Constipated...
 

OK.

I need some serious help people!

The lady has been constipated all week! And normally I wouldn't post about it but she just won't stop moaning! And to be fair, when I'm eating my cocopops i don't want to hear it!

HELP???

We've tried everything...

Laxatives/BRAN..more BRAN...epic amounts of Bran.

One site she visited even suggested eating grass! :shrug:
Why oh why would you eat grass?

Can someone help me make it all go away???? :erm:

Re: Constipated...
 

my x missus suffered constantly from childhood she tried every thing finaly i went to a herbal shop run by an asian gent he put me on to Sena pods ,you just make a tea with them they will move a mountain.

Re: Constipated...
 

Won't bran just 'bung her up' so to speak? :rolleyes:

How about something senna based, or that one which is always on the box - the stool softener :D (sorry, but that always makes me larf!).

If she's got pains, i find that some boiled water allowed to cool a little helps :)

Re: Constipated...
 

If it's been a week and laxatives don't help then I'd take her to a doctor as that's just not a ehalthy digestive system at work...

Re: Constipated...
 

I don't know? Does it? lol...if it does then that might be why she hasn't pooed for like a week! :monkey:

Should i make her drink the boiled water or put it on her belly? lol

I just wana eat my cocopops in peace! :dozey:

Re: Constipated...
 

A vindaloo washed down with 6 pints of Guinness always works for me.... and since it's St Patrick's day a sprig shamrock on the vindaloo. ;)

Re: Constipated...
 

As Kymmy says if it's been a full week then medical intervention could be needed and maybe discussing it with her doctor could sort out why it has happened.

In the mean time you could try the old standby of 2 or 3 pieces of Liquorice, but don't let her over do the amount she has as it can have bad side effects if you take large quantities over a prolonged period.

Re: Constipated...
 

I think you need to have roughage to help the digestive transfer to the lower bowel to get it going. No pun intended.

Re: Constipated...
 

Only a week? Some people can go longer than that... it depends on your diet too.

Freshly squeezed orange juice gets me moving... or a garden hose inserted..... owee... owee... owee! Nope, scrap that idea......

But if you have a really dry lower colon content you'd better standby for some tears....

Re: Constipated...
 

Hot coffee, lots of it and few hours later its slipping out a treat!

Top thread!

Re: Constipated...
 

Doctors, whilst waiting on an appt try Fybrogel, my mother swears by it. (Thankfully she also wouldn't know how to turn a computer on so I'm safe from getting yelled at!)

Re: Constipated...
 

Picolax (now is there an evil grin smilie as that suggestion truly warrants it!!! - Youtube it if you don't believe me and yes I have had it before a colon op)

Re: Constipated...
 

lol i should rename it 101 ways to make yourself poo? :D

We should get 101 ways, then close the thread and make it a sticky! :p:

Re: Constipated...
 

I think it'll make itself sticky at that point....EEEEWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Re: Constipated...
 

You mean to say that your good lady is full of it:D

Try syrup of figs but use a Table spoon, a mate of mine years ago was constipated and we persuaded him it was a misprint on the bottle and it was not a Tea spoon he should take, but it did work and it left him feeling rather empty and drained.:LOL:

Re: Constipated...
 

my missus says fresh pineapple got her moving when she was due to give birth,not the same as being constipated but oooooohhhhh the relief!! :D :D

Re: Constipated...
 

Especially after picolax!!!

Might be worth going to see a pharmacist or GP if it continues, just to be on the safe side.

Re: Constipated...
 

I suggest this thread is archived and displayed on the front page, to publicise the amazing knowledgebase we have regarding forced bowel movements.

Who's with me?

:p:

Re: Constipated...
 

lol...the tone of this thread has gone down the toilet!

:D :D :D

Re: Constipated...
 

You could hit her really hard in the stomach with a brick that might move it

Re: Constipated...
 

No you're getting confused...

she wants to lay a brick..not get laid out by a brick! :D

Re: Constipated...
 

Sugar free mints tend to work for me, eg coolmints, its to do with the artificial sweeteners used, it even says on the lable not to eat too many as it can give you the squits.

I have another method but the mrs will really have be in the mood :)

Re: Constipated...
 

Was it ever out? :shocking:

Re: Constipated...
 

tried a stick of dynamite? lol

Re: Constipated...
 

Strong black coffee is a good laxative

Re: Constipated...
 

Prune juice!

Re: Constipated...
 

Green tea seems to work for my wife. That is, she normally drinks a lot of green tea, and not drinking it gives her constipation.

Re: Constipated...
 

Or maybe its that she's a green tea junkie and constipation is a withdrawal sympton!? lol :dozey:

Re: Constipated...
 

Ha ha! I actually tried it just to see if it was vile (wasn't actually constipated)! Mix it with a bit of raspberry or cranberry juice and it's actually quite nice! It does regulate things! :erm:

Re: Constipated...
 

Lies...just admit the pipes were clogged...its ok! :p

Re: Constipated...
 

This always works for me a hot bath. Lemon juice and honey and a cup of tea.

On a serious note please don't force it as it could lead to a stroke. It is common for people to have strokes while straining. To keep regular take plenty of fibre. One of my most common causes of constipation is late nights and stress. So anything to relieve stress a great help and early nights. If you don't go one day never worry just wait worrying makes it worst. Hope that is of some help to ya.

Re: Constipated...
 

@ chuzzlemonky. When you get home are you going to tell your dear wife about all our suggestions?

................. As you give her the advise we have put forward are you by any chance going to tell her that the advise was given by us, on an open forum, after you broadcast the fact that she is CONSTIPATED to the whole of the world wide web.

................ I'd duck if I was you.

:D

Re: Constipated...
 

If she gets it so far you could do a forcep delivery - Must have some kitchen tongs around

Re: Constipated...
 

Aha if i do give her any of the suggestions i'll make out i found them on some kind of specialist constipation website...constipated.com/bumole? lol

If she knew i would be killed! :shocked:

Dont tell on mee!

Re: Constipated...
 

You worry me more and more every day.

Re: Constipated...
 

Made me cringe :erm::erm::erm::erm:

Re: Constipated...
 

I just hope for your sake that she doesn't use Google to try to find her own answers to this problem :erm:

http://www.cableforum.co.uk/board/%3...der=%220%22%3E

http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/1645/constipated.png
http://www.cableforum.co.uk/board/%3...der=%220%22%3E

Re: Constipated...
 

you could try Glycerol Suppositories you can get them from any chemist

good fact sheet here

http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/h...ipation.html#6

if all else fails get an enema from the DR if it really wont shift though they will want to know what else you have tried first

Re: Constipated...
 

How is her fluid intake? The digestive system does need a fair amount of fluids to work properly.:erm:

Re: Constipated...
 

I heard that constipated accountants work it out with a pencil

:tiptoe::Sprint:

Re: Constipated...
 

Really!! That's an image I truly didn't need in my minds eye...:bsmack:

Re: Constipated...
 

I think the advice to get Mrs chuzzle to consult her GP is the best, so far.

If nothing else they should confirm the other advice given - i.e. adequate fluid intake, regular exercise & a diet which contains natural fruits and vegetables & whole grain cereals, all help your gut to work :)

Re: Constipated...
 

Dogs eat grass when they have bad tummys!

Well go on ...tell us!

Anything worked yet??? ;):)

Re: Constipated...
 

Once stood in the home end at Leeds Unt supporting the away team. Found that most helpfull with the old bowels!

Re: Constipated...
 

tried a pencil..........

Re: Constipated...
 

Any movement on this subject yet??????

:rolleyes: :D

Re: Constipated...
 

UPDATE people...


Woke up this morning and she still can't poo...which is great to talk about when its 6am and i should be dribbling sleepily on my pillow :dozey:

Have told her to go to the doctors but she's waaaay too subborn to go.

grr :(

Re: Constipated...
 

You can't help but admire the irony in the fact she is copying her bowels... :disturbd:

Re: Constipated...
 

I'm sure it'll all come out good in the end. :)

Re: Constipated...
 

lol!

And i swear if i have to listen to this for 2 weeks and then all she does is a rabbit dropping then i'm leaving her! :D

Re: Constipated...
 

That's right. You tell her it's Swiss Rolls only and NOT Malteasers.

Re: Constipated...
 

Swiss rolls?

I want yule-tide logs! :dozey:

Re: Constipated...
 

Mate if she can grunt them out that size then she really needs to see a doctor....

Re: Constipated...
 

:p:

Maybe she'll never poo again?
Oh what a simple life!

Russ B I can't help but find your signature rather appropriate for this thread! lmao! ;)

Re: Constipated...
 

You accusing her of being full of ****???

Well yes, that's also connected to someone else who is full of **** too ;)

Re: Constipated...
 

u never know while ur at work u will hear what u think is a rumble of thunder when its actually her on the loo lol

Re: Constipated...
 

Come on. The girl hasn't had a bowel movement in a week!
I'd say she's a bit more than full of it.
Saturated is probably more appropriate! lol

And are you implying that some people of CF are full of poo?
Never! :D

Re: Constipated...
 

She should eat the microwave meal I had last night. Gotta run :Sprint:

Re: Constipated...
 

What was that?
Got the runs? :p:

Re: Constipated...
 

Ha no I actually wasn't! The amount of stick I got at work drinking it.....I haven't drank it since!

Re: Constipated...
 

Phaps giving some of that to the British Olympic team in 2012 may get us some Gold medals lol.

Re: Constipated...
 

Does she know that you have asked for advice on a computer forum that can be seen worldwide because that might just get a movement out of her, and a frying pan around your head.

Re: Constipated...
 

lol she actually does know now...
told her lady night. Luckily she has an odd sense of humour like me. So she found it more funny than anything!

Re: Constipated...
 

So this not being posted from a hospital bed then.

I would still go with a table spoon of syrup of figs though, she will feel the rush/gush.:D

Re: Constipated...
 

Aha. Sounds like something you know a lot about?
Something you're not telling us mr moldova? ;)

Re: Constipated...
 

Post early in the thread about telling a friend it was a misprint and it was not a tea spoon but a table spoon and fell about laughing after he swallowed it.

It worked though, but she would need a good book to sit down with though.

Re: Constipated...
 

If she doesnt get it out soon she will need stitches... Can you see a bump in her stomach yet?

Re: Constipated...
 

lol you actually can!

Re: Constipated...
 

I think she really needs to go see a Doctor.

Re: Constipated...
 

i agree! just got to get her to go now! lol
and to make things worse i think i have the sympathy squits now!
*parrp*

Re: Constipated...
 

:redcard:

Let's at least try to retain some semblance of decency shall we? ;)

Re: Constipated...
 

He could always try her with a corset - I understand that they'll squeeze anything out :)

Re: Constipated...
 

Well if anyone would know, it would be someone called nugget :D

Re: Constipated...
 

Trust me - you really don't want Nugget around when she finally blows :D

Re: Constipated...
 

she just needs to bite down and push - feel the force, build it and they will come

Re: Constipated...
 

He can get the rubber gloves and remove the blockage and there she blows.:D

Re: Constipated...
 

Just a thought, If you've recently had a night of passion, it might be worth checking around the kitchen for missing items. ;)

Re: Constipated...
 

lol!

There will be no rubber gloving thankyour Mr Moldova!

And i can't even reply to Julian's post! :angel:

Re: Constipated...
 

I'm glad about that :erm: Despite this thread, the forum does still have some standards :p:

In all seriousness, whilst we are having a bit of a laugh at the predicament, it really must be about time she got some proper medical advice. Even if short term there isn't a serious issue one wonders if this can cause longer term complications. Forums are not the best place to obtain medical advice, there are too many armchair experts who can misdirect.

Re: Constipated...
 

Very true. She's too stubborn to go to the docs tho!
I'm kind of hoping the volcano theory will kick in before too long?

Its only so long before they erupt...

Re: Constipated...
 

If this goes on much longer you may have to think of names for the...:erm: impending arrival.

Re: Constipated...
 

I'm envisaging someone releasing the knot from a balloon and watching it go....

Re: Constipated...
 

'Turtle' might just cut the mustard ;)

Re: Constipated...
 

The sound would probably be rather similar also! lol

Re: Constipated...
 

Well yes, you've got the consistency right....

Re: Constipated...
 

lol consistency... *shakes head*

That's probably a word that this thread didn't need to see! :D

*puts his cheese on toast down*

Re: Constipated...
 

I'm just hoping that you didn't have Worcester Sauce on it ;)

Re: Constipated...
 

HP

'nuff said :(

Re: Constipated...
 

HP stands for Hard Poo, d'you know?

;)

Re: Constipated...
 

Hopefully everything will work itself out, so to speak, but there is a serious side to this.
Your wife may have an intestinal blockage which can be very serious. In a worst case scenario would need immediate hospital intervention as can be life threatening. I must strongly advise if she does not go soon then she must see her doctor, if only to determine the cause of the problem.

Re: Constipated...
 

If I can ignore the very sensible advice in this post, does anybody else find it a little ironic that it's come from someone called 'loose lips'?

Re: Constipated...
 

Wife? Lets calm down a bit here im only 21 ;)

Agreed, though. I shall drag her there kicking and screaming if i don't get any unpleasant whiffs later today.

Re: Constipated...
 

cant believe im reading this after just eating HP Brown sauce

Re: Constipated...
 

Is money tight then? I generally like to put the sauce on something! lol

Re: Constipated...
 

Ah is that why you refused to answer Julians post about what you did in the kitchen.

Re: Constipated...
 

Perhaps as tight as....nah, I can't. Not even I would drag this thread down that far...

Re: Constipated...
 

But I would.............. :D:D:D

Re: Constipated...
 

I thought I already had :D

Re: Constipated...
 

:LOL:

If you search Google for 'constipated' and select UK sites only we're on Page 1 - you're in so much trouble :D :D

Re: Constipated...
 

In fact, you're positively in the sh.. ;)