Nightmare of a night
 

My mum finally came home from the care home on Monday, she had a light lunch , but later in the day she couldn't keep stuff down, we put this down to the fact she was home and in all what was going on she would settle.

I slept on the sofa as she was paralysed and needed moving, I was up at 1:30am, 3:30am and 5:30 to mover her.

On Tuesday she didn't look good so I called 111 in late afternoon, while waiting for the next level to call me back my mum was just sitting there not responding to me, even when I pinched her ear. so calling 999 they help me keep calm while throwing the covers on the floor to lay her flat, then the paramedics turned up and she started to respond, but she was dehydrated and they took her in, but because of Coronavirus we weren't allowed to go.

My sister called several times and she seemed to be answering their questions.

I went to bed at 10pm as I had only 5 hours sleep the night before, I got a call at 11:30pm and gave the Dr some back history on her.

Then at 1:54 am I got call to say she had stopped responding to treatment and we should get there, my dad couldn't face it so I went with my sister, and stayed with her.

She died at 3:15 am.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss sounds like you did everything you could possibly do,take care of yourself.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

So sorry Homer :(

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss - as Papa says, please taken care of yourself.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Oh Hom3r I am so sorry. You were a wonderful Son and did everything in your power to make her comfortable. Take care of yourself sweetie. xxx

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss.

Try and make some time for yourself in the next few days e.g. get out for walks and some 'me' time. Helped me through a similar time.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

I'm really sorry to hear this.

You're going to feel pretty rotten for a while, especially dealing with the funeral under present restrictions. But it will pass. In time the pain will fade and happier memories will come to the fore. Even as you remember your mum at the very end, choose to remember that you were able to care for her at the very end. Every time you woke in the night was one more chance for you to spend time with your mum and do something for her. It will be hard to see it in those terms for a while yet. Don't force it. But peace will come.

I'm one of those that prays, so I will.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

So sorry for your loss, as others have said, please look after yourself and your family at this terrible time.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss. take care of your father, he will need all your support.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Very sorry for your loss

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Very sorry to hear this news.

Look after yourself and don't feel guilty about taking time out from all the inevitable tasks that arise in such situations for yourself.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Oh no. I'm so sorry, Homer.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sincerely echo all the condolences you've received, Hom3r.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss Homer. She'll always be with you though.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry to hear of your loss Hom3r. Our thoughts are with you at this difficult time. Be strong.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

I'm really sorry to hear of your loss Homer. Take care.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry to hear this, RIP.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry to hear the sad news, it's been a pretty crap six months for you. As others have said it does get easier but remember it's OK to not be OK and there are people out there (and here) who are there to help if you need it. All have to do is ask.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

So sorry to hear this Homer.

Sincere condolences to you and your family.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Oh man, what a shame, really sorry for your loss, Homer, may she rest in peace.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sad news. RIP :(

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Thank you for your words.

I've just been told that Cause of Death was "sepsis & aspiration pneumonia".

She didn't appear to be suffering, and she just stopped breathing

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

So sad to hear this.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss Hom3r. Take care of yourself.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

So sad to hear your news, Hom3r. We are all thinking of you, as you can see. ^^^

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

I've had pneumonia, but i'm not sure what aspiration pneumonia is though. I can't help but wonder if Covid has anything to do with this (they're now talking about people who have 'long form covid'), if not it certainty won't have helped her lungs.

It's good that she didn't appear to be suffering and I too will say a prayer for your mum to ask that she passes on to the next stage without fear or confusion. God bless you & your family Hom3r.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

So sorry for your loss mate :-(

I am so sorry for your loss :(

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

I am so sorry to hear your sad news. Remember your mum in her good times. The pride she has in her family and the unselfishness of being a good mother. We learn from our parents all our lives, even as they leave us.

God bless you and your family. Stay strong and healthy in honour of your mum and for all those around you.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

My dad if finding to much to handle, so my sister and I will do as much as we can and involving our dad as needed.

We will possible sort out a plot on our own and if possible near roses as that is her middle name. Also the possibility a Rosewood coffin, depending on cost as she would what to spend silly money.

I have good moment and bad, I start to talk about thinks and start to quiver.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

I'm not surprised your father is having a hard time , he has lost a partner of many years just as you and your sister have lost a mother. It is a difficult time for all of you more so when it comes to making the funeral arrangements as that suggests a moment of finality.

The next week or so is going to be especially difficult as all these details have to be sorted out. Inside you are going to be hurting like hell but outside you have to appear to be strong to support you father, sister and the rest of the family.

Once everything is resolved make sure you take the time to mourn in whatever way is best for you. We are all different in how we that but we all need to.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Thanks for the messages guys, my mum and dad where married for 54 years, this year was only the second anniversary they did go for a meal, but I was able to take him and sit outside with her.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

On Tuesday the 13th of October we laid my mum to rest, my sister and I chose a lovely spot which is a double plot so when my dad's time comes he will join her.

But because of coronavirus restrictions, only 30 people are allowed, but do to some family having to shield, self isolate or just getting back from furlough only 16 people attended.

My dad, myself, sister, brother in-law, nephew & niece left form my hose to the cemetery in the limo, after we had a drink.

The woman doing the funeral (not a minister) read what my dad, myself, sister, aunt & uncle had written, but my niece got through her tears and read her message with her brother holding her hand.

There was one light bit and that was playing the Elvis song, Are you lonesome tonight - the laughing version, which people did enjoy.

After this all 16 of us stood at at the graveside, and in typical funeral weather it as raining and the ground getting muddy, but that didn't matter as we through 6 red roses on her coffin.

The guys driving out limo were excellent and help my dad walk from the car to the grave side and stand as he through his rose in, he even gave his umbrella to my dad to keep dry as he got wet.

Afterward we chatted briefly to family and then the 6 of us came back home and had a cuppa, later we had a huge Chinese meal and more drinks, and chatted about our mum.

So my sister's family had to get 2 cabs home because cabs cannot have people in the front.

I get some moment were I feel teary.

We have said to family that coronavirus permitting we will have a family get together close to her birthday next August.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Wishing you well Hom3r.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

l can only echo those same thoughts as my thoughts are with you Hom3r.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss, Hom3r and I share others compassionate wishes.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sending you a virtual :ghugs: Take care of your father he will really need your support.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Another virtual hug from me Hom3r. If you need us you know you have friends on CF who are here to have a quiet chat if you need us.

Jo xx

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Glad everybody who could attend were able to. Our thoughts are with you.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

A follow up to this.

If things can't get any worse.

The other day my dad had problems with the TiVo remote as he couldn't remember what to press and as he was stress he couldn't get his words out, but he calmed down and was OK.

On Wednesday my sister was talking to him and his speech started to stutter (He had a stutter when he met my mum, but she managed to get him to control it) so my sister said to call 999, which I did, they turned up and did the stroke tests but this didn't seem to be the case, they managed to speak to our GP and arranged for a District Nurse to come and take bloods.


She arrived at 10:30 and did the bloods, just before 6pm I had just taken some baguettes out of the oven when the Dr called and said one of the tests was positive for a clot, and we should go to A&E straight away.

So sitting in A&E waiting (While there a guy was bought in who clearly had Covid-19, but was whisked away).

A doctor saw us, and he believes my dad had a transient ischaemic attack (TIA) or "mini stroke", which based on the stress in the last year I'm not surprised, he said that an appointment will be made for us to go to Romford's Queens hospital for a scan and gave us some Aspirin to help, we didn't get home until midnight.

So now we play the waiting game.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Oh sweetie I am so sorry to hear your news. You and your family have not had an easy time. Sending you all virtual hugs. xx

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss. We wish you the best in these tough times

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Bad luck with Queens... :(

Hope it all goes well though :tu:

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Really sorry for your loss Hom3r. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Take care.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

l can only echo the same sentiments to Hom3r as all the other posters here.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Hope everything is ok. Fwiw my Mother has had a few TIAs, effects were temporary in her case and she seems to recover from them. Hard to really tell as she has dementia anyway.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

So sorry to hear this latest news Hom3r. My mum had a TIA a few years ago. As it comes under the general heading of “stroke” the hospital should take it very seriously with tests and a treatment plan. Doubtless they’re busy with Covid related stuff but keep in mind that they should be staying on top of this to reduce the risk of it happening again, so keep asking the questions. Also, as TIAs are not normally a one off, you will have to make sure someone is checking in on your dad once he’s home just to make sure all is ok.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

:ghugs:

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

I live at home and do all the cooking etc.


As you say Covid is a nightmare as our support is not allowed near us (AKA sister and co), which I cannot wait to get back.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

We did 3 visits to Queens and he has a partial blockage in an artery, but because of his weight and age, surgery isn't a good idea.

But he seems back to his normal self and we do look after each other, but we do sometimes wind each other up.

As lockdown is easing we have been able to sit in my sisters garden and have lunch.

looking forward to being able to sit in her living room for the first time in nearly 15 months.

But cannot weight for the need hugs in June.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Well the nightmare is easing, on Tuesday my sister came over, and we sorted out all her clothes.

On Wednesday, My sister cam with me when we took 10 sacks to a local charity shop.

We are planning to get together on August 15th at my sisters, on what would have been her 75th birthday, her sister and brother In-law are coming over if the weather is suitable for us to sit outside, I understand as they don't want to risk anything.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Wow, the year has flown by, I've got back from the cemetery with my dad and sister.


Later today they will come over for a chinese takaway.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

It is good to see you have family around you again and can remember the good times. :tu:

Im glad things are better!!!!!!!!

:)

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry to hear about your dad, but hopefully hes getting better.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Oh Hom3r I am so sorry to hear what you have all been going through. I realy hope he continues to improve and that he is able to come home to you.

<<<Hugs >>>
Jo xx

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Best of luck for your father.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

All the best :tu:

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Hom3r Hope your Dad continues to get better and can get home soon. :hugs:

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Best of luck. Even though your Dad is desperate to get home make sure you can cope. Hospitals have a tendancy to discharge before patients and their families are ready,

(BTW My Father-in-law made a successful escape attempt from hospital a few years ago. He made it a couple of miles in his PJs and nearly got to our house before the police picked him up this was just after he'd had a knee replacement! His Parkinsons was bad but he was still physically fit and had a good homing instinct ! )

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

I live at home and when we get an idea of a planned release date (I can't see this before end of August) I will look at becoming a full time carer and what benefits he does claim for that he's entitled too.


Trouble is some he can't claim if he doesn't claim for others.


Luckily my cars paid for and I only have minor out goings ATM.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

It might be an idea to contact Citizens Advice now to find out what he is entitled to and get everything ready for his claim.

Hope all goes well for his recovery.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Well, after many nights waiting for the call, my dad told me that tomorrow he is being transferred to a rehabilitation hospital some 45 mins drive away rather than the 10-minute walk we currently have.


so the process of getting him walking, after being bed bound since July 5th has started.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Which do you prefer, your dad waking again or a 10 minute walk?

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Not been on here for a while . So sorry to hear this. Thinking of you all

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Yet more joy.

At the beginning of May my day was acting strange, asking me to tell those people to go away, we were alone, I transpired he had a UTI, he was put back on the Virtual Hospital an I had to do his BP, O2 and temp using kit supplied. 3 weeks later and several antibiotics later it seemed to be nipped in the butt, and was signed off. But..

The other day he started to see things again, so we contacted our Community Matron who came this morning took some blood and did his Obs.

She told my sister that he has another UTI the levels should be "5" he was "48".

So in the coming days I they will put a UV in for fluids and I guess some meds, and he's back on the Virtual Ward with me doing the Obs


We have in place what's called a Peace Plan and lays out his wishes, on is NOT to go to hospital, and system can be put in place for treatments, including End Of Life.

Right on a serious note how to detect a UTI (From what's happened to me)

The person sees people that are not there and may even talk to them.
Their urine is a a dark colour (Like a dark bitter)
Their Urine has a very strong smell.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

We have just had the same with my father in law, he was treated in hospital. He to is in end of life.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry about that.


My dad isn't EOL yet, its the plan his on covers up to including EOL, I do wonder how long he's got?


But as I said before, he's a stubborn old git, and ain't going anywhere without a fight.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Good luck to your Dad

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Ray is the same, he has had a very good innings.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

He doesn't have a UTI its something else, he's on some powerful Antibiotics, they are looking at putting him on a permanent Antibiotic, once he's got rid of this one.

They did it for my mum.

My sister hopes he has the fight in him and not given up.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Today they tried the first of two Antibiotics that will target the infection, the other was a broad spectrum on.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Broad spectrum is what they used for Ray. He is at the point where a slight infection escalates very quickly and then he is back in hospital.

I hope he starts to feel better :)

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

My sister worked from home at mine today, she said he seem better in himself but he's still unwell and still seeing people who ain't there.

Wow...Please do keep us updated Hom3r,I am so sorry.......

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Well on Wednesday, my sister worked from mine allowing me to go to Chelmsford to do some shopping, she called me for the Virtual Hospital number as our dad wasn't right.

One of them arrived and did a delusional check, and said he need to go to hospital, well the following day I had to arrange to get our stair lift removed so they can get him out, (he can't use it in his state) and its being removed Monday (1st)and he's booked to go in on Wednesday (3rd). He was having a bad one and kept calling us and my sister told him off, and he calmed down.

My sister came over on Thursday to help with some stuff, and got me to book my first holiday in 5 years, I'm going to Vauxhall Holiday in Great Yarmouth for 4 nights starting on the 4th it only cost £260.

So putting my bits together, and looking forward to the break.


We get people turning up and checking on him and taking blood (which can be a pain as he's not drinking enough)

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Been there many times (took granddaughter last year). You should enjoy it. :)

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Enjoy your break away :) I am actually going away that weekend too on my first holiday in a long time. I am going to Blackpool of all places but for 4 nights the hotel is only £78 which is the only reason I chose Blackpool TBH. I just want to see the sea

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

It's my second home, my dad was born in great Yarmouth and I've been going there for at least 40 times in 55 years, (5 years covid and carer absence)


Enjoy

---------- Post added at 16:57 ---------- Previous post was at 16:54 ----------

I do the Doccla Home Monitoring reading 3 times a day, and this morning they weren't happy and sent some one to do checks to see if he need to go today, but she's happy with the readings and depending on the blood test they might bring it forward to 3pm on Wednesday.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Just had to take his phones off him as he had called 999.


I told them his situation and they understood.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Well on the 3rd of July he was taken in to hospital, and the 4th I had my very needed break.


I had fun watching the England v Switzerland game when as the Swiss player took their last penalty there was a massive power cut.


I came on Monday, and my day on Friday, he's still seeing things, and now waiting to get someone to come and try to find the reason for this.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

I came home on Monday, and my dad on Friday, he's still seeing things, and now waiting to get someone to come and try to find the reason for this.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

£78 per night or for 4 nights? If the former tjst is cheap. I take it that this days outside outside the weekend??

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Well last Friday (2nd August) my dad had a cough and was bring up phlegm, when the carers saw him they didn't like how he looked so I called 999, and they cam and said he was showing Sepsis markers and was blue lighted into our hospital, me and my sister walked up there and waited, a Dr spoke to us and said he has Sepsis and possible heart failure (the heart issue was pneumonia). We had said that there will come a time when enough is enough and make him comfortable.

Roll forward to Tuesday, I got a call to do to the hospital so I went with my sister, He had Sepsis, Pneumonia, Aspirational Pneumonia, and his kidneys were failing, plus he was displaying vascular dementia, and we should get family.

His brother saw him that night and sister on the Wednesday.

On Thursday I was popping out and got a call as he was near palliative care, so again we sat with him, and a Dr said that his kidneys reading should be 7, they were 6 which he said were incompatible with life.

So we sat there for 8 hours and there was no change in his condition, so we decided to go back to my sister, tell her kids and sleep on her sofas.

At 23:35 we got the call and rushed to the hospital, and he literally died as we got there, so he held out just long enough.

This morning we started the arrangements for his funeral, its going to cost nearly £7,000.

I'm siting here absolutely drained, earlier I had a scotch to him.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

All the best David

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss. I' ve been through this in the last 10 years with both of my parents. There is the emotional loss, and practical things to do all at the same time. It is exhausting. But you wouldn't have wanted him to carry on like that.

Time is not a total healer, but it does help. Life goes on for you, as your Dad would want it to.Keep close to those around you.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry to read your post, I am thinking of you and your family, You will have lovely memories to remember when you are past the shock, Take care

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss mate

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Terribly sorry Homer, he's in peace now.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry to hear of the loss of your dad Homer.

Dave I am so sorry........


I was hopefull the universe would help him get better... I am very sorry by this.....

Your a very good Son,dont ever forget that ok??

I love you honey..... I would give you a hug if I could.........


God bless you and your family https://www.cableforum.uk/images/local/2022/07/3.gif

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Condolences Homer.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Condolences on your loss.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Big virtual hugs

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry for your loss, you've had a rough time.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry to hear this and sorry for your loss.

Re: Nightmare of a night
 

Sorry to hear of your loss Homer :(