corner with a truly positive outlook.

It could not have been an easy journey for any of you, well done for all the support you gave her and well done to your niece in facing her battle and embracing the support of her family.

Re: Anorexia
 

Major changes have happened, as from tomorrow she is going to a day stay hospital which is 9am to 5pm Monday to thursday and Fridays it 9am until 1pm.


This means see will reduce hours in her part time job in Asda, but the boss understand so she'll do Friday pm and Sunday 7am to noon.

She is obviously nervous, but it was her idea.

She will be picked up and at the hospital have breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, home for tea, snack then bed.

She is trying to use Driving lessons as a distraction.


It also didn't help that 2 weeks ago her bunny died on her lap (in his box) on the way to the vets.

Ahhh thats sad.. I will pray for her Hom3r!!

Re: Anorexia
 

No changes so far, but she told me about a video we should watch, which I just did.

If you know anyone who suffers then watch it.

https://radford.act.schooltv.me/news...therine-pawley

Re: Anorexia
 

I should imagine ATM no news is good news. I see her mentioning the video as a positive step and I hope it continues.

Re: Anorexia
 

As you may know a hellva lot has happened since my last update, her 2 years of A-levels had to go in to a 3rd year which she is just finishing.

She was looking at going to the Royal Holloway University, but she is looking at to doing her Uni online as she has spent over a year doing this thanks to Covid-19. She did have another girlfriend, but they are now called Aaron and are going to transition, but they broke up before she knew this

I don't think her nan's death has effected her weight, but she has started to lose some recently.

I'm glad I can talk to her and we can talk about stuff, she has a new girlfriend, who lives in Kent and is 2 years younger than her.

I did joke with her about her fancying older women, one being Gillian Anderson but I can't get her to watch The X-Files.

I'm mixed when it comes to her not going to uni, as I would miss her.

But staying at home, we would be able to watch her.

One thing I just remembered was that she became a vegetarian which was interesting as some of their food has higher calories.

But about a year later a friend who had been a vegetarian, said that if the animal dies anyway just eat it, so she went back to being a meat eater, but not a fan of roast pork.