A male victim of domestic violence
 

Yes I know we rarely seem to hear about them and there are precious few places for them to get help, if indeed they're believed in the first place, but here's one who seems to be moving on after his ordeal:

Let's hope more male victims of violent assault, controlling behaviour and emotional abuse at the hands of their female partners come forward and make themselves heard.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Yes it is shocking that we rarely hear about male victims considering they make up 40% of all victims

http://www.theguardian.com/society/2...estic-violence

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

And 40% are the ones who actually report it. The true figure could be a lot higher.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Given the manner in which domestic abuse is portrayed almost entirely as a crime in which the victims are female or children, it's no wonder to me that more male victims don't come forward.

You only have to look at the promotional material published on this subject to see that men are hardly ever portrayed as possible victims. Yes, they do occur in the stats and men are now at least being mentioned, on the likes of the BBC, as victims but very few radio/TV discussions on the subject given them anything other than a cursory mention and the overall impression remains that it's all about male abuse of women and children. Until we have more groups set up to assist, lobby for and properly represent the plight of male victims, the cycle of women's organisations presenting solely their perspective on this problem will never end and a great many men will continue to suffer.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Doing a google image search for 'domestic abuse' tells a very biased story https://www.google.co.uk/search?q=do...ed=0CAYQ_AUoAQ

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Of course it does, and it will probably always be that way.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

An old friend, a lifetime bachelor, was found wandering the streets covered in blood. Plod found him and took him to the ER where it was found it was probably his blood through multiple cuts to his hands, arms and face.

He had met a woman of his age only a week before and she had moved in with him against his wishes. When he asked her to leave as gently as he could, she attacked him with anything she could lay her hands on.

When the police went to see her she was adamant that she was the householder and had defended herself against an intruder!

It took a lot of work to eventually get her out and prevent her from (legally) returning, but she returned time-and-again to attack him in his garden and near his home.

He sold the house and moved away, but she found him somehow, and the attacks continued.

HMP has her now.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

That's actually an excellent demonstration of the point and, next time I'm having a dialogue with someone who disputes the reality and uses the fact that the stats do include male victims to try to avoid the issue, I'll invite them to see the overwhelming impression people are being presented with by the media as a whole.

---------- Post added at 11:20 ---------- Previous post was at 11:09 ----------

One of my brothers has been suffering serious emotional abuse from his wife for many years and it's still going on long after they separated as a result of her having several affairs. Despite his efforts to arrange an amicable divorce, she does her best to make his life as miserable as possible whether it be 'blackmailing' with regard to their children, openly taunting/intimidating him and getting in his face or her refusal to discuss the divorce when he tries to raise the subject. Truth is nobody gives a toss about how he's been treated but he'd only need to be aggressive just once and we all know what would happen.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

If you are in a relationship with someone who has mental health issues its even harder to get help.

My son was in a 2 year relationship with a guy with mental health issues. Twice my son was put into hospital and twice his boyfriend admitted it and twice nothing at all not even a caution because of his mental health issues. It wasn't until the guy was spotted hanging from a telephone poll like a lobotomized gibbon and refused to come down he was given any help.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

On Monday at 8.30 Panorama is covering domestic abuse. It'll be interesting to see if/how male victims are represented.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Physical,emotional abuse has no limits in gender,age and sexuality and it's unforgivable.The police should be prepared to really investigate every report FULLY and not try and get as quick a result as they can just to tick a box or two..I also think that the NHS should be training staff to spot the victims earlier as they are for child abuse.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

I think the ego does a lot of male victims no good. There's an air of 'weakness' surrounding the notion of a man getting beaten up by his woman. I used to fancy Kelly Brook until she recently admitted she used to punch ex-boyfriends Danny Cipriani and Jason Statham. The former, she said, was "a rugby player and he could take it" while Statham is a martial arts expert and has "taken worse".

So according to her (and I suspect a lot of other women) it's ok as long as the man "can take it".

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Yes I notice that appalling admission hasn't stopped her being used in TV advertising when had a man done the same thing there'd have been the usual outcry from all sorts of women's (and other) groups and he'd have been dropped like a hot brick. The response of the hosts of the show on which she made it also left a great deal to be desired, trivialising in front of millions serious abuse simply because the victims were male.

The double standards evident in the media on popular TV shows needs examining since it is routine to see men abused, ridiculed and slapped around in our soaps as if that were OK. I may be being hypersensitive but TV dramas tend to portray the men within them as aggressors, drunks, inadequates and losers being supported by and/or abusing long suffering female partners whose lives are dedicated to selflessly looking after their every need. It's about time we had some balance and given the reality they face, I'm surprised any male victims come forward.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Osem, l applaud you for bringing up this subject. As it is always the FEMALE, that is heard in DV.

We know from the Media that the police will take serious action for DV.

But, if its the MALE at the receiving end, this NEVER comes to the headlines, we hear gossip people of talk shows talk about the woman who is at the end of DV. I think the reason why, iits the pride man not to come forward.

I have had the infortunate task, of being married twice. My first mother in law WARNED me NOT to marry her daughter, has she had medical problems.

The first year before we got married, she was brilliant. Soon as we got married, she started to turn nasty. It turned into a nightmare, l could tell you loads of stuff of what happened.

If you can imagine Catweazle, unwashed, wearing dirty clothes, etc etc. That's what l was made to be like. I went out to a party one night. Got cleaned up. She saw me and went ballistic

Did l report it - no, as l didn't want to make things worse. Luckily, l spoke with her mum and we divorced One year later. Sadly, she is no longer on this earth. But my present wife (she is a diamond, 38 years married) even met her and her mum.

Yes, this is what doesn't get in the news, due to man pride.

I just wish more Men came forward. Yes, its sad that women are at the hands of vicious husbands. But Husbands can also be victim's as well

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Arthur....there's a link to it in the second post from the Guardian newspaper, the same story can be found on the BBC website http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/30303405

It's not a case of it never being headlines, the situation is that because society (and history) deems women to be 'weaker victims' due to to male violence, oppression, discrimination etc there has often been an air of 'empowerment' when women fight back. These days it seems if you're in what society calls a 'privileged' position (usually white, male, straight etc) and you find yourself being a victim of something our forefathers were guilty of perpetrating then you have "no right" to complain, even if you're not guilty of it yourself.

There were calls a few years ago of wanting Tom Jones' Delilah banned from getting any airplay as it apparently 'glorifies violence towards women'. Fine, if that gets banned then I'll assume every song or video from Pink where she's beating up men will be censored too. Funnily enough that's regarded as 'empowering women'....

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Domestic abuse against males has always been treated as a bit of a joke by the police in my neck of the woods it is changing slowly but your fighting an uphill battle if your male and a victim. I had a girlfriend that to the outside world was a timid little angel but when things weren't going her way i soon knew about it. I've always believed a man never has a reason to hit a woman but that was tested many times it isn't a case of males being weak or wimps its about being a decent person and some women taking advantage of it :( same as it is for female victims.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Yet another BBC contribution to the domestic abuse debate in the form of an article on new laws in which the emotive content and imagery makes no mention of male victims whatsoever.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-30532087

Does the BBC ever seek the views of groups other than those representing female victims I wonder? Neither Refuge or Women's Aid serve the needs of abused males. It's not really all that surprising that male victims don't believe they'll be listened to, believed or supported when their needs and existence are routinely excluded from the 'debate'.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

I am convinced the BBC website/national news service has a big list of "independent" (read: Vetted) organisations it *always* calls up about stories. Every time there's a story on a given topic (domestic violence, "environment") its always the same spokesdroids from the same organisations rolling up.

Just look at any countryside story. Rarely (if ever) will any farming or "working" countryside organisation be approached for comment, but you can always bet the same "conservation" charities will always be called up.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england...shire-31853392

I notice that, whereas when it's the other way around the BBC has no problem finding one group or other to comment on the plight of female victims, there's not a single quote from or reference to anyone who might be able to offer support and advice to all the men who suffer in silence. The fact that the article doesn't even give any statistics concerning male victims shows how 'seriously' this is being taken by the BBC and in general.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Oh if it was the other way around they would have people demanding he be sentenced to life or how would he like it, etc. BBC are turning into absolute jokers.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Like all things, when compared to women, men are the ones who seem to be forgotten, ignored & never believed where domestic violence be it mental or physical.

If you had 2 scenarios, both exactly the same one female & one male you can guess where all the effort would go.

Equal rights???? there is nothing equal! Its time we had male suffragettes to bring back equalibrium.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

chain yourself to some railings and burn your vest ;)

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/dcp171776_352362.pdf

Could it be that either they are like a lot of female abuse victims too ashamed/frightened to report their situation.Instead of shouting about it being some sort of conspiracy why not encourage every PERSON suffering abuse to have courage to report what is happening to them and for everyone to acknowledge that it is happening to both men and women.Please don't make it an us and them situation between the genders.Also don't forget some men being abused are being abused by their male partners.

So if you see the reporting as being disproportionate then do speak up to the BBC and the rest of the media.It's pointless ranting about it here as we cannot change anything here. I as a female see that it's unfair but lets' not split our efforts to get abusers the right and correct punishment.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Agree with all of the above but 'ranting' about it here and doing something else about it aren't mutually exclusive are they. We're often told, in justification of the anonymity laws for example, that if one victim of rape is encouraged to come forward as a result of seeing an alleged offender's name in the news, that's a very good thing. We IMHO, if one man has got the courage, as a result of reading something here, to report something, or write to his MP, the BBC or whatever, than this thread and any 'rants' it may contain is a good thing. Sadly, the status quo patently doesn't work for men and until we start representing ourselves in the way women's groups have and continue to do so, that will not change. If we're going to be interested in 'victims' irrespective of sex then it's a great pity that the myriad groups which campaign for and support female victims don't take that on board, acknowledge that male victims get a very raw deal and decide to help them as well. As you say, they're all victims of the same crime aren't they but I can't recall the last time I heard any of the usual 'commentators' and representatives even acknowledge that men are ever the victims, in anything other than the most fleeting terms, if at all.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Then speaking to the media direct as a group might be a more effective way to get them to report domestic abuse because they are very unlikely to be reading this thread..as for getting more male abuse victims to come forward I can only hope they are reading this thread..but I very much doubt it.After all most people come here seeking help with their cable issues rather than looking for help about abuse.
As for the 'women's groups then you also need to ask them why they don't represent more male victims?
You have a very small target group here..but they are potentially a force that can change matters IF they actually engage those groups and the media directly.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

... and threads like this are one way to raise the issue, get people thinking, encourage men to have their say on matters they're largely excluded from and hopefully do a bit more, including some of the things you suggest.

People come here for all sorts of reasons and once here often get involved in other areas of the site. We have threads on topics ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous and this issue is neither. Those who couldn't give a stuff may never change but the more this matter is raised and the wider the forums in which it is discussed the better. I'm certain a male abuse victim isn't going to come to CF as the first stop for advice but his mate down the pub might just be someone who has come here and read about it. It may be that friend then says or does something in order to help his long suffering pal out. Men must be encouraged to talk about the physical, mental and emotional abuse they suffer at the hands of women just as much as they need to get down to their GP's more often.

Men seeking an input into female orientated matters doesn't usually go down to well but maybe you don't realise that because you're not a male. That's what us guys get told all the time you know... ;)

I really don't post here because I think it's going to change the world, I post here because I come here and know that every person who bothers to read this thread and those like it will go away quite possibly aware of an issue they'd never really thought too much about.

I'm not going into what else I choose to do but you can rest assured this isn't the only place or the only means by which I choose to raise an appalling unfairness which exists in our society and needs to be remedied. It's just one outlet through which the message can be disseminated and people challenged to think and it's people who haven't been aware of the problem who need to be targeted and educated most of all. To that extent, a forum like CF serves very well.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

See it's that your not a male so you can't understand aspect that annoys.Almost as much as females who say to men you cannot understand because you are a man.
I'm just concerned that issues that affect both genders do not become divisive and then become bogged down in the us and them sort of discussions.I'm on the side of people not gender.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

I'm sure it does annoy you - it annoys me that over the 18 years I've brought up my youngest son and handled all his educational and health related issues, I'm still routinely patronised by women, primarily, 'professionals' who treat me as if I'm invisible and/or know nothing about his problems, needs etc.

Until men are treated equally in matters such as this, family law etc. etc. what do you expect from them? Doing what they've done until now has got them where they are - their views largely excluded and dismissed (even in law) from anything considered a female domain. Sadly we are where we are and 'suffering in silence' has done us no favours. If men want equal acknowledgement, help, treatment etc. then they're going to have to do it largely by their own efforts and by creating the same sort of noises that women have become very good at. The domestic abuse arena is almost entirely dominated by groups set up to represent the needs and interests of female victims as opposed to purely 'victims' as you suggest. They not only hog the resources but sometimes go out of their way to dismiss the existence of male victims. It's the same in the field of cancer in which conditions like breast and cervical cancer are far more publicised than prostate cancer for the very same reason.

It shouldn't be like that but it is and to an extent, men have brought it upon themselves by accepting it and by allowing their suffering to be either ignored, trivialised or ridiculed.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Anyone see 24hrs In Police Custody earlier, I knew the victim, for many of those that knew him he was a pretty unpleasant, troubled man but he didn't deserve to die like that and for his killer to be basically left of with a 16 month sentence beggars belief, I wonder what would have happened had the rolls been reversed?

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Are you sure you got that the right way around?
She had been abused previously by somebody else, and it was raised that now she might like to be in control. IIRC it is was the same way with serial killer Dennis Nilsen.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

The programme made out that he was a jolly, happy go lucky character and that she was a controlling & violent alcoholic. Was this not the case in reality?

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Richard, "reality" TV is often far from it.

They cut/slant things, with dramatic music, to create a picture that is often at odds with actual reality.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Positive

He was a jolly, happy go lucky, non violent, thieving, alcoholic but he didn't deserve that, she's started a new life up in Leeds iirc, doesn't appear to have a care in the world, you can only hope a positive came out of this whole sorry saga and she conquered her demons but I doubt it

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

https://inews.co.uk/opinion/comment/...nce-273416/amp

As long as we get people genuinely coming out with crap like that, domestic abuse will always be seen as a gendered issue by many.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

So she slapped her husband and he went to the police, lmfao.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Incredibly cheap TV it is too.

Once upon a time they used to make drama with actors, now they use members of the public/emergency services for free. Suits the short attention span audience these days too.

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

:tu:

Re: A male victim of domestic violence
 

Holby had a long running storyline about an abused male Doctor. This was male on male abuse. Most of the actual physical details did not come out until the person had the courage to report their attacker.

Casualty has also covered Female on Male DV. Dramas do cover this type of abuse and show how it is the victims who are left unprotected and ignored until something dramatic happens.